i am so happy for those who receive their promise


i'm feeling bad about my message about doing drugs
because if you know me you would know that i have
zero reason to be pointing fingers in that department
in other words
i did some drugs in my youth

but maybe thats why i am so opinionated about them now
i really think they're terrible
i have seen many people go to the gutter because of drugs
ruin their life their youth their potential

and sometimes their children

when it comes to addiction
it is serious business
not just things you smoke
but alcohol, pornography, and such
this stuff robs lives ruins minds
its actually pretty sad

my dolly


do you smoke weed? does your husband?
many people do
old people smart people poor people
its not actually legal
and well doesn't really fit with your professed Christian lifestyle
especially because you are now in your thirties
and have kids

some ugly phases
need to be passed

do you snort cocaine?
do you think that your kids will not want to do that if you are?
do you think that they won't know?

is it actually cool?

some ugly phases
need to be passed

i learned that

the staircase is actually going down
not up
i need to go down the steps
not up to higher heights

decided to cut down on coffee

and thus having a hard time formulating thought

i really like church

i really like going to hear the gossple preached
i like to go to church
the definition of church is simply - people meeting together for worship
in the bible they met in homes
i do that too
sometimes i listen to preachers and i hear them speak what is in the bible
and i have a lot of peace
and much comfort
knowing that what i need- i have
i know where to go
i believe the bible is truth. the truth
i trust in a/the Holy Spirit

A tough pill to swallow - Sympatico / MSN Green

we may not all have a degree in ecology- but here is a simple snippit of something i stubbled upon a while ago. this may not seem like a big deal to us or you now.
this is huge. this is talking about the androgeny of the ecosystem...the animal kingdom.
as the male species slowly die off and become unisexual this has huge implications for the entire flow of the natural universe.. it also may explain other things...hmmm
too much estrogen everywhere will make for major craziness...we know it causes some cancers and one article passed onto me tied a connection between it and autism..
AHHH! panic now and avoid the rush!!!

A tough pill to swallow - Sympatico / MSN Green: "It’s easy to see why the birth control pill is the most popular contraceptive in Canada: discrete packaging that fits into a woman’s purse, convenient once-a-day administration and an effectiveness rate of 99 per cent if taken correctly. But in recent years, alarming results of environmental studies have come to light that may have eco-conscious women second-guessing the pill as their chosen method.

University of New Brunswick researcher Karen Kidd and her team spent two years spiking lakes with synthetic estrogen to mimic the effect of estrogen that is expelled in urine and winds up in wastewater. They found that the hormone was interfering with the reproductive systems of male minnows; in effect, the fish had become “feminized.” David Janz, a professor at the University of Saskatchewan, has spent the past 15 years studying the sustainability of Canada’s native fish populations and has observed eggs growing in male fish. Janz notes that the physiology of a fish is remarkably similar to that of a human. “I always say, if you’re concerned about water quality, go ask the fish. They live there.”"
crayola farted at my house

so if you actually read all of those 120 things

i can tell you that i do now have a car with insurance
i had mosquito netting over a bed
i went on a canoe sortof and did go to NYC
i made a pottery set sans forks(too difficult)
i am an aunt and mother and i did get married
i went across Canada on the greyhound(well to Quebec City)
i do count to 10 and beyond when impatient
i went to SanFran
i have a porch and i blow bubbles almost everyday at work(sensory for kids)
i have very long hair right now
i got purple suede boots in 07
and i do love my age

i haven't been trying to actually do this list- but its funny what is being accomplished anyway...if you even want to call them accomplishments...

2 years later list continued

then in 2005 i added 25 more things to my list:

"Long Hair
Purple Suede Booties
Paris again for more than a day
Really Rad Trustworthy Good Friends
Find a job that really works for me
Find a man who really works for me
Lose flying fear
God in all choices
Learn how to do my part for the workers
Learn how to do my part for the environment
Lose fear of cooking
Love being a woman
Love my age
Lose unproductive stress
Live away for real
Paint for real
Really nice lingerie
Get married and have a great big wonderful wedding
Have beautiful strong babies
Get another degree
Work Out
Do not dwell in dark places
See Miracles Everywhere
Never not be me, from the inside out
Never be numb"

list continued

"remain an average lake
not accept position #64
somehow make yummy chocolate cookies that are good for you
own a car and have insurance in alberta
rollerblade ever
have a battery operated toothbrush that has levels one to ten
do what I say or say less or something
do not fear physics
lose concern for the judgment of others
eat donairs from A and A with sharmilla
eat shark- if it is an option
have a craft room
wear a hat to a wedding(not baseball)
learn how to use the mini yellow pages
have a good long distance plan
have mosquito netting over a bed in my house
learn which gut to trust
write a childrens book
scubadive- where there are rainbow fish or colorful(whatever they are called)
know the rest of God( rest as in calm/peace)
empire state
liberty the statue
taj mahal
direct a play
perform once more
entire pottery set with forks
lawn furniture sculptor replicating naked ones
see a penguin- not in a zoo
be an aunt
dress up as a cowboy and attend the calgary stampede
bake a big cake—like really big---the jump out of kind
steak in texas
grande canyon camping.
A night at sea...witha life jacket or water wings
Know a vacant beach and pretend its mine
Give time and money and smiles
Drink tea with Thyra
Be a friend
Be a daughter who is an example
Remember that we decide how others treat us
Have a healthy mom
Grow long eye lashes miraculously
Be on a butterfly farm
tap dance
spend an hour in an elevator.........(note dots)
(90-100 were made up between me and a 5 year old- so not sure that they count)

list continued

"Realize I am lucky
Ride a horse twice a week for 6 months
Across canada
north yukon. Nwt
fire pit in backyard
photography- do a show—white picket fences, that are decrepid
wall mural
have a breakfast party- invite handicapped people
speak spell sing spanish
iceland on a donkey
moss garden
own a large gong- for all the shows that come and go
count to 10 instead 3 when I am impatient
own a 6 toed cat
have large tree house in my backyard- many big trees with berries—or maybe just raspberry bushes
do a perfect cartwheel
convention in france
remember those that pass by
life is fragile
remove warts
hug more
its all about the VW van
or red pickup truck
put faith where doubt reigns
don’t take self too seriosly"

to do list

k for some reason i am having hard time posting this. i found this in my inbox from march 2003- a list of 100 things to do before i die.

sanfran...........................that rhymes
marathon- or long walk
ocean dipping with skinny involvement
ballet lessons again
Teach art to the 5 year old population
Be a mom
Apple pie- just once
Garden with carrots
Deck off bedroom
Porch –big
Sabastian – a dog that doesn’t know how to bark
Visit the fatherless and the widows in their affliction
Vancouver island for a month or a year
Singing lessons or piano –whichever seems more promising
Blow bubbles"

authentic life

having a conversation yesturday
with a quasi teacher
and some things rang true

to pray
to live from that place
of prayer
our connection with God

that everyone is on a journey
that God is working with everyone

to be free
to trust
to submit
Thy Will Be Done


God is Light and in him is no darkness at all
Jesus is the Light of Life

Light will always win over darkness
within and without


k- if a dog or cat pisses on the rug- use this

but if you want Fresh air- open the window

this stuff is full of chemicals and does not increase the air quality of any space
if you have asthma or if you smoke this stuff is the worst thing for "airing" out
i actually think that within the next 5 years this stuff will be taken off the market
for being proved as a health and safety concern


i have never known someone really well and watched them die of cancer or anything like it
i have also never known anyone really well who died with a tragic surprise

but i was morbidly thinking the other day that there must be something special about having the chance and opportunity to say Goodbye. to ensure peace with God and man.

when all is said and done


so this person was telling me the other day that they have ADHD
and I was like
how do you know
and when she told me the symptoms
i was like
sounds like everyone i know
including myself

so i would like to inform all you people
that you have ADHD
attention deficit hypersensitivity disorder
i find it refreshing when a Doctor admits that he doesn't know the answer
i find it refreshing when a Minister admits that they are not sure about something

i found it encouraging the other day when a friend admitted that she didn't know the way- the next step- but that she would look and trust in God

i really like knowing that i am not the only person on the planet that sometimes and maybe often doesn't actually have it all figured out and frankly is just trying to keep it real from one day to the next

man is but dust


my mom is still alive
she is a medical miracle
she is held together by much that is artificial
and Gods timing
she finally got her firstaid(what are those called?) necklace in the mail today
of which they could not fit all her pertinent details on it

pump up the volume

for anyone who doesn't know
i grew up watching wayy too much T.V
like wayy too much

and i am glad that i now don't have a T.V
not because i think T.V is evil in itself
but because it is a time robber
and often feeds us with nothing
it is dead. often addictive. and gives a false sense of reality

but when i did feast often
and watch movies
Pump up the Volume
was the coolest movie ever

having said that

i do understand
and prefer to not have people talk about me behind my back

and i do prefer to not have hideous pics of me posted on the internet

to you my friend who is far away

i miss you
i worry about you


i don't have any secrets
i may not blog about all my issues and drama
but if i met you in real life
and you asked me about anything
i would tell you


i don't understand secrets
i understand choosing to not gossip about others
or keeping a secret for someone else

but for me
i don't get it

i think that if we fear sharing
something, then that something
has power over us

thank you

to the friend who reminded me
that we need not fear "losing it"
cause we "don't have it" in the first place

honk your horn

i honk my horn
i honk for safety
i honk to communicate
to warn
to inform
i honk when i am happy and when i am not so happy
honking is not personal
i am happy when someone honks at me when i am sitting at a green light

the other day i was in a vehicle with a bad driver
and we almost got hit by a car
and i said - why didn't you honk your horn'
and she said- oh, i don't get road rage'
and i was like-what are you talking about? what does road rage have to do with honking?

i also believe the kindly wave when someone lets you in
i think strollers and shopping carts and wheel chairs should also have horns

this book is wayyy to funny

this little piggy went to prada


i like it
i like the smell
i like the greenery etc.
i like summer clothing

but- i am not a summer worshipper
i am not a sun worshipper
truth be told i like grey days
i like rainy days
i like snowy days
i like fall
i like cold breezes
i love shade

i am afraid to admit that last week i was missing frost

one thing that i know for sure is that i cannot tolerate being too hot
i mean cannot tolerate
like i am gonna faint- can't talk- can't stand
truly am suffering

so thats my sortof boring blog about summer


was cool in 1988
and his music is still cool

but lest we forget
the dude was a tad shady

possible pedophile
plastic surgery addict
black man made white?
super weird
in every way