So I confess I have a close relative that I have spent a lot of time judging up until this week. Let's just say plastic surgery was no stranger to her. Competition and vanity and showey showerson- no stranger. This week, she had a party for her daughter and we went, and so did some other moms from her "rich.hot.cool" club. And I was like. O. I see.it was like a commercial for Botox! No no these ladies will never see a wrinkle. Never see a strain. A turkey neck. And it all made sense to me. And I stopped judging my cousin. If I were her, and all my friends looked like that and talked about that, I think I would be tempted to be just as cosmetic as her... Actually it was sortof sad. May wrinkles never scare me. Never diminish me. Never anul my beauty. May other peoples scars and fat and real bits never push me away. May I always love and relish in the reality of being human, having flaws, and growing older.
So I went to this Home last week.the owners I truly enjoy. But I left feeling like.. Wow. I am so not like that. And wondered why. Why do I not have organized labeled Tupperware in my pantry? Why don't I follow recipes? Why don't I where an apron? Why doesn't my week have a schedule? Why don't my kids have a schedule? Why do I eat sushi and chocolate chips for breakfast? Why don't i know what day it is? Why don't I have a career? Like Why Don't I Grow Up? Like Why Don't I Grow Up and Read parenting books and schedule my babies and make them cry it out like every other intelligent Wonder Woman? Why don't I do all my laundry on Mondays? Why don't I do all my ironing on Tuesdays? Good grief, why don't I have a nanny and a housekeeper like all these other Wonderful people? Why do I have obnoxiously large overly colored paintings on everyone of my walls that no one would ever actually want in their house.. Why don't I lose the baby weight man? Why don't I run marathons or travel or make a good quinoa salad? Why don't I even care if my kids eat or not when food is presented to them? Why am I so lazy? Why can't I just tighten up those shoe strings and make something remarkable out of myself? ... So ya, I could go on.. And I'm not sure if I even have an answer. Probably some words my Leonard Cohen, or Nellie Furtado would be appropriate...
Expectations are the worst. Is it wrong to get offended. Certainly. So never mind me and this short rant. One of my expectations that I have in others is that if I send an inquiry, comment, or note to someone via phone, text, email, or FB, that i will get a response ...a somewhat timely response. Now I am known to be a bit of a flake so I can't even confirm that I have never left someone hanging. I have also used the don't call me, just text me tactic as well. Once I realized that I hadn't responded to a very generous note someone had written me for a year, and I truly felt horrible about it. It had obviously been a crazy year. Anyway, with that said, as I age I realize that I need to hang on to the friends that I have. Sometimes things are not smooth and easy, but I still want to work with what I got.. I even appreciate those who can just be polite whether or not they are in an overt friendly space or not. Politeness I am finding in itself can cause and even save friendships.. And it's free.
So the forecast is Finally looking sunny and nice summer weather. And I am sort of bummed. While everyone I know cannot wait for summer weather, I actually grin and bear it. I really like cooler weather. I actually have a hard time even going outside in the summer unless I know for sure that there will be shade. I sound like a granny. Wait a sec.. I feel like a granny too! Maybe I am a granny.. I do like warm weather, I like flowers, like rain, really like snow... Not even sure why. I can remember ages ago I would get really down and depressed in the winter.. At least I thought it was Because of Winter... I think something clicked in my brain when I lived on the island.. Like survive and love grey days or else... I know I know boring post. Just bracing myself for heat and cranky days.
The mother with an important but dangerous job sat down to write a goodbye letter to her two young daughters. Just in case, she thought. The Taliban could get lucky this time and finally kill her. Fawzia Koofi, who is campaigning for the presidency of Afghanistan, began by writing this to her 10- and 12-year-old. "Today I am going on political business to Faizabad and Darwaz. I hope I will come back soon and see you again, but I have to say that perhaps I will not." If she didn't come home, she wrote little Shuhra and Shaharzad, they should take their mother's advice on how to get on without her. "First," she wrote, "don't forget me." Finish school, live independently, stay with your aunt, study abroad. All the money their mother has in the bank, it's all theirs. Spend it wisely, on school. "A girl needs an education if she is to excel in this man's world." Explore the world. Be brave. Make your country a better place. "All of us human beings will die one day," Koofi wrote. "Maybe today is the day I will die. But if I do, please know that it was for a purpose." Despite her security detail receiving a message that the Taliban had planted a bomb under her car, she went, and made it back home safely. This is Koofi, someone who believes without question, even since childhood, that purpose has always guided her. Luck was just something that always showed up when she needed it.
Sun Jun 17, 06:39 PM A father's love: the most influential of all? CTVNews.ca Staff Gregory Slayton, author of 'Be a Better Dad Today!' appears on CTV News Channel, Tuesday, June 12, 2012. Former U.S. president George Washington once said, "All I am I owe to my mother." But a new study suggests it was his father who may have had more of an influence on his development. Researchers at the University of Connecticut compiled data from more than 500 studies in an attempt to answer the question of whether the acceptance, or rejection, by either a mother or a father has the biggest influence on a child's personality development. They found that while most children receive the same levels of acceptance or rejection from each parent, it was one parent's rejection that had the most significant impact on a child. The research found that a father's rejection often had a greater impact than a mother's. In another part of their study, the researchers looked at the potential development impacts of that rejection. They analyzed data from 36 studies, and found that children who feel rejection from their parents tend to feel more anxious and insecure, and also tend to be more hostile or aggressive toward others. The sting of childhood rejection also carries forward into adulthood. Adults who experienced rejection as children tend to find it more difficult to establish trusting and secure intimate relationships. The researchers note that an international team of psychologists has already developed a theory about why a father's rejection may have a greater impact on development. Children, the psychologists say, may pay closer attention to the parent they perceive to have the most power or prestige in the relationship. Therefore, if the child perceives his or her father more power, his words and actions may have greater impact. Meanwhile, the team of psychologists is working on the International Father Acceptance Rejection Project, conducting further research into the relationship between a father's rejection and a child's personality development. Study co-author Ronald Rohner said the findings carry an important message, and that is the importance of a father's love to a child's development. Rohner also said a better understanding of a father's influence on personality development may help end so-called "mother blaming." "The great emphasis on mothers and mothering in America has led to an inappropriate tendency to blame mothers for children's behaviour problems and maladjustment when, in fact, fathers are often more implicated than mothers in the development of problems such as these," Rohner said in a statement. The study was published in the May 2012 edition of Personality and Social Psychology Review, a journal of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology. Be a better dad The findings correspond with the release of a new book on fatherhood by former United States ambassador to Bermuda, Gregory W. Slayton. In "Be a Better Dad Today: 10 Tools Every Father Needs," Slayton offers advice on fatherhood based on interviews with dads on all five continents. "I started to see that there were a lot of things that dads did, effective fathers, whether we were in Canada or Japan or Africa or Europe," Slayton told CTV News Channel in an interview earlier this week. "And that's what became the 10 tools that every father needs." Slayton, a father of four, said parenthood was especially challenging for him, having grown up without a father. And he admits that his guidelines for being a better father aren't simple. But as with anything you build, including the relationship with your children, "you need tools." Those tools include putting family first, even when work takes up so much of a parent's life. "What that does mean is that when we're home we're deliberate about putting down the newspaper, turning off the game on the TV…spending a few minutes a day with each member of our family," Slayton said. While that may seem obvious, some of Slayton's rules are less so, including the directive to be "all-in" when it comes to marriage. "All-in marriage is simply the fact that one of the best gifts we can give our children is a stable, secure home," he said. "And the way to do that is to really love the children's mom." His book acknowledges that relationships fail, and includes advice for single fathers and blended families. But his advice comes down to what he believes dads are most obligated to give their children: advice they can carry with them into the future. "We all think about what we're going to give to our kids: money, houses, boats, whatever it might be," Slayton said. "But the reality is those things don't have a big impact on the happiness of the kids later in life. What does have a big impact is are we as dads, and moms, able to transfer to our children a set of ethical and moral values that's going to help them navigate the tricky complexity of life?"
http://www.joshweed.com/2012/06/club-unicorn-in-which-i-come-out-of.html?m=1 .....please please please read this post! Thank you so much to this person who added his personal and honest Voice to all the other voices out there who have an opinion about the Gay issue/life/experience. Thank you so so much for having the guts to expose yourself to all the criticisms of the world. I so admire people like this. You know sometimes I am tempted to keep my mouth shut, and even sometimes I do:).. But sometimes I remember how dangerous it is to be quiet...dangerous because then what if everyone was quiet except a certain few.. That equals danger. I find that most of my comrades choose to keep their mouths shut.. Sometimes I appreciate that, other times I wonder if that is helping.. Not sure. I am on a tangent. My point is simply about the Gay thing. The pulse of our culture is quickly becoming a place where ONLY one way of thinking about homosexuality is an option.. Our society is so caught up in acceptance that in some ways it is robbing other areas . Namely and absolutely freedom of speech and freedom of religion, but also just freedom to be a homosexual and still have a (not sure how to word this) .. Normal? Heterosexual? Authentic biological family experience. So what am I saying? Nothing really. I have always loved homosexuals.. And I embrace homosexuals coming out of the closet.. Yes please live honesty!... I just don't think it's fair that younger homosexuals/lesbians are basically given one option. Embrace your sexuality. Forsake religion. Forsake a natural family experience. They are being robbed of other choices. That is what I love about the post this guy wrote. Another option. A happy option. Any one who thinks you cannot possibly live a happy life in a relationship that doesn't cater to ones first nature is proven wrong in his blog post. Anyone else who has ever been married can also attest(sp?) to this fact. That the marital relationship and marital sex life is nothing like our first nature anyway. This guys probably has a more fulfilling sex life now anyway in his "heterosexual" marriage, and he absolutely has a more fulfilling family life. I am so refreshed to read about people who have the courage and the wisdom to live differenty and to share it.
A Texas father may have been within his rights when he beat a man to death after allegedly catching him in the act of molesting his four-year-old ... Not sure what to say about this news item. O be honest, when I read it, I felt refreshed. I felt refreshed because sometimes I wonder if I am alone in this world. When I hear or learn of a disgusting act against a child, I don't recover well. I truly cannot reconcile myself to a world where even pedophilia even exists. I cannot even remotely come to terms with it. I was refreshed simply because someone somewhere obviously feels the same way as me. I was even more excited to read all the comments by more and more people who also felt refreshed. I do not agree with murder .. My refreshing is simply that I understood what he did and why. I too would pull out that psycho if I ever encountered jazz like that happening to any child around me. I am refreshed that there are still people who have a problem with wrongness.