i've always valued honesty
honesty in myself
honesty in others
even Jesus said that if a heart was not honest, that nothing good could grow in it

but lately I realized that honesty is actually complex
it is not the simple act of stating what is on your mind
that is a form of honesty
but not the highest form

God has told us that all liars will be cast into you-know-where
and so- we must not lie
but the scriptures also encourage that we would not be tale-bearers or repeaters of things
I have often justified myself by honesty
I have said a rude comment or mean comment and thought
well, I am just being honest
or I have repeated something questionable, and then
comforted myself in the honest clause.

but I had the sickest thought last night
that even Hitler was honest
he was doing what was in his heart
what he thought was right
he was being true to himself
and so I think of others clearly living in a dark way
that are also just being honest... just being true to themselves

and I realize that being honest to ones self is not the stairway to heaven

true honesty is deeper
it is in honestly looking at ones self- within ones self
it is realizing ones smallness, ones sin, ones imperfection
ones need for Christ.
that is true honesty.

true honesty is looking into the face of God
and being beyond humbled
because we see our flesh,we hear our thoughts, we know our hearts
and realize that we are not pure
but He is.

true honesty is wanting to be as close to that source of power and light as possible
true honesty is fearing death
needing a Savior
seeking Him
cleaving to Him
reading his Word
with hunger
for salvation

true honesty doesn't hold a morsel of pride
or a morsel of accusation to another

I am in desperate need for more honesty in myself

I always love what Dennis said that-
our only righteousness in in Christ, and thus we strive to live honestly..
so honesty goes further
that we would be true to Christ
we see that even giving our entire being and thoughts and life to Christ and seeking to live according to his Word

is just the least we can do
it isn't much

who are we kidding?
do we really want to meet God without having lived honestly?

get help

alcoholism is a disease

tis the season

speaking of the heavenly

if we from our hearts do not forgive everyone that is indebted to us- we cannot be forgiven

this is great- so true

a brain changer

read the book

if the world was a village

a little poem from my mom for Uncle Gordon


yes- this is my living room

yes this is a very large plastic outdoor play house. yes, it is here to stay...
yes, it's a little out of hand

K- Peeps

i just got the nicest little message from someone who has been reading my blog...
thank you

the shadow women

maybe you have seen these women
well, maybe you can't tell if they are women
they look like walking shadows
tip to toe to top
black blanket outfit

I put myself behind the sheet
and wonder what it feels like
to be a shadow
maybe liberating? maybe depressing?
maybe empty

how can an outfit like that be good for mental health?
lurking in the shadows...
the only time it seems like a good idea
is in -40C
the rest of the time
seeing those shadows
is confirmation
that their is something very very wrong going on

the God I know made daisies, and green grass, and blue birds
the God I know makes rainbows - red orange yellow green blue purple
the God I know made women and men different absolutely
the God I know loves women and men
the God I know has never taught me to be ashamed for shames sake
the God I know has taught me to be modest- yes.

but, never has God taught me to be a shadow in the dark
to be faceless and nameless and footless and headless
stark hiding 4th class citizen

big girls do cry

can everyone please stop telling their 2ish year old girls the ridiculous notion that
"big girls don't cry"
yes they do
i don't even know what a "big girl" is..
isn't a big girl a woman?
and don't women cry?
don't all human species have the capacity to feel and exhibit the whole range of human emotions
except maybe autistics, and narcissists?

you know me

the best thing about blogs is that we actually get to make up our own rules
i am taking a hiatus.. don't visit anymore
maybe next year I'll come back
the work of righteousness is peace
and the effect of righteousness-
quietness and assurance forever
this is drama
sometimes the most
honest, authentic, brave thing that we can say
i don't know

the other problem

the other problem with blogging is that I only can do it while I am at work, and I feel sort of bad about that because I am getting paid right now...
i am a serious person
which is why I am having a hard time blogging
because really I want to blog about serious things
but, I think sometimes serious things scare people
I can't tell you about this week
about the woman
or the man
or the money thing or the childcare thing

I can't tell you about my concern about false doctrine
I can't tell you about my fear over your lost soul
i don't want to bring up the story about the person who dropped their baby off in the dumpster
i don't want to share that burden with you

but, as you can see
i can't help myself
i can't help but be constantly burdened and enlightened with thoughts about yours and my spiritual welfare

I don't understand how you cannot pray at a time like this
i don't understand why you are not actively trying to have a relationship with God

I don't understand how you think that you are in control

I am so surprised at how easily you have left
(beware reader, if you think that you know who I am talking about, you likley do not)

I have to say life is interesting
I keep thinking about a year ago this month
a year ago I was in a state of surprising, overwhelming bliss and happiness
i had a fabulous job at a clay studio, my husband and I were getting along so fantastically, and I was really starting to feel at home in my home and with my child. I had just painted the wall a beloved shade of burnt orange. I even remember having a conversation with a great friend about how life was so good I was actually scared that something bad was going to happen...
funny that

and so we all know that something did happen and yes there was a fall from bliss... having said that, I really am even more grateful now seeing and knowing that God has kept me this year through circumstances unchosen..

so that's my wonderment for the day folks
so I was having this internal dialogue about mukluks
and how i really like them
but how they are almost too trendy
right now
sort of takes away the fun from buying them
and then I was going to get some other boots instead
but they weren't as fun and they were made in China (yes, I do actually care about that)
and then I went to this little store and found aqua mukluks
and I was like
how can I say no?
so yes, this winter
i will be again partaking in some overtly trendy attire
but simply,
I can't help myself
i have not had a coffee in a week
(this is btw a big deal)
i have learned this week
that the more I keep my mouth shut about stuff
the happier I am
truth is
i'm getting bored again with the blogging thing
i know i know
it ebbs and flows
but again
i am ready to throw in the towel

i'm letting them grow

that's right
no longer squinting into the mirror
to pluck that one new shiny curly white hair
because last time
i took out 5 good long brown happy hairs just to get the one
probably not worth it

so if you happen to notice my new aging hairs
please note
i too have noticed them
but i no longer am fighting the power

beary nice

RCMP responded to a break and enter Monday at the Petro Canada in Radium Hot Springs, B.C. Police were shocked when a surveillance video revealed the suspect to be much furrier than expected.

The surveillance video shows a black bear charging into the store at around 4 a.m. Monday and walking up and down the aisles.

Petro Canada employee Lori Ellingboe told ctvbc.ca that she arrived with police at the scene to find significant damage to the storefront.

"The front door had been smashed and there was glass all over the place. We thought it was a robbery," she said.

Ellingboe said they were confused that the robber hadn't caused more damage to the store.

"Nothing was missing and nothing had been vandalized. But then we saw that it had gone to the bathroom -- left us a little gift," she said. "That was our first sign it was a bear."

bitterness cannot grow in a thank full heart

a little close for comfort

The Alberta Serious Incident Response Team is investigating a police-involved shooting.

ASIRT Executive Director Clifton Purvis tells CTV Calgary police shot a man twice at Edmonton Trail and Memorial Drive around 4:00 a.m. Wednesday.

The man is in hospital in non-life threatening condition.

More details are expected to be released later.

ASIRT is the provincial body that reviews incidents involving police officers.

you are not boring

i want you to know
that even if you appear boring
i know lurking beneath
is a truly fascinating creature
i know there is more to you than normalcy

I am finding that I cannot think of one boring person on the face of the earth
everyone is intricate and dynamic and oozing with individuality
in fact I dare say the "normal" ones actually end up being the most interesting
and sometimes odd

lately I find that I am rarely ever bored
even, each day is profoundly unique and special from the day before
new moments and lessons and struggles
new new new
arn't we glad for new days
isn't it cool that even just living on this planet
is actually
really interesting
the absolute miracle of existance itself
boggles mee mind
have you looked at a leaf latley?
have you sat by the river?

this is me not on drugs :)
having said that
here are somethings
that I don't think are funny

misbehaved disrespectful children
dirty bathrooms
bad drivers
smokers- and all other substance abusers
abusive controlling people
child birth
romance novels

a Case for the Sillies

once again a tangent

a Case for the Sillies

I think life is serious

sometimes down right intense

but because of this life philosophy

I then believe one should seek out opportunities

for un seriousness

for silliness

I always marvel at church

when the preacher says something funny (which he does all the time)

that i feel I am the only one who laughs out loud

arn't we all just needing something to giggle about

somewhere between the depths of hell and anxiety over lost souls

there is a place for a sense of humour

God planned it so.

with all the sorrow and burden of this earth

isn't there a need to seek out silly

to laugh a little louder

to realize what is important

and what is simply not

I'm sort of the point where if it is not about Salvation then it should be fun

cooking should be fun
fashion should be fun
parenting should be fun
friendships should be really fun
saturdays should be beyond fun
and funny people should be laughed at

there it is
my morning rant
a Case for the Sillies

baby got back

please say i am not the only one who was in Grade 8 when this song was at it's peak
and no I have no class
sorry, it's been in my head today
it goes like this:

I like big butts and I cannot lie
you other brothers can't deny

I do know the entire song off by heart, though not sure if it is reader appropriate :)

I just remember how exciting it was when it came out
everyone was so proud of there booty
and so I wonder
will booties make a come back too?
I miss those days when a little bit of this and that was healthy and attractive
I miss the days when bootylicious Jenn Lopez came on the block.
I miss happy women
and so, as straight hair now finally goes out of style,
maybe too will androgynous uberskinny bodies
keepin my fingers crossed
then maybe I can be cool again
cause -
baby. got. back.

just say "NO" to bedbugs

this is no joke people

this is where i am at latley..

perfect ness

i know this image means a lot to some
and nothing to others
and mostly it reminds us of 1993
and all those tacky trends

but latley it comes up in my mind

everything all bottled up into a perfect symbol

big girl panties

love this saying
like my auntie said the other day
"I'll just have to put on my big girl panties and deal with it"

but today i am thinking of another true favorite
"don't get your knickers in a knot"

there is a true disease of tight knickers going on in society
tight knickers
winding people up too much
in a hurry
always my way or the highway
neurotic tendencies and OCD about the feeblest of matters
micromanaged lives down to every little choice and decision
if someone is on the left of us- they are too far left
if someone is on the right of us- they are too far right
if someone is ahead of us- they are too fast
and behind- too slow
worries about hair do's and toe nails
decisions over this tomato or that one

I am probably wearing the tightest knickers on the face of the earth
(next to a few close family members)
can I change my undies in somewhere?
is there a Knicker Exchange Station
so I could find some less bothersome undies?
what if we all changed our tighties in for some loose goose cotton boxers?
Would there? Could there then be peace on earth?
I'm gonna try it out
Maybe then I will wonder less about stupid things and small decisions
and be a more flexible loving person...

this is reminding me of a quote I read somewhere

"Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people."


Tetrus(was that what it was called?)
the only Nintendo -the only computer game I have ever liked
I love to make things fit

my daughter too is
addicted to this
she is a puzzle fanatic
puzzle after puzzle
that's all she wants to do

Oh the sweet reward of a completed puzzle!
everything fits perfectly!
everything is in it's right place!

if only life was a puzzle- with all the peices in the box

all the leopard print in the stores

i can't be the only one trying to hold back my Inner Diva
this stuff makes me crazy with DEELIGHT!
but how do I work it in with my divaless lifestyle?

pretty pretty princess is a full time job

today i did my hair
i washed it, dried it, and put some gross product into it
and taadaa
it took a half hour of total attention (maybe more like an hour)
in which i ignored my child and all other distractions
the result is not really worth talking about
and so why o why?
i already have a few full time jobs
and not sure I've got room for another

awake arise

hello fellow human creatures
what are you doing right now?
blathering blogging wanting monotoning?

the night is far spent
the day is at hand

love you long time
miss you sunrise
warm tea day break
misty morning way

rainy cold days when one expects sunny warm ones

is natures way of making sure that you and I know that it owes us nothing,
that we are not the boss

blog matters

"it's all down hill from here"
I can remember saying so many times in my early twenty somethings while looking in the mirror
a little joke of truth between me and a friend
because we sort of new

genesis 1

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth

from one verse we learn there is a God, that he is a creator, that he created everything that we know or understand to be our world and environment, including ourselves. There is nothing made that was not made by him; he is in control. He is living. there is an earth and there is a heaven.

another heart

enough said


my mom is 60
she has a heart condition (a few)
and an ear condition
and a major shopping condiction (mind the twerd)
for a person who is actually unemployed
(she babysits for me for free)

So to compensate for the fact that she cannot actually afford to shop everyday at expensive stores or even regular stores, my mother has become a bottom feeder
meaning garage sales and charity stores
her favorite being WINS: Women In Need Society
this is where she can shop everyday and bring home bag loads
and only spend $20 bucks
I say it's
Women In Need of some Entertainment
Women In Need of a Cause
Women In Need of a sweet deal

the crazy part of all this is how many super items she finds
here are a few in the past month:
Holt Renfrew Sweater
Prada Bag
Kenneth Cole shoes
Zara shirt for me
Peruvian jacket
Ralph Lauren skirt
no joke
average cost 5 bucks

and since everything I own was given to me from someone else
I too appreciate the bottom feeding going on

the twerd

my sense of humour includes deep dark sarcasm
and also heavy on the childish
one of my absolute favorite things is the Twerd
a word that explains itself (from sharmi)
a Twerd is a Word made from Two other Words that explains them together
.... my daughter too appreciates these I think as here are her latest Twerds


smart kid I say

speaking of Jumpolines
we are now the proud owners of a Trampoline in our bedroom.
for you who don't know my details
that means that me and my daughter in our
bedroom apartment
who share a mattress in the bedroom and have
a tent
in there and the
wardrobes of 2 females

in one room, now also have somehow fit a
5ft round trampoline in there as well.

I am realizing that I better post photos soon
i think that jumping is good
and I know that all sounds a little bit much

a couple strings does not a blankie make

i am a prairie chicken. or a robin. I come from a long line of the likes.

my daughter also fancies herself a birdie.
have any of you noticed that there are no bird songs?
but everyday my daughter begs me sing her a bird song
so i made one up
something very simple and not to be proud of
sort of goes to the tune of I'm a little teapot (a personal fave)

your my little birdie
tweet tweet tweet
singing in the nest
lookin so sweet
waiting for your moma to get you something to eat
your my little birdie
tweet tweet tweet
(other variations include)
learning how to fly
you've got pretty eyes

so if you need a birdie jingle there you go
a pumpkin does not grow in a day


minding my own business


lets admit
there is something in the air
that is truly turning us all into
yes squirrels.
gathering nuts
everyone i know is
organizing, rearranging, purging, and shopping
i cannot help but think about shopping myself
i am a squirrel
winter is coming
i will store it all away
and live on it through out the winter
mocs, frocs, and tops
frocs, mocs, tops
tops frocs mocs
small minded squirrels are having a great time :)

i think it would be so cool

can't say it
don't want to jinx it

she ain't pretty, she just looks that way

thank you for Sunday

i like the guttergang
belt buckle
just wish i new what it meant

pure bliss

today at
lazy loaf
their cin buns were missing the icing
so i asked politely for some
and they gave me some
all right
1/2 a pound on the side
to dip the sweet bun into
yes it was
pure bliss

so long summa

allow me to edit and further explain this shot
as one who never displays red toe nails in public
when winter comes and toes are covered
one can enjoy the secret party going on underneath ones socks
and no one has to know :)
the last 2 days have been oddly cosmic

as per the emergency phone call from anthropologie

but some how
I feel less guilty about coveting something that costs 2$ at the farmers market
that Prada bag
or something that is my neighbours

somehow those vintage mocassins and bag

seem justifiable

compared to the Maserati

but we do need clothes right?



not sure where I am going with this,

I am trying to rid myself of shopping guilt

we all know the verse-
contentment with Godliness is great gain
or the other
I have learned in whatsoever state I am there with to be content-
( i think that is how they go)
and so
we were talking
well actually you were telling me
something that you have learned that
the opposite of contentment
is covetousness
the ugly "C" word
a word I know well
a feeling I know well
in fact- today I could probably report feeling that way so far about 25 times
it is ugly
and so am I am working on this little big ugly thing

Thou shall not covet


A pair of protective parents have halted mail delivery in a southwest neighbourhood.
While some residents have welcomed the Swainson's hawks that have nested in a tree in Bayview for at least two summers, the birds' instinct to guard their young forced Canada Post to pull the plug after a letter carrier was struck by a dive-bombing raptor.
"Unfortunately, wildlife isn't always sociable," said Canada Post spokeswoman Teresa Williams.
The letter carrier continued delivering the mail after the hawk began to bother her back in June, eventually resorting to wearing a helmet.
Then, "it attacked with such force, it broke her bicycle helmet," Williams said.
Mail delivery was suspended two weeks ago to 150 customers, and will resume when the hawks start their winter migration. Fish and Wildlife officer Ed Pirogowicz said typically the hawks would already be en route to Argentina at this point. But cold, wet weather has delayed things this year.
"They're probably anxious to get going," he said.
Hawks are quick to protect their young, particularly as they make their first attempts to fly.
"They like to attack from behind. The intent is to scare you from the nesting area," Pirogowicz said.
Residents said they have watched the birds swooping low, but only the letter carrier appears to have been attacked.
Bayview resident Maria Kipp has had a perfect view of the hawk family for the past two summers as they nested in a tree across the street. She said they have felt privileged to have the hawks so close.
"We're blessed by it," she said. "The neighbourhood in general is quite thrilled."
From her home office, Kathryn Chan would watch them come and go, the adults bearing food in their beaks for the young. "I enjoyed it but I feel bad for (the carrier) and the 150 homes (not getting mail)," she said. Read more: http://www.calgaryherald.com/Dive+bombing+hawk+attacks+stop+mail+delivery+Calgary+neighbourhood/3476449/story.html#ixzz0yanzZsDO

the best kind of holiday

is when boredom sets in and you actually want to work

my favorite time of year

i know i knoe

i just bought 14litres


i thought the orb thing was cool

i think that the idea of Celebrating the River Bow
is fantastic-: go and see

K- i know this is going to seem a little odd..
but check this out..
just so you know that I am truly a romantic
these are 3 strange little hearts that I have found in the last month
the first is 2 seeds on my toast
the 2nd is a receipt where the numbers intersected to create the perfect heart
and the last, who knows? maybe a dead moth
i have a hankering for little hearts made out of cosmic odds
i think they are cute

o can i please

Just so you all know
I spoke to the Lone Ranger
and he is not at all offended
by my blog or opinions
in fact
he asked me nicely
if i wanted to be his

gorging on goodness

admit it
you're a simple creature like me
spend your summer time
trying to decide just which fruit is
your absolute favorite

grapes are nice and small and fresh and round and high in antioxidants
red are way better than green
blueberries- such a sweet, easy to gobble -ultra healthy berry
cherries- don't we just swoon for a ripe cherry- delish!
watermelon- loove water melon- i could eat the whole thing myself
raspberries- great when perfect... not so great when past prime
black berries- good texture- not too sweet though
a ripe nectarine- Oh sweetness of goodness of the earthly Universe
the peach- give me peaches and ice cream please

so much to discover and discuss
so what shall it be
i'm sorry- but really there is not competition
have any of you had a saskatoon berry?
i swear I just had my first one last week
and I am sold forever
I have been craving them ever since
I even went and picked some on my tiptoes
tomorrow me and the Hutterites will meet at the Farmers Market
and I will pay them whatever they want for these perfect specimens
The most delightful, formidable, satisfying fruit to walk my tongue
the sweet sweet

Be Mine
CHRISTINA LAKE, B.C. — If you go down to the grow-op today, you're in for a big surprise.
Mounties raiding a marijuana-growing site recently in British Columbia stumbled upon some unexpected and burly security guards: 10 black bears.
RCMP arrived on a rural property near Christina Lake, in the West Kootenays, about 2 1/2 weeks ago to find the surprise welcoming committee.
"They weren't aggressive. They're wandering all throughout the grow-op area," said Sgt. Fred Mansveld.
"One of them hopped on the hood of the police car and sat there."
Police notified conservation officers and even posed for some photos near the animals.
RCMP speculated in a news release that the owners "either enjoyed wildlife up real close, or were purposefully using bears to protect their property and grow-op."
It appears the woman living there had been feeding the bears dog food, police said, but those weren't the only animals officers found.
They searched a nearby home and "came upon a pig roaming around the house and disrupted a raccoon from his afternoon nap in one of the bedrooms," the release said. "The pig was a little frantic at the sight of police, but the raccoon was pretty laid back about the bust and took it all in stride."
The two plots had more than 1,000 marijuana plants each, police said.
Two people in their 40s from Christina Lake have been arrested and are expected to face charges of production and possession of a controlled substance, police said.
Grand Forks Mayor Brian Taylor said a woman named Kate lives on the property and has been feeding all kind of animals who pass through for the past 20 years.
"Basically, her home is their home," he said. "The rumours are that (the bears) come in and lounge on her couch and watch TV and they're part of the family."
Dave Webster, a local conservation officer, said staff are going to give the bears the chance to move on and find a natural food source. Conservation officers are hopeful the bears won't find their way to other residences.
"This property is known to us, (with) feeding issues in the past," Webster said.Read more: http://www.edmontonjournal.com/news/story.html?id=3414910#ixzz0xBwnyMDL
is the little crooked picture in the background of my blog bothering anyone else?

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers

sorry about the turn down country lane today folks
can't help myself
it's all the rage
every store, every runway
even the braid is being worn by all types latley
cowboy boots on all short skirted dolls
it's fun

i can't help but wonder if we should all quit our downtown jobs and buy a farm
I could wear denim all the time and no one would wonder why I wasn't wearing make-up

there is something to be said for all the whiny country music playing on the radio
it's sort of nostalgic and beautiful

I need a dog, a pony, a live-in husband, a truck, and a few more kids
tada! country livin'
I would also need a maid, a nanny, a handyman, a cook, a slave, and some really great friends next door.. also, Starbucks, wireless, i-phone 4, hmmmm- mosquito repellent for sure

somehow I don't think this little fantasy is going to turn out:)

Hey Good Looking- what you got cookin?


Mama's don't let your babies grow up to be Cowboys-

we all like a good cowboy don't we?
plaid shirt, worn out boots, hard worker- fixes fences, rides horses, muscle and bronze whatever
but the Cowboy we don't need more of
is the Lone Ranger
we don't need more
Lone Rangers
Run away
Do whatever you want
when you want
supplying only the needs of ones self
and thereby
forsaking all other moral natural spiritual
obligations and commitments to others

Not so cool
is this Cowboy
I say
trade your boots in and get some loafers
if that's the only way

at one with nature

BOSTON — The doctor confirmed the good news for Ron Sveden once the mass in his left lung came back from the lab: He didn't have cancer. He had a pea sprouting inside his chest.
"A couple days in a dark, wet environment, I'd sprout too," Dr. Jeff Spillane said Thursday. "It definitely had a sprout."
It was a long way from the diagnosis Sveden, 75, had feared when he arrived at Cape Cod Hospital on Memorial Day weekend.
The former teacher, who also had spent years running a retail fish market and smokehouse, had seen his already-frail health begin to falter further in prior months. He already knew he had emphysema but lately was having bad coughing spells.
"Everything seemed to be going downhill," said Sveden, of Brewster. "I seemed to be tired a lot more. I didn't want to do too much. My appetite was diminishing."
The news sounded even more dire when he was told at the hospital that he was dehydrated and suffering from pneumonia. Then came X-rays showing a small but ominous dark spot -- then biopsies that came up negaive for lung cancer.
His doctors decided their only option was to go inside and see for themselves.
"There was a lot of inflammation there and I thought, OK, there's a tumour at the bottom of this," said Spillane, who went in with a scope.
But the more Spillane probed at the encrusted mass, the clearer it became that it was no tumour.
"It was pretty grungy, but it looked like a pea," Spillane said. "I sent it to the pathologist. They said it was a vegetable."
It took less than half an hour to clear away the sprout, drain some of the fluid that had built up around it, and help restore the lung's capacity.
After his surgery in June, Sveden spent three weeks in the hospital and a week in rehab. He said he feels fine now and is still amazed by that something as small as a pea could create such a big health headache.
Sveden's pulmonologist, Dr. Scott Slater, who first determined that there was something wrong and called in Spillane, said it's not unusual for a patient to accidentally inhale a small object.
"The typical story would be maybe someone's at a picnic and someone tells a joke and they laugh and they choke on something and then, voila, we find foreign bodies in the airways," he said. "But it's a little unusual to have aspirated on something and not know it."
It's not the first story about a seed sprouting in a lung, though experts declared that report implausible.
In 2009, a Russian surgeon said he found a tiny fir tree in someone's lung and suggested the patient could have inhaled a seed. Experts said at the time that a fir seed could not germinate in the lung because it needs sunlight.
The pea that Spillane removed from Sveden's lungs had apparently germinated. An expert conceded it was not out of the question for growth to continue inside his chest -- but only if the pea wasn't pasteurized.
"Any pea that didn't go through that process, I suppose it could be possible," said David Fiske, a horticulaturalist and gardens curator at the Massachusetts Horicultural Society.
In Sveden's case, its presence caused a massive inflammation and the encrusted mass in his airways. But it's better than the alternative, doctors said.
"It's given him a whole new lease on life," Slater said. "He went from someone who probably had advanced lung cancer to someone that's no sicker than someone else his age."

poker faced

how do we know when to hold em
when to fold em
when to walk away
and when to run

good grief
if I could figure all that out
I would be doing more than playing poker

um. microscopic blunders

when you see the really small things
the furthest star or the tiniest snowflake
the iddy biddiest wings of a strange little bug
when the cosmos are clearly beyond our wildest comprehensions
when bomb-blast clouds makes us realize maybe for one tenth of a secound that
we human creatures are so small
smaller than we think we are
smaller than we can possibly imagine
smaller than dust of dust
and yet
cataclysmicly ornate and detailed
how can these things be?
moments when it is almost like you can see things down to the molecular level
the cells, mitochondria
moments when really we know for sure that it is a pure miracle
that we breathe
and see
moments when we behold the perfect artistic architecture of the the human form
when all the birds and undiscovered fish in the ocean add up to a whole lot of stuff that we know nothing about
i hereby admit and confess with every ounce of what I understand to be MySelf
that i know very very little
I know when I am hungry and when I am sad
but when it comes to science and economics and politics and creation itself
I stand and fall a fool
the one thing I try to learn more of
the one thing that I think actually matters
is to know God
and yet even that
even that honestly is such a mystery to me
I try and beg and hope and believe
but really i barely grasp
i don't know how i ended up on this planet
sometimes I am unsure what to do on this planet
i don't even know when I am going to leave this planet
I am a creature who wonders a lot.
Sometimes I know the Spirit
for sure
Sometimes I know the Son
but really moments of truth and realization and revelation are often quickly
dissolved by a struggle of confusion and burden and selfishness
and so it onward goes
to discovery
not in vain
though I am a wretch and poor and blind and naked
though I wrestle with ugly cruel beasts of human nature and dark bits from the other side

it onward goes

may my iddy biddy self continue to wonder
till wonderment becomes
sure pleasantness and peace

ok- adapting my Boundary Breaker Manifesto

here's the thing
there must be a happy medium
because I just got to thinking about the other side of this
the Too Many Boundary Types
that's the worst too
People that are soo sensitive and soo touchy and have sooo many boundaries
it's just like walking on egg shells, and you always feel like you say the wrong thing at the wrong time in the wrong way and they are soo easy to offend.. that is no fun either
sometimes maybe boundaries need to be broken
maybe sometimes it is good to reach past or break open
or dive in
to unchartered previously bounded territory
sometimes it's good to chill out and waffle
a bit
the journey is not about travelling to distant places
it is simply about having new eyes

boundary breakers

i am all for breaking boundaries
going 55 in a 50 zone
or eating too much chocolate
or laughing too loud
but not so much am I a supporter of

The Boundary Breaker
that includes
phone calls at 7am or 10pm (we are sleeping)

The Boundary Breakers that wants
connections and communications with others that should not be
your exes that are now married
Heloo people
Leave those married people alone and let them stay married
Do not mangle and morph your way into their lives via text or drop-ins or drive-bys

Boundary Breakers
that wear sexy questionable attire to a funeral
not cool

Boundary Breakers
that tell me explicit undercover questionable information about someone elses secret life. Please do not tell me about these people- just leave out the name. I don't want to know.

Boundary Breakers that want all their relationships to be personal even when they should just be professional. What ever happened to just going to work?

Boundary Breakers that think it is their job to discipline and teach everyone everything all the time.

Sometimes we don't know what the boundaries are.. this can be confusing and then we break a boundary by accident- i do this all the time... I actually am really bad at breaking boundaries mostly because I am self absorbed... but these are a few Universal Boundaries-- don't you think?
this time it was a black tulip
and I seriously hope that it means nothing

ruch mush?

ruch mush rusch mush

rushing does not make me happy
or faster
rushing makes me angry and irritated
rushing is something i want to do away with
i am sorry that you are not happy


pick a name any name

just not mine
or my daughters

isms from M

other then the really good stuff
there is this other stuff like
waiting for the cows to come home
and not knowing if we were Arthur or Martha
that stuff is good memories
when you said that he was dropping off a package, i didn't think that it would "meow"
i am 32 and just discovered why bananas don't go in the fridge

does everyone know that I am the luckiest creature on this planet?

is it because of my job or my marriage or my shoes?
I get to go to the most special place on earth this weekend.
I get peace.

identity crisis much?

so when I wrote and gave you a free ticket
I was trying to simply do this
to let you know
whoever you are
that you are allowed to change
if you want
at least you are allowed to try
i am pretending that there is someone out there
who needs someone to say to them
it's ok- you are allowed to throw in the towel
and rearrange and realign and regain.
you no longer have to be what you have been.
you can quit smoking quit drinking with help
seek therapy- alternative or not
you can go back to school
you can get a new hair-do
and wear yellow
you can diet or never diet again
you can blog or not
buy an I-phone or not
you can sell your house
sell your pointy shoes
buy Birkenstocks or not
start baking or stop baking all together
visit the Taj or Empire State
or grow a garden in your own backyard
who cares?
I think change can be fantastic
or tragic
but what i am talking about right now
is the good kind
the refreshing kind
the surprising conversion of Saul
or the merriment of recovery of a poor marriage
or the blessed growth of a mother-daughter relationship
born again friends
make overs and spa days
Just Do It by Nike
and all other positive commercial slogans that actually make you want
to sprout wings and dance into something interesting for once
goodness me

needless identity bondage never did anyone any good


is what I am
I am here to scare the crows away

re: best day

why i ask?
because - not sure if I have had a best day
but i have surely had a best moment
and the reason I know that it was the best moment of my life
so far
is because of the little voice that said
"this is the best moment of your life"

it was early spring- also known as winter
and my daughter was a few months old
and I had a really difficult time with her beginning
and I was having a bath
and I remember my friend telling me about her baths that she had had with her babies
and I thought, I'll give it a whirl
and so I picked up my little wiggly bird of a baby
and she joined me cheek to cheek
and she was silent and so was I
the lights were off and the dim winter light shone through the high window in the bathroom on us
and we bonded
no doubt
I had never before felt so in Love
and so lucky and so warm and fuzzy
and I knew
no doubt
this was the best moment of my life
and it changed me
for good
I am really not trying to wax poetic on this subject, but I can't help myself
sometimes there are moments that are pure poetry
no doubt


Robin will be temporarily unavailable due to an oversight this AM

for you

a free ticket
what has been so far the best day of your life?

dollar store philosophies

i know some people like to shop at the dollar store
for obvious reasons
and so i don't want to offend anyone here
i never go to the dollar store- and today i decided to dip in
and honestly that place makes me feel dirty
is it because everything was made in a sweat shop in China?
is it because the halls are crammed with people buying stuff they don't need?
something about that place makes me want to take a shower
so I went to Starbucks and Indigo and felt refreshed
which is probably even more ignorant
Why does Starbucks and Indigo make me feel good about consumerism
and the dollar store makes me want to join GreenPeace?
which is the greater evil? is it Evil at all?

i'm not a sunny day girl

i'm not the one who detests winter
and glums through fall
i don't say life is good just cause it's sunny
nor do i usually want to curl up and cry like a baby during a rainy day
so far this has been a really great summer
yesterday at the wading pool was pure bliss
nothing is better than good friends and a kid whose having a great time
i got more sun yesterday than I have in a year- no doubt
and I thought
this is why people love summer
this is why people want to go on sunny vacations
lets do it again
summer in the city


the remains of the day
are making it clear
that only God knows
what you are
what you think
who you want to be

maybe To Be or Not To Be really is the question

I really don't care if you are fat or skinny
I really don't care if you have lost or gained
I don't think that you have less value as a human being if you are chunky
nor do I find you more righteous since you can fit into your skinny jeans
I don't care
I care about you
that person living and breathing underneath all that skin and bone
that person seeing and believing
I think that laziness and selfishness and sloth like overeating is probably ugly
but uglier still is a person so caught up in this Appearance Issue that there is nothing left
I might be the worst one
I know I have been the worst one
I know there have been times when all I was and thought about was what to wear and how to have frightening white teeth

I am sort of bored with that whole thing
I am sort of enjoying loose stretchy clothing
I am really enjoying my ice cream lately
and yes, indeed I have gained a few

ok - back on topic
my point is
I love you just the same.

so get over yourself
I am not the Parent Patrol Police
I am not perfect, I do not have a badge
I do not know all the rules or inforce them usually
But I am, I think a fairly normal decent human being
who thinks that other human beings should Parent their children
Parent meaning
consider basic safety of your children

this woman was letting her 2.5 year old shoe-less child wander the mall without her
and upon trying to help
the mother said
" why do you care"
and I was dumb founded

and i think
the minute a fellow human person does not care about an abandoned shoe-less 2.5 year old, then they have lost their soul
there are some strange occasions
when I am angry and let down
by people or peoples
and specifically those who I think
maybe are a few piles short of a load
or a few crayons missing from the box
however the saying goes
and i find it really hard to stay angry or blame
when I know that I might be dealing with
an unmighty vessel
and so I think

if I were you and you were me

today i am thinking
what if
what if you were her?
what if you were me?

what if I was him?


you are a peach
i miss your total complete uncynical being
Mrs February 14th
forget me nots
yes you
are you coming for a visit?

what i was told to remember during the architecture firm

the squeaky wheel gets the grease
the early bird gets the worm
when we ASSUME- you make an ASS out of U and ME


just confirming that you don't think that i was writing about you specifically
i was just discussing ideas/concepts and using the term "you"
to describe a general philosophy

latest 60 x 48

speaking of freedom- i read something cool yesterday- simply this

repeat after me
i am free

something to unlearn

someone close to me
who shall remain blameless and nameless
would tell me in my youth
to get angry
when i could not lift it or fix it or figure it out
i would hear the words
"get angry at it"
(probably some folksy old saying from their parents time)
but i have surely learned
that the more angry i become
the less capable i am
the more weary and confused.
when impatience and anger begin to strangle me
nothing good actually comes from it
usually just venom and smoke
so I need to unlearn that peice of the past
and be free

puppy kingdom

the day that O
told me how they viewed things
he told me that women were dogs
and white women even further down

but what i am fascinated by now is
how they view themselves.
If you were born by a dog
and you were nurtured and nourished by that dog
and you were loved and loved that dog more than anything else on earth
what does that make you?

talk about an insecurity complex

I see that if we love and honour our women and mothers
we are actually in turn loving and honouring ourselves
because every man was born from a women and loved her
in turn

something i really want to say- some how

I see you rising and pursuing and succeeding
i see you live like superman and wife
i see your honour and glory
and respect from others
and i am honestly truly purely
happy for you.
But I am not happy for you the way you think I should be.
I do not congratulate you for your right choices and perfect poise
I do not congratulate you because I think that your hand has led you to that place
I praise God because he has blessed you
I praise God because he has remembered you
you who are plagued with burden and sorrow
you who look broken and weary and divided
I do not blame you or accuse you for your foolish stupidity
your unhonourable undignified bad choices
because I do not believe that you are to be faulted for all and everything that is in your plate
I do absolutely believe that we all must try our best in this life
I do not believe that our best is the same
nor do I believe for one moment that life is fair.
I believe some people get more than their fair share of beats and sorrows
and often rise above with Grace
but some too
get many a heaping blessing
that is just that
it is a gift

one should probably not take credit for gifts from God

speech less

speak less
preach less

lately i think
maybe i should just shut my mouth
maybe i don't really want to be held accountable
for all the words and songs that spue from my mouth

i realize that
if i only said something nice
i might not have much to say

but if i stop speaking all together
i might just disappear
never never land

recently i read some of your shiny blogs
and i thought
this is not my game

but to avoid
becoming extinct
i feel i must blather on
you know your life is exciting when you view Time To Blog
as a reward

bulldog pitbulls

what is the difference between a pitbull and a bulldog?
there is a difference- some are wrinklier and shorter

here's the thing

once upon a time when i was like 26
i was working at Chintz and Co
and some demanding customer
didn't like me and described me as
" A pitbull with lipstick"
that really hurt my feelings
i didn't even wear lipstick
and was doing my best to not be pitbulllike

the last few days i have found myself saying
" I am not a bulldog" in reference to feeling like i am working like one
but today i did do exactly the work of a bulldog (i think)
and so, maybe i am a bulldog

which i guess, is better than a pitbull
with lipstick.

do pitbulls even wear lipstick?

Santy Aunty does it again

guess who peed in her potty!!!
I haven't even been working on it
I knew someone in grade 10 who told me he was going to take over the world. He told me that he would make sure to not kill me in this war, as long as I was willing to get a tatoo that said"

"Property of the Lizard King"

I thought that was fair
thanks :)

Mercy Clause

I am back on this topic
I spent the week despite the external chaos
thinking internally about Love
and what it is
I am not sure that I know really
maybe it is a vague thing
or maybe it is many things all under the same heading
I think that Love actually might be Mercy
I know that sometimes Love can be measured by action
but mostly I think not
I think we probably don't all love the same or feel the same or think the same about love
but the thing is- is that God is Love
so as I try and see with no eyes
and understand though I am a fool
I do want to know what Love is
so that I can maybe have and give more of it away.
Because I don't think that real Love is selfish or about desire or covetousness
I don't think real Love is about comfort and ease and bounty
So what is real Love?
I believe that Love and Peace go hand and hand
But what does that mean for me?
What does it mean if I actually probably spend more time judging and hating than loving and edifying? How does Jesus fit into all this? Jesus came to show us how to love. He said to love our enemies. What if sometimes I can barely tolerate my own family and "Loved Ones"? Where does this all leave me?
How do I change?
How do I Love more?
The only thing that I do know that is not really fun- is that often when I go through really difficult experiences, it does make me more compassionate to others- because I realize that I have no idea what other people are going through, no idea what bondage or tests or weariness another is actually going through- and so I learn to show some mercy.. so that's something- but sort of scary because who wants to suffer to learn how to love?
Can't I just Love by snapping my fingers? maybe you can..?

am I rambling? I'm rambling.
but maybe thats also the thing
Love goes in circles
we give love we get peace

This is for you-

Though I may never get the chance to be completely honest with you about all this garbage going on here- I am going to say something-

I can't send this to you in case of a terrible rebuttal and a repetition of getting the Hammer like yesterday- but maybe, just hear this:

Maybe there is someone close to you who is not telling you the truth about things, maybe you like them- even love them, respect them and need them. So, I am not suggesting that anything should be done about this deceit, except maybe just double check when you hear a story; maybe just ask the other person their version just in case there is some oversight.

You told me that you hate- Hate, and that is well and good,
and so I will tell you that I really have a distaste for Deceit.

I am so far from being perfect- but please don't think that you know the whole story just because you heard something from one source.

I have found more than one story to be inaccurate and false, more than one explanation wholly lacking. Be on Guard.

Respectfully Yours,

Love is Forgiveness

even for those who don't want it or ask for it
Have I mentioned that I have been sick?
Isn't there some sort of Mercy Law in this world that when someone
is truly ill that we just leave them alone
Should we maybe skip the kicking them while they are down thing?
this long weekend should have started long ago

an up date from un der

the pangs of sickness
and depths of dark
have reminded me
to speak less
to forgive more
life is way too short
to waste a day or even moments
on vengeance and wrath
i need every day
for the sake of the spiritual
i fear i am truly an empty vessel
i fear i am a vessel of dishonour
i know that not one ounce of what i have or am that is good or blessed
is from mine own hand
i hope that i am in the vine
that i will not be cast off
i am sorry often
because i see myself
from the shores of eternity
and have nothing to show
nor treasure to bear
for all the work and gifts that have been bestowed upon me
those who love the most understand the most

a personal fave

to the pure all things are pure

i'm just gonna say it

a thought that has been brewing and now full throttle
i just read an article titled "how you know you are a christian"
and in it it said that Jesus claimed to be God (those words)
this was written by an educated respected Christian in our present society

this is so un True that I actually feel ill right now as I write this

Jesus never ever once said that he was God
Jesus was not God
Jesus said over and over that he was the Son of God

there are times even in the scripture where a seperate voice from heaven spoke audibly and said " this is my beloved Son "

I am so honestly confused- why on earth do the majority of christians living on this planet believe that Jesus was God?

I am sorry if I am offending any one right now- I just don't get it-

and so, maybe you think tomaato-tomauto- but it's not that easy
this fundamental difference changes everything
everything from the top to the bottom
how you and I fit into this story
or don't
this week i was reminded that i am just a human
i bend and break
i get tired and i have limits
i grow weak and often fail
sometimes i get it all done and fix it all up and say the right thing or write the right thing
but mostly i am a hodge-podge of mediocrity
probably much like you.
i have scars and scabs and grey hairs
i have a double chin(i think) and too many moles
i often need forgiveness from others
for my short sighted ness
sometimes the f-bomb drops from my lips
sometimes pride and condemnation seeps from my eyeballs

basically a smoothie
lots of stuff blended
is there any one left on the planet that does not use microfibre cloths to clean?
is there anything on Gods green earth
quite so strange and deliberate
and striking
as a peacock?


is not a virus to me

it is the initials of my dearOne

and strangely,

also the initials of the person who made my ring

and so engraved on my ring

next to my skin

are the initials


and so I think and remember always

sometimes our vows are for something more

than ourselves

Hope ##### ######

Hope- because I knew I needed more hope in this life-

V#####- because of my husbands grandma and her example to him- her testimony of christianity

P#####- my great grandmother- the first on our tree to find and love and follow the gospel

so daughter Hope

we gave you your name

for more than names sake

because of our hope

that you would live like those you were named after

that you would always have hope in your heart- like a living trust in God

that you would be an influence like V#### for good

that you would be remembered like P#### for her sweet spirit and courage

you have a heritage

well worth living up to

a name to uphold

with joy

bless you my daughter Hope

bless your sweet little soul

ekklēsia), “‘congregation’”

From Latin congregātiō, from congregare "to herd together", itself from com- "together" + gregare "to collect into a flock, gather" (from grex "a flock, herd"); adopted c.1340 by the English Bible translator William Tyndale, to render the Greek (ekklesia) ('those called together, (popular) meeting'; hence Latin ecclesia 'church') in his New Testament, and preferred by 16th century Reformers instead of church

congregation (plural congregations)
A gathering of faithful in a Christian church, Jewish synagogue, mosque or other place of worship. It can also refer to the people who are present at a devotional service in the building, particularly in contrast to the pastor, minister, imam, rabbi etc. and/or choir, who may be seated apart from the general congregation or lead the service (notably in responsary form).
A Roman Congregation, a main department of the Vatican administration of the universal church
A corporate body whose members gather for worship, or the members of such a body.
Any large gathering of people
The collective noun for eagles.

dis big

sacred journey

fabulous store in inglewood
makes me want to cry
because people should spend their money there
instead of the Brick

why M day was a good day

because I forgot
because I had zero expectations
because of a nice call
some nice visits
and flowers from a sweet girlfriend

speaking of comments

I am sorry I am not good at commenting on your blog, the truth is, I rarely get the chance to read other peoples Blogs- and if I do I usually feel like I am in a rush and don't have the time... I know- bad excuse. Recently I read about some gay turtles, I thought that was pretty cool :)
ah Com'on- no comments on the Boob article- I thought that was unreal!

boobs matter

though I am not a fan of excess cleavage being shared, i find this present day article very stirring and interesting... it brings into question our ideas and our fear...arn't "boobs" actually for a purpose? Shouldn't a breastfeeding woman be allowed to breast feed in public? Should women be saving up thousands of dollars to perform questionable surgery on their breasts for the sake of Self-Esteem or also called Attention From Males. Should males blame woman for their personal desire? Should women dress scantily and still expect to be treated the same as the garbage man? Just think of all the opinions on boobs in the entire world, the laws about them, the power of them, the sheer ridiculousness that I am blogging about them, and so are jillions of people today thinking of them. Make no mistake, my personal opinions about women and their dress is pretty religious, ie. consider others, be modest, etc. I also firmly believe that we should not tempt God, and so I do not support this woman and her movement today, however she is proving a point- and sometimes I appreciate people in the world who have the brains and gumption to prove a point.

I found this article today:

Can cleavage make the earth shake? An Indiana student and tens of thousands of her supporters are planning to find out today, in an event meant to satirize controversial comments made in Iran.

The event has been dubbed "Boobquake" and is the brainchild of Purdue University student Jennifer McCreight. She's asking women around the world to show a little cleavage today, as a humorous test to disprove an Iranian cleric who said immodestly dressed women were responsible for recent earthquakes.

"At first, it started off a joke," McCreight told CTV's Canada AM via Skype from West Lafayette, Indiana.

"When I read what this cleric had said, I thought that it was pretty ridiculous and we could actually test it scientifically. So I suggested that we go ahead and do that. And I never thought it would take off like this."

The comments that incensed McCreight came from a prominent Iranian cleric.

"Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes," said Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi, Tehran's acting Friday prayer leader.

That prompted McCreight to post on her blog a week ago that she wanted to test that theory to see if cleavage really does possess seismic powers. She made a "modest proposal," asking other "female skeptics" to join her in showing a little cleavage today.

"With the power of our scandalous bodies combined, we should surely produce an earthquake. If not, I'm sure Sedighi can come up with a rational explanation for why the ground didn't rumble," she wrote on Apr. 19 on BlagHag.com.

Since posting the plea on Facebook, close to 200,000 people have confirmed they will participate in "Boobquake." She says she's even getting emails of support from Iran, where women are required by law to cover from head to toe.

McCreight also noted that she has received some negative response and heard from some who say she is objectifying women.

"What I say in response to that is people are doing this voluntarily," she said.

"I'm not forcing people to do it. If women want to dress that way, we have the right to do that. To say that some men might behave inappropriately, that we should be the ones to cover up, that just doesn't make sense to me."

McCreight says it's up to women how they want to take part in the event.

"I don't want people to force themselves to dress more immodestly than they feel comfortable," she said. "But if you want to wear a low-cut shirt or some shorts, whatever you like. And we're going to see if we actually cause more or more severe earthquakes today."

McCreight writes on her blog that she is not expecting a cessation of all seismic activity, noting that small earthquakes happen every day around the world. Iran is located on seismic fault lines and experiences at least one small earthquake every day, on average.

She also writes that she doesn't people to write in to with every bit of seismic activity they hear about around the world on Monday -- including one that struck off the southeast coast of Taiwan early Monday morning.

"No, the Taiwan earthquake is not statistically significant -- yet. If we get many of a similar magnitude in the next 24 hours, then we might start worshipping the power of immodesty," she wrote at 12:34 a.m. ET.

The United States Geological Survey may beg to differ with McCreight's assessment. They note that the strong quake had a magnitude of 6.9, though, because it occurred deep underground, it did not cause damage.

McCreight says she'll be compiling some statistics after the event.

"We're looking to see if Boobquake significantly increases the number or severity of earthquakes," she wrote.

"Or if an earthquake strikes West Lafayette, IN and only kills me, that may be good evidence of God's wrath as well – (I'm not too concerned.)"


pass the non drama over here please

This is what I was gonna say. etc. re. yadayada-

so we went on that walk
that sun shiny white sheet day
and your big boots and threaded hair
made me think you looked
half Rasta half Navajo

and you walked west away
in sublime wavering wondering
and I thought
there you are.
right there.

despite the obvious losses
something there in that moment
was found
clear and white and shiny as the day
pure and warm and honest and good
whole and nourishing
fresh breath beyond
where the past and future wondered too
what would be of you
and made a pact
to grow you up
a fruit full
spring with dew
new and cherry blossom
but always oak roots
always earth dirt
dragon tears green tea
thank fully all
journeying to dissolving
into betterment of
the high calling

the steal

when we like what someone else has and want it for ourselves
so we ask where they bought it and get it for ourselves

a touchy subject

yes, i admit sometimes when this happens to me (rarely) it irks me
but the other day when a girlfren asked me, I thought sure- go get it
who cares
it's just a skirt

and I am glad that I am getting over this Hoarding Mentality
because today
when I saw
The Coolest Ottoman on The Face of the Earth
at Rohini's
and wanted it
and asked
and went and bought it too

I was glad that she shared
and it didn't really feel like a steal

thank you friend for reminding me

that our greatest weakness is often our greatest strength

from light onto light

from candle flame to blazing fire
from morning star to glory sun
from glimse of vague horizon to
crisp clear day of light
forever on eternal gaze
the dark and starry night
is our portion
and part

from light on to light

the gay post

another topic of interest that i have been putting off

treading gently through the waters of culture and religion

Simply, I believe strongly that the vast majority of homosexuals did not choose it for themselves. I believe they were born that way. I know many who would choose to be heterosexual if they could.

Because of my obvious religious beliefs, I do not believe that homosexuals should be practicing their homosexual desires. I do believe that actively engaging in homosexual behavior and relationships is wrong.

However, I did watch Brokeback Mountain, and yes I cried my eyes out. I watched it with a gay male friend and we both cried and were speechless afterward. Some of the most interesting, rewarding, easy, and lovely friendships I have ever had have been with gay males. Gay males who are struggling not to be gay, gay males who love their gayness, and gay males who weren't yet honest about their desires. So, though I am clear about not supporting them in their active relationships, I fully embrace them as fellow humans who are equal deserving entities on our planet. I have zero homo-phobe. If any christian believes that they have a right to hate anyone for any reason then they are wrong. We do not love our flesh, our pride, our lusts, our sin; we love the human; the soul.

I agonize in sorrow mourning for those who live a life with the Burden of loving and lusting after that which is not right.

and so, I will attach below an article written by my cousin in Uganda

Sitting at a secluded table in a restaurant in Kampala, David Kato touches his shoulder to show where it was broken by a couple of off-duty police officers last year. As a gay man living in Uganda, Kato has been arrested three times and faced innumerable forms of harassment. But in the fight against the repressive anti-homosexuality bill now before the country’s parliament, he doesn’t mind having his picture taken or appearing on TV.

As the advocacy and litigation officer for Sexual Minorities Uganda, it’s not himself that Kato worries about most if the bill passes: it’s younger members of the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community. ‘I can’t run away and leave the people I am protecting. People might die, but me, I will be the last one to run out of here. I have to keep on documenting the havoc that the bill is going to cause.’

Kato is one of the activists leading the fight against the law condemned most recently by President Obama as odious and unjust. International pressure since the bill was tabled last October resulted in Uganda backing away from the law’s most draconian provision: the execution of some gays. However, it remains to be seen if the backlash will moderate it any further. Even without the death sentence, the bill still calls for life imprisonment for those who commit ‘the offence of homosexuality’ and goes so far as to criminalize a simple touch as an ‘attempt to commit’ homosexuality.

A long-time activist, Kato has earned the title ‘grandfather of the kuchus’ – as gay men in Kampala call themselves – for his work on behalf of people in the LGBT community. He has sheltered at least 20 people in his home; he has visited them in prison and worked for their release. But the bill would put an end to his work at a time when it has never been more necessary. The law brands advocacy a ‘promotional activity’ and subjects it to a prison term of up to seven years.

Kato fears that, if the bill is passed, homophobic violence and discrimination in Uganda will get exponentially worse. ‘There will be much violence, because people will know: even if we hit [gays], even if we detain them, even if we harass them, the bill is there. They will know they are supported by the bill.’ Homophobia in Uganda is almost universal: one study reported that 95 per cent of citizens were against legalizing homosexuality.

Some in the LGBT community have already gone underground out of fear. Christopher Ssenyonjo, a retired Anglican bishop in Kampala, is perhaps the only member of the clergy still ministering to LGBT Christians. The bishop used to host a group of 20-25 worshippers for Sunday prayers at his office, tucked in a building on a side street in a quiet suburb. That number has dropped down to between five and seven since talk of the bill started: ‘People are not coming because they might be spotted,’ he explains.

In perhaps its most Orwellian edict, the bill calls for those aware of homosexual activity to turn in offenders within 24 hours. Bishop Ssenyonjo worries that this will create a fear of betrayal that will cut off people in the gay community from counselling and other help. Even if they can survive the bill’s other provisions, can they withstand a total lack of emotional support? Ssenyonjo believes that, for those mired in turmoil and self-hatred in a culture that despises and ostracizes them, ‘this may even lead to suicide’.

Jocelyn Edwards