sometimes the most
honest, authentic, brave thing that we can say
i don't know

the other problem

the other problem with blogging is that I only can do it while I am at work, and I feel sort of bad about that because I am getting paid right now...
i am a serious person
which is why I am having a hard time blogging
because really I want to blog about serious things
but, I think sometimes serious things scare people
I can't tell you about this week
about the woman
or the man
or the money thing or the childcare thing

I can't tell you about my concern about false doctrine
I can't tell you about my fear over your lost soul
i don't want to bring up the story about the person who dropped their baby off in the dumpster
i don't want to share that burden with you

but, as you can see
i can't help myself
i can't help but be constantly burdened and enlightened with thoughts about yours and my spiritual welfare

I don't understand how you cannot pray at a time like this
i don't understand why you are not actively trying to have a relationship with God

I don't understand how you think that you are in control

I am so surprised at how easily you have left
(beware reader, if you think that you know who I am talking about, you likley do not)

I have to say life is interesting
I keep thinking about a year ago this month
a year ago I was in a state of surprising, overwhelming bliss and happiness
i had a fabulous job at a clay studio, my husband and I were getting along so fantastically, and I was really starting to feel at home in my home and with my child. I had just painted the wall a beloved shade of burnt orange. I even remember having a conversation with a great friend about how life was so good I was actually scared that something bad was going to happen...
funny that

and so we all know that something did happen and yes there was a fall from bliss... having said that, I really am even more grateful now seeing and knowing that God has kept me this year through circumstances unchosen..

so that's my wonderment for the day folks
so I was having this internal dialogue about mukluks
and how i really like them
but how they are almost too trendy
right now
sort of takes away the fun from buying them
and then I was going to get some other boots instead
but they weren't as fun and they were made in China (yes, I do actually care about that)
and then I went to this little store and found aqua mukluks
and I was like
how can I say no?
so yes, this winter
i will be again partaking in some overtly trendy attire
but simply,
I can't help myself
i have not had a coffee in a week
(this is btw a big deal)
i have learned this week
that the more I keep my mouth shut about stuff
the happier I am
truth is
i'm getting bored again with the blogging thing
i know i know
it ebbs and flows
but again
i am ready to throw in the towel

i'm letting them grow

that's right
no longer squinting into the mirror
to pluck that one new shiny curly white hair
because last time
i took out 5 good long brown happy hairs just to get the one
probably not worth it

so if you happen to notice my new aging hairs
please note
i too have noticed them
but i no longer am fighting the power