http://garganchewin.blogspot.com/ garganchewin.blogspot.com So I have decided to really come out from the rock And share my previous blog Which I haven't written on in forever I am slightly embarrassed As my angst is obvious And every once in a while a minor expletive shows up But interesting none the less As it represents a special time of my life Mid twenties
If it's yellow Let it mellow If it's brown Flush it down
Of coarse I don't really mean boring I mean common We are all just humans So we have a lot in common I mean is anyones experience or struggle so unique that different rules apply? Is anyones love or hate or desire so special that it can't be summed up as "the human flesh" We like to think some people are so uncommon. Even criminals. No. They are just humans living in bondage to flesh. I guess sometimes people can seem so dark it's almost like they have given themselves over to the darkside.. Yikes! Anyway Got to go Don't even know what I am talking about
How come in school we weren't allowed to copy eachother. We were not allowed to steal ideas, to draw the same picture, to tell the same story.. Sometimes we did copy and we always felt ashamed. Now, in adult life it's allowed, it's called sharing. Or getting an idea. And I do so get that! Ideas are great! I just don't understand why in school it's called cheating and in real life it's a free for all.. I do this too.. Not too long ago I went to someones house and saw an ottoman that I HAD to have. I said where did you get that? How much was it? And I went and bought it... Could have cared less that I was "copying" her. The thing about it is this person and I have a very similar aesthetic appreciation... So maybe that's why I didn't feel odd about being a Copycat..(that's the word I am looking for) Because here is my true confession I get sharing I get trying But I think stealing does still exist But that's a matter of the heart Impossible to prove Does it even matter Maybe to the person being copied Maybe not Goodness, we can't all be original can we? We're just humans! But do I want my daughter to use her own ideas( what does that even mean anyway), not to copy another's. I want her to have original thought. To think "well, I like that persons idea, but is it me? Is it mine? Could I find a better way? Am I trying to be like someone else? Does this stuff matter? Maybe not But I think there may be people that try so hard to be like this or like that, that they lose their honest understanding of themselves .. And I think we all need an honest understanding of ourselves Don't we? Now I'm really on a tangent.. Do we ever really see ourselves for who we actually are? Or does that take a life time. I was jut thinking of someone I know who often seems like they sum up themselves very different then anyone else would on the outside . But, arnt we all like that. Do I see myself perfectly? Absolutely not. Sometimes we have moments of clarity I think,I hope. Sometimes I am astounded by how simple and common we all are. Even truly fabulous interesting people still have their common boring parts.
I know no one is gonna believe this Buy I don't get the pinterest thing.. I guess it's cheaper then magazines..?
Sometimes being a mom feels like Death Metal, sometimes Mozart Today again, included some wonder As we sat in the clinic recovering from shots a woman with her baby girl sat there. This mother had a very strong presence; strength, warmth, kindness. I was actually sitting there being mind boggled by what having a child does to a woman. It unites us. Moms and moms have a lot in common just because of having a child. Me and this woman were very different . Different backgrounds/ethnicity/culture etc. Anyway, I was thinking of this woman and her vibe and the nurse came in and called her daughter in for her shots.."Mercy" "Mercy, come on in".. I was like Hilarious "This is Justice" I just think Justice and Mercy go together like salt and pepper.. Anyway, I know there are other little babies named Mercy and Justice.. But there was something so precious about that little moment. About that little baby Mercy and all that she means to her mom, all that her mom hopes for her, and yes, expects from her.. So precious...
Today I am overwhelmed by this religiosity . I am tired and afraid of saying the wrong thing. I am afraid of being a hypocrite. I am afraid of hurting someone. I am grieved because I know i am one pathetic excuse for a Christian. I can't take back anything I said because I believe it all to be true. I would like to take back some spelling mistakes but I am too lazy. I wish I could get excited about blogging about a new recipe or a trip to the zoo. But I don't find that stuff interesting in the least.(probably why I am a bad cook). Truth is I've got enough on my plate as it is just trying to be a good mom/wife etc. I'm not here to condemn anyone and I desperately fear my own judgement day. I hope that everyone sorts it all out . I hope you can forgive me reader, if I was too blunt, too much for you.
So for readers who don't know.. These last 3 posts are in Response to a comment I received about 6 posts back. This final response is going to be pretty anti-climactic.. At first I thought it would be a great opportunity to defend my fellowship and beliefs/church.. Because let's be real here the person blatantly attacked my church.. But why would I cast my pearls before swine? Why? What will it gain? Will I win this persons soul? Will I convert someone? Most likley I would just further offend. I do not at all take back my post about saving the world or peace. I've always said one can't understand war unless they understand religion. This persons accusation of me is actually in itself a perfect example of why there cannot be peace on earth, but rather division. Because I don't believe what he does, he is upset. Wants to change me. Doesn't think that I get it. This is precisely why there cannot be peace on earth. I understand. There are obviously many people who live their life by a philosophy that I do not agree with, nor do I respect. This causes division .just imagine what kind of tumult is possible when one person or community or country or culture has a belief that someone should be put to death because of their beliefs..this is why there is war.(well this and power) If one could remove corruption out of this world then one would save the world. How is that possible when one cannot even remove the corruption and blindness out of ones own heart?. Jesus said the whole world lies in wickedness. The whole world. When I read the Bible, I read a jillion different things. A lot about love. A lot about sacrifice . Gods sacrifice. Our own sacrifice. I read a lot about prayer. Finding out gods will. I read a tone about how to deal with our own personal problems. I read about respecting the ministry. I read about what the ministry should be like. WhAt church should be like. What men should do and be like. Even what women should act like and look like. Yikes! There is some pretty detailed stuff in there that I don't take likely. People like to rip Jesus out of the Bible and carry him around in their own self serving backpack . Jesus is the word. The Bible is also the Word. The words of Paul are also the Word. The whole cannon of the Bible is meant to be one source. Christ is the authority and the head so there is no confusion, but we can't walk away from Paul, or the OT, or any exhortation that we don't think we like. The more I read the more Clear it is that the church and ministry have a certain shape. Does that mean I am judging any one elses Salvation? No. But if I were seeking for a church I would try and find one that fit with the bible. If I wanted to live in truth and have fellowship(which is scriptural) I would find a ministry that preached that gospel. I had a conversation once with someone close to me about their faith because at the time they wanted to find a new church. I explained that one main difference between her faith and mine was thy she believed in the Trinity and that I didn't . She said so? What difference does it make? I don't think it matters. Umm It does matter It is doctrine It changes the entire shape If you don't recognize that Jesus is the Son and not God then you won't understand that Jesus was a man with like flesh as we, but that he was obedient to God the father and was an example for us to follow. Self denial and obedience to the Father. Jesus is not God. Jesus was not God.Jesus was a man whose life is not at all summed up in his sacrifice. His Life was in living daily within Gods plan. His life is in the ressurection. Etc. Etc. Sorry I'm getting on a tangent. And why? I can't bring justice to Jesus. Te Word is sufficient . Anyway that's one thing that's been on my mind. Anyway this person who I was talking about her church never wanted to find the truth . She never wanted to search the scriptures and read and beg for answers. She didn't really want to know. She was too afraid or unwilling lest there would be a cost. Lest God would show her something that she didn't like . Maybe she just wasn't at the point in her life where she was desperate enough. Any church that tells you that you are good enough and to just lie back and trust in Salvation is false. Any church that allows for homosexual marriage is false. Any church that doesn't apply Gods judgement daily to themselves is false . Any church that shares a gospel of acceptance without repentance is false. Any church that thinks it's more important to eat organic, recycle, save the rainforests, or to stop any war ,is more important then the internal works of obedience to Christ within is false. Any church that doesn't focus on the Spiritual work. The invisible work of God is missing something. The Antichrist denies the Father and the Son. Any church that does not believ in a ministry that lives in sacrifice is missing something.. Anyway Thanks for the sweet message Bri. I was thinking how much fun I used to have when we went swimming in Vic .. Good times.. My last thought is most churches that I know of has an open door policy. Easy come easy go. So it should be easy to just leave a church without getting angry. If one is presently attending a church that they don't like and don't agree with and is cutting down innocent members of their fellowship in an effort to justify their dislike for their church and this has been going on for a long time. Just walk away. Do come back. Come back when You realize how horrid it is to betray the trust of people ou have fellowship with and trash them publically. Come back . I know all people struggle and that's not what I am talking about. I an talking about when there is no struggle left. Jus continuing for some unknown reason, maybe to try and change others... It's always been an open door.
Presently and daily I would like to save the world. I would like there to be no one starving . No one cold. No one in bondage. No one begging for justice. I would like to save the world. I would like there to be no more pain or sorrow or fear. No more war. Green grass. Clean water. Healthy rainforests forever and ever. Yes that is what I want. I have 2 innocent perfect pure beautiful children that have just not even began to taste of the true difficulty and bitterness of this life in this world. My being aches especially when I think of them. I stopped reading the news actually because I began to hyperventalate the last time I read about child pornography. No no this world I would love to change. My daughter her name is Hope. Not because of the Hope there is in this world. Not because of natural hope. There is no natural Hope. This flesh and this dust- they are one. Hopeless. My son is named Justice, not because of laws and rights and earthly justice. There is no earthly justice. The only just One is Christ. I am not personally capable of actually wiping every tear in this world. I cannot save every puppy. Even my therapist a while ago encouraged me that I was not the worlds garbage dump.. Like it wasn't for me to save all the puppies. It was dragging me down to a place far from God. Far from Peace. Far from Joy. Very far from trust. If you, yes you , need a place to stay you can stay here. If you need food, I can feed you. If you or someone else has fallen by the side of the road, and I happen to see you on my way to the library, it is my pleasure and great privilege to help you , yes to save you. If you know of a place that you think that I could be useful please let me know . Presently I do seem to serve a use here at home, but I am very sure I could do more. Often I wonder what that thing is. I wanted to save highly effected psychoatic abusive autistic teenagers and I had a break down and went on disability .. Why, because I would come home every night and cry my eyes out and have nightmares all night about them and their pain. Eventually I was robbed.If you know a lonely person who would like me to hold their hand on their death bed.. I will do it. My hubby sometimes serves at the homeless shelter.. I think that's great.. I understand that Calgary is one of the most charitable cities to live in. I love charity. I personally depend on charity myself as I am broke. I know I know I an rambling.. Just want to get it all out... You see, love and giving can be complex if it robs you of your Love and Trust in God.. If giving to people minimized your respect for the first and greatest commandment to Love God will all of my heart soul strength and mind. If we love God we will love his word.we will love his Will. I guess that is what it comes down to is what is his will for you and what is his will for me. I can it tell you that and vice-versa. You can speculate. You can assume that I am not doing the will of God because I don't wear organic underpants , nor to I have a flight booked to Uganda to parachute off into the parades of need there. See, I don't have a cape. I don't wear spandex. I am not a super hero . I just hope that God will tell me what to do when I need to do it. Presently God is asking me to pray for others. For the world . For those in Lonley places. For those who are sick and full of darkness. For those who have no hope . For those who are suffering. For those who are hungry . And yes for those who would accuse and condemn me. For those who have lost their vision and their Love for the Truth in Christ. For those who have had itching ears and wanted another doctrine.already today I have prayed for you twice. Not that you would do this or do that. Simply for you. That Gods Will would be done in your life. I am sure that as you journey and read and pray and are honest that you will be found in his Will. Isn't that how it works. Isn't that what I am trying desperately to do every day? I am very sorry with all sincerity that it doesn't appear that way to you- whoever you are.because I do care what you think.
I salute you for your conviction and gumption to post a remarkably accusative anonymous post on a public blog. You and I should be friends.. Please check back as I will probably post a few times in response to you. I do enjoy religious conversation.. Even if difficult I think it is so good for all humans to try and discover and wonder about the spiritual realm... I cannot possibly justify or prove myself to you with words and vice-versa... But I think responding is necessary.. No doubt after all my rambling you will still think the same of me or maybe even worse. First off let me introduce myself. My name is Robin. I have a family. I live in Calgary. I have a BFA in Drama. Working with Autistic children was my addiction. I have a cat. I think in pictures. My main faults include anger selfishness bitterness self righteousness and covetousness. I am absolutely one of the weakest people you will ever meet by nature. I began praying as a child because I wanted something. I lived a very full youth in that I did whatever I wanted all the time. I did not at all live my life within any scope of Christianity inward or outward. But i guess when it came down to it I did fear God. I have plenty of religious family of different Christian sorts. My long term Muslim boyfriend is the one who encouraged me to figure it out.(long story) I lived in Victoria for a while. I paint.I read the Bible and believe it to be true. To hold the Truth. I do not believe that the Spirit would ever lead someone outside of the word of God.in other words.. Some things are pretty clear. Somethings not so much. I love to go to gospel meetings. I do. I actually love to hear the gossple preached. It actually makes me happy. Joyful. Thankful. Excited. It makes me want say "come and hear".
So there is a scale in the bathroom at church.. And it appears I am not losing as fast as I think.. The biggest conspiracy is that I actually feel skinny.. Also, I don't have a full length mirror.. That might have something to do with it..while pregnant this time I reached 193.. Yikes!.. Still got a long way to go..
Is where I am today
Heal the world Make it a better place For you and for me And the entire human race Yes Nice Words Should we all do are best to be nice and contribute to the betterment of humanity--sure Is the world ever gonna be a better place? These are the words of Michael not Jesus. Jesus said there would be war and it would continue. Jesus said he did not come to bring peace on earth. He came to bring a sword to divide.. Even to divide families.. He did come to bring Peace in our hearts/spirit/soul.. But not for nations.. What I am pondering today folks is Is World Peace even condusive(sp) with Christianity.. Is trying to Save the World conducive ? Isn't God just going to make a new heaven and earth anyways? Of coarse I recycle and think it's good and necessary and even Righteous to Respect our environment;creation itself is a gift.. But "saving" the world.. I'm not sure... Like didn't God tell Adam that everything was made for man to Use? I guess maybe it's a fine line between use and waste Being wasteful cannot be right That would appear as being unthankful no?
It's not just your family
For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears;2timothy3:4 Thought maybe I should expound on the previous post. But again difficult as posting from my phone. I am not hear to tell you what to do, but I am also not hear to keep my mouth shut about Truth. Many many times in the NT is there warnings that a time will come when people/Christians will not want to hear the Truth.. They will want to hear another gospel .. One that is easier on the ears... One that doesn't tell them how to live or what to change.. One that tells them that they are good enough.. That they are saved.. That they should look forward to heavens open gates.. One that actually Denies what Jesus actually said. He said to change. He said we must all change and become Servants of God and die to our flesh and take up our cross and follow Him. Or we have no Hope. He said that narrow is the way and few there be that find it. The truth is we all want to do whatever we want.. Think whatever we want.. Lust and love and feel whatever we want for whoever we want whenever we want. This will lead us to spiritual death aka Hell aka Damnation aka weeping and knashing of teeth forever. Yes. That is what Jesus said. Tough pill to swallow. I am not going to lie to you like your other friends and family. I will not lie to you like you are lying to yourself. Because I love you because I don't want you or anyone else to live in the regret and horror of eternity. Because it is so wonderfull and honest and exciting to now prepare for our end. To now read and pray and earnestly try our best to live in the Word. There is no Salvation or Hope otherwise. I refuse to regret warning you. Because I love you. Be deceived God is not mocked for whatsoever a man soweth that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to the flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption. He that soweth to the spirit shall of the spirit reap everlasting life(Paul).. Our days are few and numbered. Seek and you shall find. Go church shopping. Read. Pray. Be willing to find out the truth. Be willing to be honest about your desires and deeds. Ask God what is right and wrong now. Judgement day is too late. Please. The other word I used in my last post was reprobate.. There is a vs that speaks about how people who are unwilling and dishonest for long enough God will just let them be that way. Let them live in self deciet .. They will have no conviction. No guilt. No fear. Infact they will probably have some sortof self righteousness or peace or comfort living for themselves. But the sad truth is these people are lost. I guess that's enough for today folks. I am desperately tryig not to condemn and accuse and sound high and mighty. I am simply trying to paraphrase the Bible incase someone out there actually cares.
I see your lie finally I was confused before as to how you could be confused I no longer wonder I see exactly where the reprobate mind has come I see what your itching ears has got you And it did make me cry Not for the reason that you had hoped