Robots are great lovers

So today my words might actually come to me
About an Issue I have been mulling over
An issue about 2 dimensional ness
I will just also call it the Screen
I have wondered lately why I am so addicted to my screen?
My Facebook, my Pinterest, the news, my text... I am positively addicted
I don't want to be
I thinks it's sad and bad and everything else
So why
Today I figured it out
Today I made a concious effort to stay off my screen
And then I realized
I want to have a social interaction
I want to talk to someone
I want to listen to someone
I want to share a coffee with someone
But I am at home with small children and I can't leave
So then I tried to fill the void in a rational normal way
Call someone
So I call my parents
Which I always do everyday
And that was good
For 5 minutes
And then later, the feeling comes again
And I think Gee, who can I call?
None of my friends actually want to talk on the phone anymore
They only want to text
Text when it is convenient for them
So I text my husband
But he is busy working
I text A and we have brief contact with words
Text some other people, I guess everyone is busy
And then I think
Time to check my Facebook again
Maybe my Pinterest
Somehow some way, I would like to have social interaction (with an adult)
And so I've figured it out today
And I'm sad
I'm sad because this is really truly how out culture and society works now
You don't call people
They don't want to converse
They want to connect with brief words
At a convenient time
My mom and I were talking a few weeks ago because she had called my sister a few times and wanted to actually have a conversation... Instead, she received an email. She was surprised and hurt.
I said "mom that's the way it is now, i don't talk to anyone"

For some people, especially Screen Types(people that love the screen and always have) this post will make no sense at all.. For others who like to be in Control, or are introverted, or haven't educated themselves about the dangers of a Screen Life..this post is just blah blah blah

For me this is an epiphany
I have finally figured out why I am trying to fill my social void with a Screen
Because that is what everyone else is doing
But I want to stop.
I want to hang out with humans, I want someone to actually say "yes" to an invite

I want my phone to ring
I want to call someone and hear them say "hello"(someone under 50)
I want to share reality.. Instead of share on the screen

K don't get me wrong
I think text is O so convenient
I think FB is great for staying in touch with people from far away
And blogging I find very personal
I think it's weird tho that people "meet" on line instead of in line
And I think it's wack that kids would rather and are allowed to Spend their Life in a 2D way

Last Friday after the shootings
I was upset
Upset  in a deep and strange place
All I wanted to do was talk to someone about it
Share and discuss and try to understand
That wasn't an option for me
I was so utterly thankful that we had been invited out that night to a dinner party
I was so utterly thankful to be around happy normal people and just talk and be and laugh
And also discuss the shootings
It really helped me move forward

Last weekend I was at a large social event and I ran into someone and we were discussing how we only talk to a certain person through text, and then we realized that was actually the norm, and this wife/mom said to me
"What is going on Robin?"
I was so excited to have one other person (other then my mom and husband)
Seem to see that we are living in strange times
That moving forward wih technology
Does not always mean moving forward(studies are actually showing increased screen time being directly connected to decrease in empathy amoung children!!!!!) (does that not scare the skirts off of us?)
I said
"I don't know, it's the breakdown of community"
I'm not sure if my response was the Right and Perfect response
But something felt very true about those words coming out of my mouth
We can shrug and scoff about Community
But what does it mean? What are we doing to ourselves? To our children?
Where will we be in twenty years?
You know that killer was known to be a gamer
There is someone that could have used an extra dose of empathy
It would be pretty easy to kill
From a 2D perspective

Lying here
My back broken
Blogging because I can
I'm just gonna say it
A kid who tells his parents that he wants to kill them or others
May have a mental illness.
May also be in desperate need of discipline.
Discipline is a gift.
A needed gift.
Happy children have clear and sure boundaries.
Do your kid a favour and say "no"
Say "no" and follow through

It's funny because I don't really think I am that tough of a parent, and compared to others that I know, I think I'm pretty lax...
Though I'm finding out in this world is heaps and heaps of people who don't say "no" to their kids.. It's so sad..

You Go Girl

I used to be worried about my daughter being bossy
One of the reasons that I put her in kindergarten early is because I didn't want her being the older bossy one
But after seeing and realizing what is really going on in the system
And after watching my daughter be a follower
(A very painful experience)
I have changed my mind
And so lately when I watch her with these kids stand up for herself, defend herself and, even sometimes go overboard
I have a hard time caring
I have a hard time reprimanding her
In fact, I hardly do
I now see it differently that's for sure
I realize that my daughter will have to stand alone and think alone and have thick skin and have a very strong backbone.
She will have to fight for honesty in herself and in this world of lies
She will have to learn and discern and stand alone


Strangers/anonymous ones/ 2 people who actually know me:
Guess what!?
Last night this crazy thing happened
Well 2 crazy things happened
Remember how I was just saying I would never try letting my son cry it out?
Well last night it just sort of happened
I was going to get him when he started crying harder
And he just fell asleep
The craziest part is that he them slept 8 hours straight!!
People I slept 7.5 hours STRAIGHT last night! That is the most I have slept straight on 4.5 years!!!!!
Do you understand what I'm talking about here??!!!

Anyway that was cool
Other thoughts:

Studies coming out all over about the dangers of screen time and what it is doing. TV and computers and Pads and IPhones and video games .. Is all Screen Time.. Depending on the amount of time your child is spending with these it is actually changing their brains.. Structurally .. There are less and different cell/dendrite things going on!!!! People get your kids away from the screen! Do your own research.. Some of the evidence is suggesting this is leading to different social understanding .. An inability  to empathize in the usual way.. Depression because of dopamine(long story).. Pls do our future society a favour! Save us from 2dimensional humans that were raised on a screen!!! Get the kids outside! Give them some dirt and sun and snow .. Make them lift and solve and pile!!!

Which brings me the sweetest cute thing I saw at Hopes class yesterday ( parent teacher interviews)..(youngest in the class and doing totally awesome!).. The kids were asked to pick their favorite body part ( the best part of them) and then explain why... Some kids picked their hair because it was brown and pretty etc.
Hope picked her hands because they carry stuff..
So cute
You are right honey
There is a lot of value in what you can DO!

Actually slept 6 hrs straight last night

Hi again
I love winter sun
Sunny and warm .. Not hot
Still fresh

Confession: I have a difficult time when children are blatantly rude and disobedient
Confession: I think people who purposely harm animals especially dolphins should face serious heinous consequences
Confession: I don't want to go to the Christmas party and its none of your business why
Confession: I'm not that healthy of a person, like I just ate KD, however, I think feeding your children lucky charms or cocoa-lollipop-whatever is truly disgusting and bad parenting..
Confession: I really am sick of political correctness as much as it requires one to become a faceless, beliefless, spineless, Lessless
Confession: as much as I try to not care about little things like please and thank you and phone call/text protocol, I do.
Confession: I think yelling is ok under the some circumstances
I really don't want to get agitated when this little child in my care doesn't listen, and is sneaky.. But I do.. I really really do.
I really feel bad for children who are not disciplined..
I don't understand why moms want their daughters to fixate on princesses or Barbie. How is that possibly healthy or wise?
I know I know
I'm being critical
I have a confession: I am critical
Sometimes perhaps being critical is wise
Most of the time probably it's not cool
I have a confession:
I am still critical
I still have an opinion
I still think somethings are more right then other things and I still think something's are wrong...
I really really do
I can't cook
I really really can't
I just over cooked that KD
I try a bit
I don't like recipes at all..
I sometimes wonder if I have ADD
Some people I admire so much and look up to so much and then usually get depressed when I realize I am not like them at all
But then my mom says
Who cares what everyone else is doing?
And I think "ya she's probably right"
I sort of admire people who can let their babies cry it out.. But I can't even try..
Even tho I'm really sleep deprived
But I feel ok
Until a small child is rude or sneaky
Sneaky is the worst tho
So hard to catch
And what can I do about it anyway?

Where have I been all my life

So technology is not my thing... That's all i will say to explain why I haven't blogged..
So what's up?
I have a day home now and am looking after 3 extra kids
It's actually been fine
I was really afraid that it wouldn't work out
November is ending tonight
And supposedly the world is ending next month
So enjoy the time left;)
I don't actually believe any of it
I mean it could end tomorrow, but not on a day that so many seem to agree to- that's just not the way it works-
(I don't think.. In my modest opinion)

I just had a sip of that chocolate egg nog from superstore- that stuff is RICH man
So everyone I know is pregnant it seems
Which is so exciting! I love new babies..

Lately I have been shopping exclusively at Value Village, and I am really enjoying myself..
I really love a deal! I also love a massive room full of one-offs... Makes it more challenging..
Hubby works late this week which makes for long days
My thought of the hour is this:
What if no one put up Christmas lights? What if no one celebrated Christmas anymore?
That one thought makes me want to paste my house in bright lights of red and green and orange !
You know I think Santa is Bunk and a lie and stupid actually, I don't have a tree, and I don't think Christmas is about Christ..
But I think it's Something!
It's something for families..
It's something for kids!
 And actually yes, it is still sort of barely a slice of a sliver of a shred of a reminder of Faith on Earth! So ill take it! I'm glad for every single little bright light shining in the dark this winter.. I am so glad that some people still enjoy/believe/participate in Christmas..

That's my little opinion of the day


Things that should be taught in school: The law: like how come we don't learn what is legal and what is not in school? I am sure some people have to actually break laws before they find out something is illegal.. Taxes: what is tax? What is taxed? How to file taxes? Tax breaks? Employment: not like.. So what is your dream? Or what do you want to be when you grow up? But Employment Facts like, this is how many people are needed in this field, this is how much they pay, and this is what you need to do to get there. Drug talks: not like "don't do drugs" that is way to vague! How about this is what this drug is, this is what it looks like, this is what it feels like, and this is what it is doing to your body, these are it's side effects, these are side effects you may have for the rest of your life. Even marijuana people still think it's some sort of happy gentle non event. In actuality marijuana is very dangerous and can actually change your brain for ever. Smoking and alcohol: should be discussed, addiction, brain warping chemicals in these substances. Mental illness: what they are, where to get help, Religion: basics on religion. People who don't understand religion, don't understand very much about our world, politics, and war are directly related to religion. Everyone should have a general understanding of ALL religions. Group Think: something I learned in sociology in college, but should be taught far earlier. STD's: maybe we did learn this... Not sure ... Can't remember. Romance is Dead: bah this sounds so crazy, that's ok! I think romance movies and novels should be banned from teenage girls..everyone should know and learn that feelings are not facts, feelings are hormones. Actually, I think Disney should be banned for anyone under 30 too. No one should ever be told about being a princess or waiting for a Knight in Shining Armour.


Does anyone else notice that chai lattes are a real upper? Cheap and Legal! Dats wat I'm talkin bout!

Newey gooey

I get way excited when someone I know has a new baby! What is it? Why do I want to squeal with delight! It's like my uterus is celebrating too! I love love love to hear about new babies being born! Congratulations Mommies!!! New babies are the closest we get to view perfectness in the Bundle of Life!

Shiny and inflated

So I confess I have a close relative that I have spent a lot of time judging up until this week. Let's just say plastic surgery was no stranger to her. Competition and vanity and showey showerson- no stranger. This week, she had a party for her daughter and we went, and so did some other moms from her "" club. And I was like. O. I was like a commercial for Botox! No no these ladies will never see a wrinkle. Never see a strain. A turkey neck. And it all made sense to me. And I stopped judging my cousin. If I were her, and all my friends looked like that and talked about that, I think I would be tempted to be just as cosmetic as her... Actually it was sortof sad. May wrinkles never scare me. Never diminish me. Never anul my beauty. May other peoples scars and fat and real bits never push me away. May I always love and relish in the reality of being human, having flaws, and growing older.

Ain't no jones

So I went to this Home last week.the owners I truly enjoy. But I left feeling like.. Wow. I am so not like that. And wondered why. Why do I not have organized labeled Tupperware in my pantry? Why don't I follow recipes? Why don't I where an apron? Why doesn't my week have a schedule? Why don't my kids have a schedule? Why do I eat sushi and chocolate chips for breakfast? Why don't i know what day it is? Why don't I have a career? Like Why Don't I Grow Up? Like Why Don't I Grow Up and Read parenting books and schedule my babies and make them cry it out like every other intelligent Wonder Woman? Why don't I do all my laundry on Mondays? Why don't I do all my ironing on Tuesdays? Good grief, why don't I have a nanny and a housekeeper like all these other Wonderful people? Why do I have obnoxiously large overly colored paintings on everyone of my walls that no one would ever actually want in their house.. Why don't I lose the baby weight man? Why don't I run marathons or travel or make a good quinoa salad? Why don't I even care if my kids eat or not when food is presented to them? Why am I so lazy? Why can't I just tighten up those shoe strings and make something remarkable out of myself? ... So ya, I could go on.. And I'm not sure if I even have an answer. Probably some words my Leonard Cohen, or Nellie Furtado would be appropriate...

Got your back

Expectations are the worst. Is it wrong to get offended. Certainly. So never mind me and this short rant. One of my expectations that I have in others is that if I send an inquiry, comment, or note to someone via phone, text, email, or FB, that i will get a response ...a somewhat timely response. Now I am known to be a bit of a flake so I can't even confirm that I have never left someone hanging. I have also used the don't call me, just text me tactic as well. Once I realized that I hadn't responded to a very generous note someone had written me for a year, and I truly felt horrible about it. It had obviously been a crazy year. Anyway, with that said, as I age I realize that I need to hang on to the friends that I have. Sometimes things are not smooth and easy, but I still want to work with what I got.. I even appreciate those who can just be polite whether or not they are in an overt friendly space or not. Politeness I am finding in itself can cause and even save friendships.. And it's free.

O Winter, where art Thou?

So the forecast is Finally looking sunny and nice summer weather. And I am sort of bummed. While everyone I know cannot wait for summer weather, I actually grin and bear it. I really like cooler weather. I actually have a hard time even going outside in the summer unless I know for sure that there will be shade. I sound like a granny. Wait a sec.. I feel like a granny too! Maybe I am a granny.. I do like warm weather, I like flowers, like rain, really like snow... Not even sure why. I can remember ages ago I would get really down and depressed in the winter.. At least I thought it was Because of Winter... I think something clicked in my brain when I lived on the island.. Like survive and love grey days or else... I know I know boring post. Just bracing myself for heat and cranky days.

from CNN

The mother with an important but dangerous job sat down to write a goodbye letter to her two young daughters. Just in case, she thought. The Taliban could get lucky this time and finally kill her. Fawzia Koofi, who is campaigning for the presidency of Afghanistan, began by writing this to her 10- and 12-year-old. "Today I am going on political business to Faizabad and Darwaz. I hope I will come back soon and see you again, but I have to say that perhaps I will not." If she didn't come home, she wrote little Shuhra and Shaharzad, they should take their mother's advice on how to get on without her. "First," she wrote, "don't forget me." Finish school, live independently, stay with your aunt, study abroad. All the money their mother has in the bank, it's all theirs. Spend it wisely, on school. "A girl needs an education if she is to excel in this man's world." Explore the world. Be brave. Make your country a better place. "All of us human beings will die one day," Koofi wrote. "Maybe today is the day I will die. But if I do, please know that it was for a purpose." Despite her security detail receiving a message that the Taliban had planted a bomb under her car, she went, and made it back home safely. This is Koofi, someone who believes without question, even since childhood, that purpose has always guided her. Luck was just something that always showed up when she needed it.
Sun Jun 17, 06:39 PM A father's love: the most influential of all? Staff Gregory Slayton, author of 'Be a Better Dad Today!' appears on CTV News Channel, Tuesday, June 12, 2012. Former U.S. president George Washington once said, "All I am I owe to my mother." But a new study suggests it was his father who may have had more of an influence on his development. Researchers at the University of Connecticut compiled data from more than 500 studies in an attempt to answer the question of whether the acceptance, or rejection, by either a mother or a father has the biggest influence on a child's personality development. They found that while most children receive the same levels of acceptance or rejection from each parent, it was one parent's rejection that had the most significant impact on a child. The research found that a father's rejection often had a greater impact than a mother's. In another part of their study, the researchers looked at the potential development impacts of that rejection. They analyzed data from 36 studies, and found that children who feel rejection from their parents tend to feel more anxious and insecure, and also tend to be more hostile or aggressive toward others. The sting of childhood rejection also carries forward into adulthood. Adults who experienced rejection as children tend to find it more difficult to establish trusting and secure intimate relationships. The researchers note that an international team of psychologists has already developed a theory about why a father's rejection may have a greater impact on development. Children, the psychologists say, may pay closer attention to the parent they perceive to have the most power or prestige in the relationship. Therefore, if the child perceives his or her father more power, his words and actions may have greater impact. Meanwhile, the team of psychologists is working on the International Father Acceptance Rejection Project, conducting further research into the relationship between a father's rejection and a child's personality development. Study co-author Ronald Rohner said the findings carry an important message, and that is the importance of a father's love to a child's development. Rohner also said a better understanding of a father's influence on personality development may help end so-called "mother blaming." "The great emphasis on mothers and mothering in America has led to an inappropriate tendency to blame mothers for children's behaviour problems and maladjustment when, in fact, fathers are often more implicated than mothers in the development of problems such as these," Rohner said in a statement. The study was published in the May 2012 edition of Personality and Social Psychology Review, a journal of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology. Be a better dad The findings correspond with the release of a new book on fatherhood by former United States ambassador to Bermuda, Gregory W. Slayton. In "Be a Better Dad Today: 10 Tools Every Father Needs," Slayton offers advice on fatherhood based on interviews with dads on all five continents. "I started to see that there were a lot of things that dads did, effective fathers, whether we were in Canada or Japan or Africa or Europe," Slayton told CTV News Channel in an interview earlier this week. "And that's what became the 10 tools that every father needs." Slayton, a father of four, said parenthood was especially challenging for him, having grown up without a father. And he admits that his guidelines for being a better father aren't simple. But as with anything you build, including the relationship with your children, "you need tools." Those tools include putting family first, even when work takes up so much of a parent's life. "What that does mean is that when we're home we're deliberate about putting down the newspaper, turning off the game on the TV…spending a few minutes a day with each member of our family," Slayton said. While that may seem obvious, some of Slayton's rules are less so, including the directive to be "all-in" when it comes to marriage. "All-in marriage is simply the fact that one of the best gifts we can give our children is a stable, secure home," he said. "And the way to do that is to really love the children's mom." His book acknowledges that relationships fail, and includes advice for single fathers and blended families. But his advice comes down to what he believes dads are most obligated to give their children: advice they can carry with them into the future. "We all think about what we're going to give to our kids: money, houses, boats, whatever it might be," Slayton said. "But the reality is those things don't have a big impact on the happiness of the kids later in life. What does have a big impact is are we as dads, and moms, able to transfer to our children a set of ethical and moral values that's going to help them navigate the tricky complexity of life?"

!! .....please please please read this post! Thank you so much to this person who added his personal and honest Voice to all the other voices out there who have an opinion about the Gay issue/life/experience. Thank you so so much for having the guts to expose yourself to all the criticisms of the world. I so admire people like this. You know sometimes I am tempted to keep my mouth shut, and even sometimes I do:).. But sometimes I remember how dangerous it is to be quiet...dangerous because then what if everyone was quiet except a certain few.. That equals danger. I find that most of my comrades choose to keep their mouths shut.. Sometimes I appreciate that, other times I wonder if that is helping.. Not sure. I am on a tangent. My point is simply about the Gay thing. The pulse of our culture is quickly becoming a place where ONLY one way of thinking about homosexuality is an option.. Our society is so caught up in acceptance that in some ways it is robbing other areas . Namely and absolutely freedom of speech and freedom of religion, but also just freedom to be a homosexual and still have a (not sure how to word this) .. Normal? Heterosexual? Authentic biological family experience. So what am I saying? Nothing really. I have always loved homosexuals.. And I embrace homosexuals coming out of the closet.. Yes please live honesty!... I just don't think it's fair that younger homosexuals/lesbians are basically given one option. Embrace your sexuality. Forsake religion. Forsake a natural family experience. They are being robbed of other choices. That is what I love about the post this guy wrote. Another option. A happy option. Any one who thinks you cannot possibly live a happy life in a relationship that doesn't cater to ones first nature is proven wrong in his blog post. Anyone else who has ever been married can also attest(sp?) to this fact. That the marital relationship and marital sex life is nothing like our first nature anyway. This guys probably has a more fulfilling sex life now anyway in his "heterosexual" marriage, and he absolutely has a more fulfilling family life. I am so refreshed to read about people who have the courage and the wisdom to live differenty and to share it.


A Texas father may have been within his rights when he beat a man to death after allegedly catching him in the act of molesting his four-year-old ... Not sure what to say about this news item. O be honest, when I read it, I felt refreshed. I felt refreshed because sometimes I wonder if I am alone in this world. When I hear or learn of a disgusting act against a child, I don't recover well. I truly cannot reconcile myself to a world where even pedophilia even exists. I cannot even remotely come to terms with it. I was refreshed simply because someone somewhere obviously feels the same way as me. I was even more excited to read all the comments by more and more people who also felt refreshed. I do not agree with murder .. My refreshing is simply that I understood what he did and why. I too would pull out that psycho if I ever encountered jazz like that happening to any child around me. I am refreshed that there are still people who have a problem with wrongness.
I'm sorry. I am so sad today. Someone I know ended their life. Someone who had a lot of self inflicted misery- misery nonethe less. I am so sad for those who were closer to him. His children especially. It's hard enough I am sure being close to someone with so many demons; but so much more I am sure when hope is gone and the final stamp was so depressing. I am regretful as I of coarse wonder if I could have done something from afar. I am sad because this person had every opportunity to have found joy and happiness in the Light. I am so sad. The last funeral Scott and I went to was a suicide of a young relative on my husbands side. And so I am thinking today about sad people in the world. Hiding behind happy faces on facebook, hiding behind drugs and alcohol, hiding behind blame, suffering in self loathing, strangled by fear, over whelmed by lifes mistakes. I am so sorry for the sorrow you bear. I am so sorry you feel so alone....
A wise woman told me once the reason she said yes to doing Gods Will, was because she was afraid of where her "No" would take her.


In my spirit That visceral place and extension of self The wide winged home for the Holy I have discovered found and known;fallen upon, stumbled upon, wonderously without a doubt, Touched the Living Spirit of the One; been taught by, comforted from, oil of gladness running over, sure blessing bubbling up. In my most ugly and desperate lonely moments of human truth, I have found the Rock. The Peace. The One. The invisible one is so visible now. So clear. Richness. Piles of it. I sit and count. I count and count. There is no end to the counting. This is what I have found. Was given. For some reason. The sound of the Word vibrates sweet within Me. My smallness, human ness, makes it hard to tell and dispel, this exact thing so vague and personal. I want to give.
15 Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. 17 And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.

Someone elses time

In this day and age, it is pretty obvious that Time is very important. People seem to have no extra time. People do not want to waste Time. One reason of coarse is that Time is Money. But there are other reasons. Time is Family. Time is Salvation. Time is a gift . Time is very expensive because we can't buy time. We all plan our days. Even moms have plans and their time matters. Their time is not only their time, it is also their childrens time. Which brings me to my daily AhhhhhH! so I was looking after the neighbor girl. Her dad was 2 hours late picking her up! No explanations. Today she was to be here at 9, I received a text at 10 saying she wasn't coming. No apologies! Wow hey! See that is all so not ok. Made even more difficult because it's my neighbors. Some people are not Time people, I say bull! Those same people make it to job interviews on time, and arrive at the airport on time. The fact is if we do not respect other peoples time then we don't respect them. You cannot possibly say that you appreciate or respect someone and then in turn disrespect their time.
Freedom of speech Freedom of religion Today my blood is racing I am honestly not a political person I don't think. But Alberta politics right now is just crazy! Any yahoo has the right in this free and fair land to say and believe whatever they want. If they think all practicing homosexuals are going to hell then that is his business. If some gay priest comes along and says that only gay people are going to heaven then that is also his business. It is a free land. I am allowed to disagree with homosexuality, and you are allowed to be a homosexual or whatever else. I cannot believe the Craziness here about what some pastor said on his blog. It's like a holy war here. People are allowed to be Christian. They are allowed to say they think Mohammed was off his rocker if thy want. They are allowed to say they don't believe everyone is going to heaven. You are allowed to say that Christians are wrong. Or whatever else you want to say.And just because someone likes to wear cowboy boots doesn't make them a racist small minded hater. Ok got to go

The only tea worth buying

4 o clock Organic And Fair trade And Cheap And available always at Superstore And The best flava!
Kony 2012 From what I gather from my cousin who lives in Uganda as a journalist, the people of Uganda and even those who were afflicted themselves, do not at all think that this Glossy Kony 2012 thing is senseful or helpful


It's not happy people that are thankful, it's thankful people that are happy


Dare I get political. I dare not. Well, maybe I dare. All I know is there seems to be a growing Movement that asserts anyone that isn't Radically Liberal must of coarse be a Radical. Honestly the political flavor I dislike the most is that of the pot smoking, low pant wearing, 30 something, that still thinks it's cool and smart and interesting just to be a rebel for the sake of rebellion. Flaming liberalism with no actual basis or plan for intelligent political management. Truth is, I don't vote. I don't vote because I feel I don't have the whole story ever. I had a friend once, an artist he was. Raised by a very wealthy man who put him through a decade of art school. And still after everything that was handed to him still wanted more money and support from the government.!? What world are these people living in?..this is not the garden of Eden people. Sometimes we don't get what we want. Actually I think everyone should run as an independent. There would be no parties and no confusion. Nothing is worse then voting for a moron just to support a party . I think Nenshi did the right thing. I could keep writing but then I would prove more of my ignorance.
I am sure I have confessed before that Dollar Stores make me feel guilty: but, have I confessed how much I enjoy Cheap? I really enjoy Cheap. Kite 2$. Adoreable garden hummingbird thingys 1.25$! Yay!

2 things

I am sure no one ever told me: -how much 4 yr olds talk -how much 4 yr olds wiggle

How it went down

They were fighting I took Hope into timeout I said Why are you so angry She said I feel it in my heart Already she knows where the problem lies Later they were arguing again I said -is there a problem Yes mom-she said- there is something wrong with my heart Sometimes we parents like to tell ourselves our kids don't know don't understand can't be held responsible. But when I see my daughter I reckon they are just as wise as us. Just as wise as we allow them to be. Just as spiritual as we give them credit for.


Have you met Hannah!? Hannah is my daughters imaginary friends That's right friends Her husbands name is Hannah Tomlinson Her daughters name is Hannah Her friends are all named Hannah except for Teeny Not sure where the name even came from When she was a baby I called her Hanney Maybe that's where
Btw I know my words and capitals and layout is wack .. Not sure why it shows up like that once I post
Hiding in the corner Hiding from the children Neighbour girl is here today Today she yelled that she was the Devil Like where would a child ever learn that? They are fighting lots today Yikes Daughter is in time out O The joys

Pretty scarf

Seeing you last week Made me realize Better What your burden is I feel bad That I hadn't really Seen it till then (even now I am sure I don't really get it) How do you remain a giver? I feel bad that I have complained about hair loss Or about not feeling very good I feel somehow guilty That it is you and not me
Daughter Today when the preschool teacher said that You loved art so much and you could do it all day I just wanted to cry Not out of joy or pride No no Out of pity Poor you daughter of mine As I think you are gonna be too much like me Would love to spend my days pasting puttering painting And do from time to time But have yet to discover a way to make the pleasant work of art become work of pleasant income Dear daughter Study chemistry and dentistry Engineering and math Pls refrain from any dreamy attempts at life Save yourself the agony
I'm the one at the potluck who brought the watermelon Always
Dare anyone admit they have a heart made of flesh
Some people have loved one person and they married that person. Some people pretend they have only loved one person and they married that person Some people have probably never really loved another person and remain wondering about these things Some people I am sure get married to someone they love and then find they have feelings for someone else. That is scary stuff. I say run. Move. Change anything to remove yourself from that person. Pray for help. Deliverance. Some people have loved others before in different ways. I am one of those people. I would be lying if I said I never felt something for someone else before. The reason I am writing this is it's on my mind as I also dreamt about an ex last night. I dreamt I loved them. But then the dream turned into a nightmare as the story progressed the same way the relationship did. It reminded me again of all the different kind of "Loves" there are. I am no Master of Love but I will think of some: Godly Love Brotherly Love Universal Love Motherly Love Teenage I love you so much I'm gonna cry Your so cute I want to barf Love Your so funny and smart I want to barf Love I love you like a friend Love I used to lust after you but now I don't Love And the worst : I love you so much I can't shake you even though I should Love That one I don't even know if it should be called "Love" but that's what it feels like. The best Love to marry I think is: I trust you. Know you. Know you are the one. See your faults. Act like myself. Peace Love Anyway. Whatever loves you have known may not be as I have known. My neighbor is In a very contolled marriage where she is not allowed to talk about an ex ever. Like as if she never had an ex. I have had exes. That's life. I even really cared about them. That's life. I am so glad that my future included none of them. I was glad To awaken out of my love romance nightmare to my still sick husband making pancakes with his kids. Thank you Deliverance.

Far away

I dreamt I saw you again last night. You were working at an Amos and Andes store. I was trying on wool socks. I said you looked so tiny. I said I was sorry because I didn't come to the funeral. I said I had a good feeling about everything you were going through. Your girls were so cute.


You should have seen the look on my husbands face when I told him I wasn't really interested in losing weight anymore because it's too trendy! Actually I am getting bored with the whole thing. I am at 162. So I think I lost one pound in 5 weeks. Yipee!! Look out Demi Moore!!


Sorry that last post sounded sort of negative. Truth is right now in this exact moment I couldn't feel more positive about life. Presently my daughter is outside swallowing fresh falling snow. This isn't just any snow. These are the BiggestFlakesofTheYear .. They are falling so hard and so fast it's like we are drowning in beautiful whirling wonderment. I am so thank full right now for a backyard In a free country with healthy kids. I wouldn't call myself outdoorsy. I don't hike or ski or skate or run or swim. I am not even remotely interested in marathons or son boarding or skidding or water skiing. But I am outdoorsy in that I love to go outside. I love to sit on my deck or walk in grass. I love to Stare at the clouds and wonder at the wind. I love storms. My neighbors think I am crazy. There I am no matter what weather sitting outside. Just sitting. Just existing. No matter what the mood; it's always better outside. I especially love my south facing fully windowed kitchen. My geraniums are literally 3 ft tall. K it's so snowy right now I almost lost my child. Good thing I can hear we strung buttons. My mom had given me her life collection of buttons and right now they are pretending to be a chandelier... Pretty cute actually. Today I also looked after the neighbor girl for the day.. Last time she was in my care she dropped the F Bomb twice! Ya that was she is a bit of work, but actually it's good for me. Anywy babbling here.. Got to go


What school did you go to? I know I've talked down this topic before But it remains on my mind School Children amoung children Teens amoung teens I marvel when parents are nonchalant about their kids in school. I marvel because obviously their experiences were not like mine I can remember often being asked to sit in the hall in grade 2. Me and my teacher didn't get along . Her name was mrs.potter. I can remember getting in a fight in grade 3. I can remember all the girls in grade 5 had to get together because there were so many fights between us all. I can remember the 2 cool boys in grade 5 and 6 who ran a business where they were Molesters.I can remember we had to walk to the bathroom in twoes because there was real creeps spotted outside. I can remember great big meanies in the after school program. I can remember grade 7 and one of my friends whose dad tried to strangle her with the blow dryer and she showed up at school with the burns around her neck.I can remember when S got depressed after H dumped him and he stabbed himself in the guts numerous times. I can remember visiting him in the hospital. I can remember when JL got out of jail for pimping.. That's right Pimping. Jl was a female. I can remember when she came to school with No hair because some gang peeps had cut all her hair off. I can remember going to our friends house and skipping school in the afternoons to get drunk. Yes grade 8 was full of alcohol. Of coarse that was exactly what the school dance was for.. Drinking. This is obviously when I started smoking. I can remember twice in 2 months that some beef butches wanted to kick my butt for some dumb reason(maybe I already told this story) (anyway i got out of it) I remember that's when Gigs were fun. All of my closest Friends lost their virginity by grade 10. I can remember when Chris decided I got out of my place and put a fist to my face and threatened to bash it in if i didn't get on my knees and beg for forgiveness and promise to keep my mouth shut. That was the year my boyfriends cousin died at the bar. That was the year my mom took H to the hospital for stitches after her boyfriend through a glass bottle at her. That was when K dropped out because S was threatening to kick her ass. That's when I met O. The first time i laid eyes on him he was fighting outside our school. Neither of them went to school of coarse. They had both recently gotten out of jail. That year J and K both tried to kill themselves and R just talked about it all the time. This is just a very short version of my school years. It is all true and makes me very very afraid for my kids.

Can't believe we never lost our rings

Happy 5 years That's right 5 years Ups and downs Chaos and calm Sickness and health Ugly ugly and lovely Never another 2 houses and an apartment 2 kids and a faithful cat 2 cars and 2 more Lots of jobs and more grey hairs Weight loss gain loss gain  Zero real vacations Lots of discussions Many many prayers by us and others  Piles of forgiveness by us and others Still we are and will always be absolutely a match Made in Heaven. I have never doubted that. I have doubted you And I have doubted me But never heavens choice... If you weren't presently lying in bed ill with Man Flu, if baby wasn't presently    Sick with baby Flu maybe we could actually do something fun. But, looks like our anniversary is gonna show just like our life: real.  Really real. Marriages don't delete. 

Ultra Yikes

Just read an article about  After-Birth Abortions I am sure you can guess my thoughts on any abortion But what I find sickly fascinating is their philosophy that justifies the killing. These "doctor/philosophers" suggest that because the new born would not actually perceive a loss to itself if it died then I is not a person and can be killed because the mother is a person and should be able to choose if the Childs life is too burdensome for their life. So my next thought is; other than the obvious is With that philosophy in tact maybe we should kill all of the dementia folks or autistics or comatose etc. These people may not experience a loss to themselves if they died, does that mean they are not Persons? And at what age in their mind does a baby become a person. My 6 month old probably could be considered not a person. Why is it murder if you kill your baby in a night rage and not murder if you methodically kill your newborn in the hospital when it comes out. One of the arguments they have for murder is that sometimes a person does not know they will have a Downs Syndrome baby until it is born, so mothers should have the right to kill it then as they would have the right to kill it in the womb had they have known it was Downs. Are morals ever to be based upon convenience ? Why not give it up for adoption if it's so terrible? I don't have all the words and brains to beat this topic to the ground today. I just want to say that Doctors/Clinics/Hospitals can call it Pregnancy Management, they can make you feel o so clean and right about "Choosing".. But the truth is that it is murder. Ugly ugly murder.
The grey sky and grey buildings and grey roads and grey trees and black jackets are so not working for me today

A little marika in da house

Just got a note from a friend I new when I lived on the island.. I met some super sweet people out there. Actually I have been meaning to write this post for a while.. It goes like this:: What I miss about Victoria: I miss the smell The humidity The sound of the rain all winter long The beach -obviously The way the culture feels out there The uncompetitive, slowed down feel The walking everywhere The "o, you all live in one small apartment-great! the "o- you can only afford a cup of tea- o well- let's share"! The early blossoms The always green The let's hang out Where my sister was born and lives Easy friends Wonderment Funny my husband also lived on the island when he played hockey.. We are  going there together next month!! Yay!

We've been reading

Laura Ingalls Wilder Her books Will read them all Great for kids Humble pie

Lurk much?

Got to love 1300 page views last month and like 2 comments.. Hmmm? Don't be shy people.

I'm sorry, but have we met?

So this is nothing new. But feels new to me today: We are not today who we were yesterday. Here's my attempt; my gift I will try to give you. Yesterday. 10yrs ago.  You may have been a jerk You may have been something ugly You may have seemed this or that But today I want to give you the chance to be free: to be new;  If you are again who you were. That's ok. Tomorrow I want you to know that      It's a new day.  In theatre school the worst thing for an actor was to be "typecast".. Where you were always cast as the same type of character. It was a problem because it could ruin your career; people would not see who else you could be. The worst judgement I am thinking today, is not judgements of the day, but gross assumptions based on yesterday.. How can we change and be  better Christians, mothers, friends  if people think they have already figured us out and that people don't change? Because people do change. They change with experience, with time, with God. In fact they must change. We must all change . So why not make it easier on each other. I know I am the first to "typecast". But today I am thinking life could be even more interesting if we allowed people to surprise us, or even just gave them more than one how about a million chances? How does that sound. Isn't that what God is doing for us? My favorite thing is being surprised by a person (not like boo! Or yikes)  like " wow I thought that chic was such a cow, and she's actually really sweet".. Or how about if someone does act like a cow that we just assume that they are really fantastic deep down but they are going through something. One thing I know is no matter how hard I try, someone some where will be offended ; maybe rightfully so, maybe not.. I am so glad for people that have given me chance after chance after chance.. That's it for now, chin up newby!

The great revealing or not so much So I have decided to really come out from the rock And share my previous blog Which I haven't written on in forever I am slightly embarrassed As my angst is obvious And every once in a while a minor expletive shows up But interesting none the less As it represents a special time of my life Mid twenties


If it's yellow Let it mellow If it's brown Flush it down

Daily dose

Luke 13
Of coarse I don't really mean boring I mean common We are all just humans So we have a lot in common I mean is anyones experience or struggle so unique that different rules apply? Is anyones love or hate or desire so special that it can't be summed up as "the human flesh" We like to think some people are so uncommon. Even criminals. No. They are just humans living in bondage to flesh. I guess sometimes people can seem so dark it's almost like they have given themselves over to the darkside.. Yikes! Anyway Got to go Don't even know what I am talking about


How come in school we weren't allowed to copy eachother. We were not allowed to steal ideas, to draw the same picture, to tell the same story.. Sometimes we did copy and we always felt ashamed. Now, in adult life it's allowed, it's called sharing. Or getting an idea. And I do so get that! Ideas are great! I just don't understand why in school it's called cheating and in real life it's a free for all.. I do this too.. Not too long ago I went to someones house and saw an ottoman that I HAD to have. I said where did you get that? How much was it? And I went and bought it... Could have cared less that I was "copying" her. The thing about it is this person and I have a very similar aesthetic appreciation... So maybe that's why I didn't feel odd about being a Copycat..(that's the word I am looking for) Because here is my true confession I get sharing I get trying But I think stealing does still exist But that's a matter of the heart Impossible to prove Does it even matter Maybe to the person being copied Maybe not Goodness, we can't all be original can we? We're just humans! But do I want my daughter to use her own ideas( what does that even mean anyway), not to copy another's. I want her to have original thought. To think "well, I like that persons idea, but is it me? Is it mine? Could I find a better way? Am I trying to be like someone else? Does this stuff matter? Maybe not But I think there may be people that try so hard to be like this or like that, that they lose their honest understanding of themselves .. And I think we all need an honest understanding of ourselves Don't we? Now I'm really on a tangent.. Do we ever really see ourselves for who we actually are? Or does that take a life time. I was jut thinking of someone I know who often seems like they sum up themselves very different then anyone else would on the outside . But, arnt we all like that. Do I see myself perfectly? Absolutely not. Sometimes we have moments of clarity I think,I hope. Sometimes I am astounded by how simple and common we all are. Even truly fabulous interesting people still have their common boring parts.


I know no one is gonna believe this Buy I don't get the pinterest thing.. I guess it's cheaper then magazines..?
Thanks Sam! So sweet and kind of you :)

Poetic Justice

Sometimes being a mom feels like Death Metal, sometimes Mozart Today again, included some wonder As we sat in the clinic recovering from shots a woman with her baby girl sat there. This mother had a very strong presence; strength, warmth, kindness. I was actually sitting there being mind boggled by what having a child does to a woman. It unites us. Moms and moms have a lot in common just because of having a child. Me and this woman were very different . Different backgrounds/ethnicity/culture etc. Anyway, I was thinking of this woman and her vibe and the nurse came in and called her daughter in for her shots.."Mercy" "Mercy, come on in"..  I was like Hilarious "This is Justice" I just think Justice and Mercy go together like salt and pepper.. Anyway, I know there are other little babies named Mercy and Justice.. But there was something so precious about that little moment. About that little baby Mercy and all that she means to her mom, all that her mom hopes for her, and yes, expects from her.. So precious...
Today I am overwhelmed by this religiosity . I am tired and afraid of saying the wrong thing. I am afraid of being a hypocrite. I am afraid of hurting someone. I am grieved because I know i am one pathetic excuse for a Christian. I can't take back anything I said because I believe it all to be true. I would like to take back some spelling mistakes but I am too lazy. I wish I could get excited about blogging about a new recipe or a trip to the zoo. But I don't find that stuff interesting in the least.(probably why I am a bad cook). Truth is I've got enough on my plate as it is just trying to be a good mom/wife etc. I'm not here to condemn anyone and I desperately fear my own judgement day. I hope that everyone sorts it all out . I hope you can forgive me reader, if I was too blunt, too much for you. 
We are all on a journey Faith is not static
So for readers who don't know.. These last 3 posts are in Response to a comment I received about 6 posts back. This final response is going to be pretty anti-climactic.. At first I thought it would be a great opportunity to defend my fellowship and beliefs/church.. Because let's be real here the person blatantly attacked my church.. But why would I cast my pearls before swine? Why? What will it gain? Will I win this persons soul? Will I convert someone? Most likley I would just further offend. I do not at all take back my post about saving the world or peace. I've always said one can't understand war unless they understand religion. This persons accusation of me is actually in itself a perfect example of why there cannot be peace on earth, but rather division. Because I don't believe what he does, he is upset. Wants to change me. Doesn't think that I get it. This is precisely why there cannot be peace on earth. I understand. There are obviously many people who live their life by a philosophy that I do not agree with, nor do I respect. This causes division .just imagine what kind of tumult is possible when one person or community or country or culture has a belief that someone should be put to death because of their beliefs..this is why there is war.(well this and power) If one could remove corruption out of this world then one would save the world. How is that possible when one cannot even remove the corruption and blindness out of ones own heart?. Jesus said the whole world lies in wickedness. The whole world. When I read the Bible, I read a jillion different things. A lot about love. A lot about sacrifice . Gods sacrifice. Our own sacrifice. I read a lot about prayer. Finding out gods will. I read a tone about how to deal with our own personal problems. I read about respecting the ministry. I read about what the ministry should be like. WhAt church should be like. What men should do and be like. Even what women should act like and look like. Yikes! There is some pretty detailed stuff in there that I don't take likely. People like to rip Jesus out of the Bible and carry him around in their own self serving backpack . Jesus is the word. The Bible is also the Word. The words of Paul are also the Word. The whole cannon of the Bible is meant to be one source. Christ is the authority and the head so there is no confusion, but we can't walk away from Paul, or the OT, or any exhortation that we don't think we like. The more I read the more Clear it is that the church and ministry have a certain shape. Does that mean I am judging any one elses Salvation? No. But if I were seeking for a church I would try and find one that fit with the bible. If I wanted to live in truth and have fellowship(which is scriptural) I would find a ministry that preached that gospel. I had a conversation once with someone close to me about their faith because at the time they wanted to find a new church. I explained that one main difference between her faith and mine was thy she believed in the Trinity and that I didn't . She said so? What difference does it make? I don't think it matters. Umm It does matter It is doctrine It changes the entire shape If you don't recognize that Jesus is the Son and not God then you won't understand that Jesus was a man with like flesh as we, but that he was obedient to God the father and was an example for us to follow. Self denial and obedience to the Father. Jesus is not God. Jesus was not God.Jesus was a man whose life is not at all summed up in his sacrifice. His Life was in living daily within Gods plan. His life is in the ressurection. Etc. Etc. Sorry I'm getting on a tangent. And why? I can't bring justice to Jesus. Te Word is sufficient . Anyway that's one thing that's been on my mind. Anyway this person who I was talking about her church never wanted to find the truth . She never wanted to search the scriptures and read and beg for answers. She didn't really want to know. She was too afraid or unwilling lest there would be a cost. Lest God would show her something that she didn't like . Maybe she just wasn't at the point in her life where she was desperate enough. Any church that tells you that you are good enough and to just lie back and trust in Salvation is false. Any church that allows for homosexual marriage is false. Any church that doesn't apply Gods judgement daily to themselves is false . Any church that shares a gospel of acceptance without repentance is false. Any church that thinks it's more important to eat organic, recycle, save the rainforests, or to stop any war ,is more important then the internal works of obedience to Christ within is false. Any church that doesn't focus on the Spiritual work. The invisible work of God is missing something. The Antichrist denies the Father and the Son. Any church that does not believ in a ministry that lives in sacrifice is missing something.. Anyway Thanks for the sweet message Bri. I was thinking how much fun I used to have when we went swimming in Vic .. Good times.. My last thought is most churches that I know of has an open door policy. Easy come easy go. So it should be easy to just leave a church without getting angry. If one is presently attending a church that they don't like and don't agree with and is cutting down innocent members of their fellowship in an effort to justify their dislike for their church and this has been going on for a long time. Just walk away. Do come back. Come back when You realize how horrid it is to betray the trust of people ou have fellowship with and trash them publically. Come back . I know all people struggle and that's not what I am talking about. I an talking about when there is no struggle left. Jus continuing for some unknown reason, maybe to try and change others... It's always been an open door.
Presently and daily I would like to save the world. I would like there to be no one starving . No one cold. No one in bondage. No one begging for justice. I would like to save the world. I would like there to be no more pain or sorrow or fear. No more war. Green grass. Clean water. Healthy rainforests forever and ever. Yes that is what I want. I have 2 innocent perfect pure beautiful children that have just not even began to taste of the true difficulty and bitterness of this life in this world. My being aches especially when I think of them. I stopped reading the news actually because I began to hyperventalate the last time I read about child pornography. No no this world I would love to change. My daughter her name is Hope. Not because of the Hope there is in this world. Not because of natural hope. There is no natural Hope. This flesh and this dust- they are one. Hopeless. My son is named Justice, not because of laws and rights and earthly justice. There is no earthly justice. The only just One is Christ. I am not personally capable of actually wiping every tear in this world. I cannot save every puppy. Even my therapist a while ago encouraged me that I was not the worlds garbage dump.. Like it wasn't for me to save all the puppies. It was dragging me down to a place far from God. Far from Peace. Far from Joy. Very far from trust. If you, yes you , need a place to stay you can stay here. If you need food, I can feed you. If you or someone else has fallen by the side of the road, and I happen to see you on my way to the library, it is my pleasure and great privilege to help you , yes to save you. If you know of a place that you think that I could be useful please let me know . Presently I do seem to serve a use here at home, but I am very sure I could do more. Often I wonder what that thing is. I wanted to save highly effected psychoatic abusive autistic teenagers and I had a break down and went on disability .. Why, because I would come home every night and cry my eyes out and have nightmares all night about them and their pain. Eventually I was robbed.If you know a lonely person who would like me to hold their hand on their death bed.. I will do it. My hubby sometimes serves at the homeless shelter.. I think that's great.. I understand that Calgary is one of the most charitable cities to live in. I love charity. I personally depend on charity myself as I am broke. I know I know I an rambling.. Just want to get it all out... You see, love and giving can be complex if it robs you of your Love and Trust in God.. If giving to people minimized your respect for the first and greatest commandment to Love God will all of my heart soul strength and mind. If we love God we will love his word.we will love his Will. I guess that is what it comes down to is what is his will for you and what is his will for me. I can it tell you that and vice-versa. You can speculate. You can assume that I am not doing the will of God because I don't wear organic underpants , nor to I have a flight booked to Uganda to parachute off into the parades of need there. See, I don't have a cape. I don't wear spandex. I am not a super hero . I just hope that God will tell me what to do when I need to do it. Presently God is asking me to pray for others. For the world . For those in Lonley places. For those who are sick and full of darkness. For those who have no hope . For those who are suffering. For those who are hungry . And yes for those who would accuse and condemn me. For those who have lost their vision and their Love for the Truth in Christ. For those who have had itching ears and wanted another doctrine.already today I have prayed for you twice. Not that you would do this or do that. Simply for you. That Gods Will would be done in your life. I am sure that as you journey and read and pray and are honest that you will be found in his Will. Isn't that how it works. Isn't that what I am trying desperately to do every day? I am very sorry with all sincerity that it doesn't appear that way to you- whoever you are.because I do care what you think.

Ola and Welcome Stranger

I salute you for your conviction and gumption to post a remarkably accusative anonymous post on a public blog. You and I should be friends.. Please check back as I will probably post a few times in response to you. I do enjoy religious conversation.. Even if difficult I think it is so good for all humans to try and discover and wonder about the spiritual realm... I cannot possibly justify or prove myself to you with words and vice-versa... But I think responding is necessary.. No doubt after all my rambling you will still think the same of me or maybe even worse. First off let me introduce myself. My name is Robin. I have a family. I live in Calgary. I have a BFA in Drama. Working with Autistic children was my addiction. I have a cat. I think in pictures. My main faults include anger selfishness bitterness self righteousness and covetousness. I am absolutely one of the weakest people you will ever meet by nature. I began praying as a child because I wanted something. I lived a very full youth in that I did whatever I wanted all the time. I did not at all live my life within any scope of Christianity inward or outward. But i guess when it came down to it I did fear God. I have plenty of religious family of different Christian sorts. My long term Muslim boyfriend is the one who encouraged me to figure it out.(long story) I lived in Victoria for a while. I paint.I read the Bible and believe it to be true. To hold the Truth. I do not believe that the Spirit would ever lead someone outside of the word of other words.. Some things are pretty clear. Somethings not so much. I love to go to gospel meetings. I do. I actually love to hear the gossple preached. It actually makes me happy. Joyful. Thankful. Excited. It makes me want say "come and hear".


So there is a scale in the bathroom at church.. And it appears I am not losing as fast as I think.. The biggest conspiracy is that I actually feel skinny.. Also, I don't have a full length mirror.. That might have something to do with it..while pregnant this time I reached 193.. Yikes!.. Still got a long way to go..

Life of a Million Miracles

Is where I am today
My new diet regime Which appears to be working Though I'm not sure as I have no scale... Fresh chopped garlic on toast with butter and honey You will stink But you will not be hungry

A little MJ

Heal the world Make it a better place For you and for me And the entire human race Yes Nice Words Should we all do are best to be nice and contribute to the betterment of humanity--sure Is the world ever gonna be a better place? These are the words of Michael not Jesus. Jesus said there would be war and it would continue. Jesus said he did not come to bring peace on earth. He came to bring a sword to divide.. Even to divide families.. He did come to bring Peace in our hearts/spirit/soul.. But not for nations.. What I am pondering today folks is Is World Peace even condusive(sp) with Christianity.. Is trying to Save the World conducive ? Isn't God just going to make a new heaven and earth anyways? Of coarse I recycle and think it's good and necessary and even Righteous to Respect our environment;creation itself is a gift.. But "saving" the world.. I'm not sure... Like didn't God tell Adam that everything was made for man to Use? I guess maybe it's a fine line between use and waste Being wasteful cannot be right That would appear as being unthankful no?

Beware of family change rooms

It's not just your family


For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears;2timothy3:4 Thought maybe I should expound on the previous post. But again difficult as posting from my phone. I am not hear to tell you what to do, but I am also not hear to keep my mouth shut about Truth. Many many times in the NT is there warnings that a time will come when people/Christians will not want to hear the Truth.. They will want to hear another gospel .. One that is easier on the ears... One that doesn't tell them how to live or what to change.. One that tells them that they are good enough.. That they are saved.. That they should look forward to heavens open gates.. One that actually Denies what Jesus actually said. He said to change. He said we must all change and become Servants of God and die to our flesh and take up our cross and follow Him. Or we have no Hope. He said that narrow is the way and few there be that find it. The truth is we all want to do whatever we want.. Think whatever we want.. Lust and love and feel whatever we want for whoever we want whenever we want. This will lead us to spiritual death aka Hell aka Damnation aka weeping and knashing of teeth forever. Yes. That is what Jesus said. Tough pill to swallow. I am not going to lie to you like your other friends and family. I will not lie to you like you are lying to yourself. Because I love you because I don't want you or anyone else to live in the regret and horror of eternity. Because it is so wonderfull and honest and exciting to now prepare for our end. To now read and pray and earnestly try our best to live in the Word. There is no Salvation or Hope otherwise. I refuse to regret warning you. Because I love you. Be deceived God is not mocked for whatsoever a man soweth that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to the flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption. He that soweth to the spirit shall of the spirit reap everlasting life(Paul).. Our days are few and numbered. Seek and you shall find. Go church shopping. Read. Pray. Be willing to find out the truth. Be willing to be honest about your desires and deeds. Ask God what is right and wrong now. Judgement day is too late. Please. The other word I used in my last post was reprobate.. There is a vs that speaks about how people who are unwilling and dishonest for long enough God will just let them be that way. Let them live in self deciet .. They will have no conviction. No guilt. No fear. Infact they will probably have some sortof self righteousness or peace or comfort living for themselves. But the sad truth is these people are lost. I guess that's enough for today folks. I am desperately tryig not to condemn and accuse and sound high and mighty. I am simply trying to paraphrase the Bible incase someone out there actually cares.

Dearly departed

I see your lie finally I was confused before as to how you could be confused I no longer wonder I see exactly where the reprobate mind has come I see what your itching ears has got you And it did make me cry Not for the reason that you had hoped
So just an update here..darling daughter has returned to her rather sweet and normal self..seems that removing her naps was a very bad we are back in nap land and all is well

til death do us part

there's one other wee topic that i have wanted to venture in
but have been putting off

i just want you all to know that things can change

everyone for sure knows that Scott and I were seperated in 2010 for the year. and previous to that our marriage was umm,... like it really sucked. there are no words to describe a terrible marriage and if you have never lived in one then just be very very very thankful. there are other words i could use to describe it but i won't. so we had a very real true seperation in which i had no hope what so ever that things would work out. just ask those who were close to me. i thought my life was essentially over. as you may know i live by Jesus' words (i think Matt. 6 etc.) that those who marry someone who is divorced is committing adultery... in other words we marry once. unless death .
bad writing skills today
i am sick and my back hurts
ok where was i?
so i thought for sure no more kids and single hood for life which wasnt at all what i had "planned/hoped".

anyway i don't know what happened
i know that I believe God gave me a miracle

I cannot believe how good my marriage is
i truly cannot believe how much my life has changed
it is so amazing to actually discover what a good marriage feels like
it feels so easy

things can change
people can change

always believe that

so everybody and their new years resolutions
i had none
until Sunday morning rolled around
and we heard about this dude in the OT
who pleaded for mercy when he was to die
but all his life he never showed mercy.
and i thought of that verse
Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy
and i thought how truly
inept and pathetic i am at being a christian and how much i am absolutely depending on mercy
and i thought
i better step it up a notch in the mercy department
remembering where it says
there is no mercy to those who have shown no mercy

so thats my one and only goal

(yes lose weight... does that even count??)

my son
is a true peach
sometimes i forget he exists
no lie
this kid never cries
and sleeps 8 hours on average every night
this is not normal
and i am sooo grateful
as i have a full plate
some peoples plates are smaller then others
off to the races
2012 is already proving itself to be rather interesting
i am actually some what hesitant as to what the year will bring
2011 was so good - feels like i was perched high- wonder about falls you know?
new years eve my grandma had a heart attack
and some other family stuff is going on
today my neighbour came over and basically confessed to me that she is searching for peace and God
interesting no?

but mostly the last week i have been suffering in parental binds
and for anyone who does not have a child
or a child with a will
please just skip over
because you have no idea.

my precious daughter is essentially a 17 yr old trapped in a almost 4 body
she has no fear of any possible reprove including things not accepted by social services
this kid has a willllll. probably inherited by either one of her overly intense parents
either way latley i am just BOGGED down in not knowing how to parent.
to me latley
parenting just feels like a crap shoot( i dont even know what that means except like basically anyway you look at it you cant win) i am actually beginning to fear my child
today on the way to my parents
i thought my daughter feel asleep
and i said to my husband
oh my goodness she's a slleep - sweet heavenly bliss!
and then she woke up and made some comment and
i was like oh my goodness she is like Chucky
(for all you who dont know Chucky was like this scarry horror film doll)
i feel like she is so smart and can be so good and she is so social and gets bored so easily
but she has no fear. this past week i have thrown out numerous items over "not Listening"
now i realize i am gonna need to stop that so now we are just taking things away for a day or two or there will be nothing left ( i cant afford that)
i know parenting is probably a really boring subject for most readers and that is fine. this is who  i am. i am a boring mother who is trying to parent my child and i desperatly fear having a disobedient child. why? because i love her.
love without discipline is not love
anyway. i am rambling.
advice accepted unless never tried first hand.
K i am so not tech savvy and so detest when things change  in the internet world. also my blogging is made almost non existent due to my non computer home and for some reason i cant figure out how to blog from my Iphone.. so theres my smart stuff for the day folks... im gonna try and post this and see if it works..