is the inevitable
and the inevitable difficult stuff
everyone is full of well wishes and optimism
which is nice
except i'm still in denial
truth is i am so afraid of reliving the past
so afraid of the muddy recovery
so afraid of being completley beyond myself
beyond words beyond the plea beyond the please
my Being is begging for mercy this time
mercy to function mercy to love
i heard J-Lo and Marc are seperating.. kinda sad
i am not really in a hurry to parent and birth a new child
i like summer but not so much heat
my street is melrose place
usually i find keeping ones mouth shut is wise- but there are 2 examples to which i believe keeping ones mouth shut is actually wrong.
1- if keeping your mouth shut is causing harm or might cause harm to you or another person or animal
2- if keeping your mouth shut is actually making you a liar beacuse you are not speaking truth or standing up for truth
i find though i tend to speak too much about too little most of the time- there are many other people with the opposite problem- the tendency and desire to smile and nod so much that they in effect deminish their own integrity and thus the integrity of another. sometimes people need to hear that they are wrong. sometimes i need to hear that i am wrong. sometimes one can do a tonne of good and provide a wealth of help when we encourage people to consider that maybe they are not right.
sorry my blog has been so boring latley folks- consider it a good sign. there is no drama in my life to report- there are no stories- there is barely any angst even-
convention was great.. better and better- deeper and fuller- wider and stronger-
happier. clearer. more joy.
the war is over, now it's just the battles that are left
blogging is soo much more difficult for me now that i am away from my work computer
my list of things to rant on about is getting small
as my brain also gets small
as my belly and behind get big
i am sooo overjoyed to be in our new house
that is soo sunny
i am still in a state of shock
we went to see the play Moms the Word the other eve
it was fantastic for a mom
if i had never had a kid
i would probably not have enjoyed it at all
all the humour was so
had to have been there
that i was at
kinda like a carnival festival gossple meeting event
with tonnes of strangers and kids and non strangers
and it was outside on green grass
and we were singing
"if we but knew"
and we were happy
if we but knew the cost at which he came
the price whereby the veil was rent in twain
would we not praise as angels praise his name
if we but knew, if we but knew
if we but knew the sorrow and the loss
the lonely hours, the garden, yea the cross
before such love all else would be as dross
if we but knew, if we but knew
if we but knew the joy his heart has planned
the strength and mercy of the outstretched hand
not long would he rejected waiting stand
if we but knew, if we but knew
if we but knew- O Jesus, Lord of all
before whom angels bow and nations fall
lest we resist thy sweet insistent call
if we but knew, if we but knew
all i want to say today about God is -what if? what if there is a God? What if he does have a plan? What if he did send his Son? What if what his Son said is written in the Bible? What if the Son told us how to live? What if the Bible is true? shouldn't we read it and figure it out for ourselves? shouldn't we desire to know the truth of what God wants for us and from us? Claiming ignorance at Gods gate is gonna get us nowhere.. claiming unity with other masses of mankind that do not serve God will also get us nowhere... we stand alone before him.
time is fleeting
as my simple bloggy blog
has been gaining a few viewers from
let's just say places
i hope they are thinking good thoughts
when they read
i am thinking maybe a should lesson up
on the global ring
as i am a harmless peace dove
who only also wants peace for you
*we got the house!! i am sooo excited- i am soo looking forward to getting out of here and into there
*mathew 25-When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’
44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’
45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’
46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”
(this passage is one of the most searching for me in the whole bible... because the people who were cast into hell did not know they had not done what they should have. somehow in their life they had not remembered others. they had not realized the absolute command and importance of loving and honouring and providing for their fellow people in the church- they were not sent to hell for what they did do- ie. a sin or terrible dark thing- they were cast into hell for what they did not do for Jesus-...)Lorne talked about this on Sunday
*heard the heartbeat on Monday
*freedom is a gift
*don't forget peeps- it's a small world..KYMS :)
France's controversial ban on wearing Islamic veils such as burqas took effect Monday.
The ban pertains to the burqa, a full-body covering that includes a mesh window over the face, and the niqab, a full-face veil that leaves an opening only for the eyes.
The hijab, which covers the hair and neck but not the face, and the chador, which covers the body but not the face, apparently are not banned by the law.
OK.. so do we understand the enormity of this law in France- that it is not allowing people to live the way they/their husband feel(s) is right in the eyes of God/Allah?
This is Huge
This is game changer
But then I was thinking about how if I don't believe in their religion, and I were to go to their country I would be forced to dress as though I did. How strange is that?
I am not laying any real answer out here folks- just a bunch of thoughts.
Like last week I went to the zoo and there was a woman(i think she was a woman) fully covered including face with black with sunglasses.(this would not be legal in France anymore).. and I was like.. "I wonder if she has a zoo pass- I wonder what the picture looks like on the zoo pass- I wonder if she stole her friends zoo pass who also wears the same garb- No one would ever know. There is no way the zoo security is going to ask this fundamentalist to de-scarf her face to show here identity. and this is my small point.
I am all about religious freedom. I depend on it. But what if our religious service means that we betray/conflict/deny the proper security of a country/institution? These women could easily be men. They could easily be someone else. Do you want to go on a plane ride to NYC with one of these people on board? Just saying..
and here is my other personal problem with this religious fashion- this has nothing to do with legalities.. but I had this thought. What if I was the last person on earth who was not a Muslim extremist. i was the only one in the supermarket who was not wearing full black garb. I could make eye contact with no one-I could smile at no one- I could connect with no one. (K truth is- if I was the last one left I would be taken and tortured to death- lets be real).. but my point is- there is something against Humanity and Togetherness and Fellow Person-ness in people completely covering themselves and actually Cutting Themselves Off from Everyone Else Around them. That is what bothers me the most. There is no connection. It completely denies the unity of humanity.
i know you think I am going off on this- but it is true. I make an effort to make eye contact with all sorts of different kinds of people- these are the one kind that I find always leave me feelin at a loss.
Not to mention it is scary. Good grief what do you think my 3 year old thinks when she sees that? She thinks what I think. She thinks- there is something wrong. and she is right.
And why black? why not pink? or white? or rainbow? Like why looks so dead? didn't God make you alive? What are you afraid of? Don't you want to smile and share a smile with someone else?
Don't you want to feel the breeze on your face?
I get actually pretty caught up in this topic. I remember the first time I saw women covered in Burqas in the Calgary Herald like 10 years ago- I read it out loud in my University class and you know what - i cried- that's right folks I cried- I cried because I was also a woman. I cried because I knew that it meant bondage. it still makes me sad-
I see no beauty in them. I see no beauty in their faith. I can't actually even see them at all
The only other people that dress with such coverings that I can think of are astronauts, radiation scientists, welders, and of course criminals- robbers or terrorists really like to cover their faces.
Back to the point. I encourage all people to exercise their religious freedom. I am very glad that France absolutely continues to allow these woman to cover 98% of their being. I am glad that I can wear what I feel is appropriate. I am glad that I don't have to wear what I don't think is appropriate. i am very thankful that we can meet and worship and not be afraid. I was just reading last week that all the people that were part of a christian church that was in the home in China were taken into custody. Religious Freedom is a gift.
this is truly meant for no offense to any fundamentalist Muslim people. I clearly don't understand the conviction for full coverage. although I do understand the conviction to live for God.
and you are at the order speaker
and the conversation is not going well- ie. not nice
and a car pulls up behind you
you can't reverse and change your mind
you can't say your sorry to the speaker
all you can do is expect that somebody snorted in your orange juice
as pay back
thats the worst
none of it is good
none of it is fun
none of it is just
there is a wide world of turmoil and pain oozing through the seams of my content North American life..
i've been surprised and sickened mostly
does any one else out there stay on top of this stuff?
i'm not saying that you should
what is the point of reading the news daily anyway?
there is just one story I cannot seem to get my head around
not sure if you heard about the crazy pastor in Florida who burnt a Koran..?
OK - so he burnt a Koran... why? who knows
the problem is that the Muslim world finally got wind of this singular act by some singular
person who happens to live in a free country
and they are hysterical and revengeful
and killing innocent people all over the place since finding this out...
I am serious -its been like 4 days of their wide spread protest against this one act a million miles away.
should anyone burn religious paraphernalia?
should any innocent person unrelated to an aggressive act against a religious book die because of it?
to me the rage displaying itself in these Muslim communities over this singular act is a sign of a few things-
their beliefs do not center around peace or peace making
their upbringing and culture does not teach rational acceptance of those that are different
their environment is causing, creating, and allowing for grossly aggressive behavior
they are probably unemployed
they have probably never been around people of other cultures in a safe and cooperative environment
here's the thing
I know and you know a whole bunch of people from other countries and cultures. and so what? Do I think my beliefs are right? of course I do or I wouldn't believe them or wrap every ounce of my life around them.. do I think other people are right? no. I honestly don't think other beliefs are right.. so yes, I am pretty extreme. I am like these Muslim people. But the Faith i have teaches me to Love and Forgive and Be Kind. That is my Law.
The Law of Love trumps every other fear or hate or desire to judge.
I must Love. I must not hate. I must not kill. I must not have rage in my heart. I must be free.
(I would like to add here that I know plenty of Muslim people that are happy and peaceful and educated and giving and accepting)
If God is Good and God is Love then what would his Law be?
I am utterly confused and overwhelmed by the caos of hate witnessing against itself
Dasani- I hope everyone actually knows that this "water" includes sodium... what a joke! doesn't that defeat the purpose of water itself.
Diet Coke/Diet Pepsi- OK so nooo offense here... but from my little experience on the earth- i have found a way too tight correlation between people that are obese and people that are addicted to one of these products. i am telling you there is something wrong with this stuff. Just today i was cleaning out a suite of 2 very young and very unhealthy people who had in the past week scarfed down over 20 cans of the stuff.
yesterday i saw a robin and a fly
today i see a lot of brown grass
is this for real?
if you have never lived in a cold climate like Canada
you have no idea what the beginning of spring is like
it's dreamy wonderbliss
do not attempt this act on deerfoot trail
i once had to learn this the hard way
i am saving you the pain of a rock in the eye
just say no
i just can't do as much
daughter- "mom, your getting fat"
me- "yes, darling- that's because their is a baby growing inside of me"
daughter- "wow- we are going to need 2 toothbrushes"
me- "yes- you are right"
so that's the latest folks
i was sort of dreading telling people
in fear that every one would think i had lost my marbles
considering that rather fluctuate nature of my family thus far
but so far 90% of the people i have told have been really really nice and happy and encouraging.
so actually, i just want to thank you for being kind and encouraging
because one thing that is really difficult is being in a situation like mine
and feeling/knowing all of your support group thinks you are wayy offf base..
that would suck right now.
i also wanted to let the cat out of the bag because I am getting fat. and I will get fatter
and it is really hard on ones self esteem when one gets fat. but it is especially difficult when people assume it is because you had too many brownies.
and i have had too many brownies. why? because i am hungry. and for all those people who don't get fat when they are pregnant.
i salute you. i am happy for you. to not have to deal with the extra pounds post baby.
my pregnancy hunger is no joke and the only remedy is food.
one thing that is really challenging is when ones body changes.. like weight loss or gain. all of a sudden your wardrobe becomes a stranger. that can be difficult. or if the season changes really fast like it did this fall. like summer/winter... you start looking for whoolies and you don't even know where they are in your closet. i also find jackets difficult. i personally disdain heavy covers- i think they make my back sore. but what do you do in the winter? i really don't like staticy(is that a word) jackets. i also really have a problem when people wear a short jacket over a long sweater... what are they sappose to do.. go and get a new jacket for every sweater they have? i know it's silly. it just doesn't seem right in my mind. anyway.
forward march in the style battles ladies! :)
i'm thinking of you
this is how cheap i am
i am so cheap
that i wear denim long jean shorts in the winter with leg warmers
instead of buying new jeans
nice one self
way to be cheap
i am feeling like my last post was not clear.
because what I know is even if you are not right now on a pathway of need, you probably at one point will discover that path- thats all i wanted to add.
i just sent a really strong email in return to a strong email.
i wanted to say thanks for my nice birthday.
what do you feel inside?
why do you come to bible study and church
she asked because
all she knew is that she felt happy
and well, I was sort of aghast.
not that I think it is wrong to feel happy
I think that is great
that you know that going and partaking of this fellowship makes you happy
and that's good enough for you.
but I was like
um.- I feel a desperate fear of losing vision tomorrow and so I cleave today
and I think she thought that I was crazy
what I really wanted to say
I feel a desperate need to know the Holy Spirit, to hear the voice to me, to learn in fellowship, to gain peace and comfort and strength because we never know what is on the horizon. I fear God.
that is what I wished I said.
but my real thoughts on this topic are
do some people not feel their need?
and if they don't feel their need
isn't that dangerous?
Wasn't Jesus and God(in the OT) always seeking only those who were broken and contrite in themselves, and who felt their need. Weren't they always interested in the beggers. not those who are whole, but those who are sick?
Truly I am not trying to sound high and mighty here folks, I just don't get how any human person does not feel a desperate need to be close to God. don't people fear? don't people want peace? don't people pray? are people not aware of their sin? do people really feel sufficient in themselves?
truth is- i don't care what good thing brings you to want to read and pray and have fellowship- but the road I have always walked is the road of Need.
Self sufficient I am not.
what was your school like? elementary? highschool?
i'll be honest, i am terrified about putting my kid in public school
that's right-i'm one of those
when school started i went to the inner city public school and continued until graduation
i don't have many memories of wee early childhood
but i have a lot of bad ones from school
i can specifically recount times in the early grades
that make me sick
bad teachers, older bullies, friend gang drama, even "Molester games"(i will not even explain- it so wrong)
there were good teachers and good friends too,
but there is something about being a wee child and having bad, scary experiences
that maybe they are hard to let go of.
my junior high was so-so.. fights, parties, coolio contests, ups and downs
high school was the worst
from my perspective it was fine, i was having fun, doing what i wanted
basically me and all my friends smoke and drank at nauseum(sp?) all through highschool
I got in many a bad relationship, but especially topped it off
with dating The BadAss. this guy never even went to our school, just came to beat people up and sell some drugs. I really liked him.(this is no joke- this guy had just gotten out of jail for attempted murder)
anyway, suffice to say the relationship was pretty rocky, and overwhelming, and with the way I was treating myself and health at that time in my life- eventually it did lead to disaster- which actually thankfully led me back to God.
But, please help me Heaven- I don't want this happening to my daughter...
The end started at the beginning
this i know
there must be a better way
I feel like my Education had way too much to do with Survival and Anarchy
than being a kid, and learning, and feeling safe
there must be a better way
march forth is my birthday. i will be 33. i was reading about how botox gets rid of depression. there is a spy being held in pakistan. my new live-in thing is working out really nicely in case you all are wondering. sometimes in the middle of the night i think about blogging about this and that, and then in the morning its worn off. my grandma is ill and well, all grandmas eventually die. and so it is very real to see someone getting older and know that that may be me one day too. has any one tried the iced hot chocolate from secound cup? unbelievable. fantastic'! seek and ye shall find. don't seek and you will not find, and you will still be held accountable for what you did not try to know. scary stuff.
so i'm not gonna pretend i know you
but i do know what it's like to be human
strangely, i admire your guts
simply, i hope for your future
"Everybody is shouting for one thing. It is a time for the whole system to just collapse and bring in new people, a new regime," he said. "They don't believe that the government is enough. They want the parliament to be gone, they want free elections and they want the president definitely to resign."
i will receive
a fabulous homemade cake
for her birthday
also known as husband
could be interesting
no not me
i've got lots of homework
and no idea how to get on top of it
i'm not the one to accuse and condemn
that's not my job
no not me
i'm praying for peace
and light and love
i'm praying for forgiveness and power above
i'm dog gone tired and up to my knees
in bountiful expose'
return me the favour of knowing when to Let Be
return me the favour of knowing what is Sacred and not yours to touch
return me the favour of leaving well enough alone
the love and respect
i have given your vows
return me the soft approach
me and my husband
which is so far a lot more fun than actually being married
does anyone on the bus actually wear a seatbelt?
can the fumes from that 1971 orange beast get any worse?
I am sure they are breaking some sort of pollution law
can't anyone come up with a better way to transport children?
wasn't every single one of your bus drivers when you were a kid
the most dicey, dodgy, dude around?
i would run off the school bus