O FB con't

just got 2 really sweet messages on my inbox via FB today
and i have to say
maybe it's got some really redeeming qualities

if i never shave my legs again will it be a sign

will it be a sign
that i have too much pride
or not enough


one thing i like is this :)
smiley face
it makes every questionable or partial potentially rude or blunt comment
seem sortof nice

facebook anthem

o- FB
so and so left her husband
so and so is dressed like a prostitute
so and so seems happy
so and so had a nice birthday party
so and so must have too much time on her hands
so and so is being weird
so and so hasn't commented lately
so and so said happy birthday to you know who
so and so . O FB
i am slowly and surely
cutting ties with the online world
of "friends" one never sees or talks to
of "friends" who don't exist
of "friends" who've lost their marbles

from far and wide
all the things i didn't need to know
but now can't help but stew

i like all the good pics and new babies and shiny weddings
i like funny stories and comments
i don't like wondering why someone deleted me as a friend
or didn't reply to my message

our home and native land
O- FB!)(

no i can't hang out past 5pm

cause i have night blindness
4 gray hairs removed
i bet there are no more coming


today i met a child
who was very misbehaved
and then i met his mom
well heard his mom
calling him names like

it was sad

please don't call your children names

wrinkles for humanity

one dreamy idea
half a decade ago
was to start a movement called
wrinkles for humanity

in which we would encourage
people to choose to keep their wrinkles
( ie. skip the botox and knife)
and instead spend the surplus
on others
(ie. the starving suffering masses of earth)

obviously, I/we gave up on this lofty goal
but maybe today i can post this short little blog post
and leave the idea

the idea being that if everyone on the planet
decided to keep what they have
boobs, wrinkles, no-boobs, bigbehind etc.
then there would be a lot of extra money floating around
the Pretty Business is a jillion dollar factory
spread that money around to others who don't even have the chance
of being old enough to have proper wrinkles
and look normal
which is fine



"it was noted that Gore is on course to become the first to make a billion dollars from the climate change industry. Gee, what could that agenda possibly be?"

New study suggests cannabis use by teens damages brain worse than suspected - Yahoo! Canada News

New study suggests cannabis use by teens damages brain worse than suspected - Yahoo! Canada News: "MONTREAL - The effects of daily cannabis use on teenage brains is worse than originally thought and the long-term effects appear to be irreversible, new research from McGill University suggests.
The study, by Dr. Gabriella Gobbi, a psychiatric researcher from the Research Institute of the McGill University Health Centre, suggests that daily cannabis consumption can lead to depression and anxiety.
The new study, published in Neurobiology of Disease, suggests that the reputed 'soft' drug has an impact on serotonin and norepinephrine, compounds which help control mood and anxiety.
Her research team observed that 18 rats exposed to cannabis had decreased levels of serotonin, which affects mood; and higher levels of norepinephrine, which makes one more susceptible long-term to stress.
'These permanent changes in the brain are also linked to certain mental illnesses, like schizophrenia,' Gobbi said in an interview Thursday.
'And we showed that even if we stopped the cannabis use at the end of adolescence, the changes were still detectable in adulthood"

for what it's worth

you are making a mistake

old cafe mates

i knew a girl
who told me that rock-and-roll was her god
her first name was robin
and she called herself
robin roll
i wonder where she is now?

we got into an argument once when she was drunk
while she was chopping vegetables with a 12 inch machete
so I let her win

be free

some words have been going through me for about a month
be free
i want to tell the world
be free

be free
what i mean is freedom from bondage
not freedom from natural life, jobs and marriage and children
but freedom from the bondage of anixiety
freedom from the bondage of addiction
freedom from the bondage of pride or unforgiveness
freedom from the bondage of trying to be an -advertisement of perfection-
be free

it has been said in some chinese proverb
that the cause of suffering is desire
and especially this
i want you all to be free from
free from wanting more
more is just more and more is not enough
so be free

(i write this- not because i am free in every moment- but i am so glad for the moments when i am free- and i want to pass it on)

nothing new

marriage is
a vow
a promise
a choice

hair is my friend

i finally know why i have been growing my leg hair for a month
for today
for minus 37 with wind chill
i'm no fool

i'm starting to have a lot of respect for Eskimos

i saw it today



infinite wisdom and clarity

mind boggling and glorious

the snowflake.

up close

christmas- and christmas

i'm all for yule-tide fires
big red presents
pine needle living rooms
and turkey
i'm all for the Culture of Christmas

what i don't get
is people believing that celebrating Christmas this way
has anything to do with Jesus, or is somehow sufficient spirituality

but I'm glad historians agree that he was at least born
i'm glad some people still want to believe in Jesus and his birth
even if the details are skewed from scripture
because maybe the Christmas Story would lead
the masses to want to know more about
what Jesus is actually all about
what he really said and did
and then maybe they would know him
and believe in him
and then learn that christmas time is really just a burst of hot air
compared to the Truth of life
and then maybe people would celebrate is birth and his life and his death everyday
instead of through vain tradition and holly
that isn't actually Holy at all

O Holy Night Lyrics

O Holy Night Lyrics: "O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of the dear Saviour's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining.
Till He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, the night when Christ was born;
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!

Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
O'er the world a star is sweetly gleaming,
Now come the wisemen from out of the Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friends.
He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger,
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!

Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
With all our hearts we praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,
His power and glory ever more proclaim!
His power and glory ever more proclaim!"

from tweet to squeak

i think the extra 5 pounds i have gained
makes me look less like a bird
and more like a mouse

you have child bearing hips

remembering how many times people told me this in the past
FYI-probably not a compliment

been said

to a child love is spelled T-I-M-E

every day joes

i am one of you


o to be good at something
something that would
buy groceries
is it odd
to feel empathy
for inanimate objects
today i felt sorry for my blender
for working so hard
sometimes i verbally thank my car
for starting
is this sort of like the imaginary friend thing?

the filter

the thing that stops you from saying something really stupid or crude
some of us have better filters than others
some people lose their filter via stroke or something in old age
many small children don't yet have a filter
i think our filters are inherited
which may not be good

Waylon Jennings, Amanda Lyrics- a song i was named after

Waylon Jennings, Amanda Lyrics: "I've held it all inward, God knows, I've tried,
But it's an awful awakening in a country boy's life,
To look in the mirror in total surprise.
At the hair on my shoulders and the age in my eyes.

Amanda, light of my life.
Fate should have made you a gentleman's wife.
Amanda, light of my life.
Fate should have made you a gentleman's wife.

It's a measure of people who don't understand,
The pleasures of life in a hillbilly band.
I got my first guitar when I was fourteen,
Well I finally made forty, still wearing jeans.

Amanda, light of my life.
Fate should have made you a gentleman's wife.
Amanda, light of my life.
Fate should have made you a gentleman's wife."


i hope everyone who reads this
or reads the information and stats
about climate change
also knows that there is other information and stats out there
that conflicts with what obama and gore and suzuki and carbonpayers think

there is data
that actually states that the world is not at all getting warmer
but infact colder
there is information that admits
that perhaps this Climate Change Industry
is all just a sham

i am not here to tell you what to think
i encourage you to educate yourself about these details

some good advice from a saskite

if you find a ditch
stay in it
how cool is this?

10 seeing-eye-dogs
and me
in a pottery studio
getting paw prints

lllllooove it

what we really need here in the english language is some more user friendly words for

so that when we say we love our new shoes

it is a different word than

when we say we love our children


when i say i love vietnamese noodles

it is different than

when i say i love the peace of God


looove it!

when i shared the message
of love
i meant
love something
don't just like it

but i didn't mean
love something that is bad for you
that will rob your soul
i didn't mean
love another woman other than your wife
i didn't mean
love money more than God

love is indeed dangerous

woods tiger

the thing is
you are not the first or only
person to go astray

you are not the first or only
to not have the strength of will to live up to the values
you supposedly hold dear

you are a dust speck among the sands of humanity
who fail
who suck
who make ugly bitter mistakes

you poor foolish dog


and take your bell bottoms with you

dear little autistic boy that got lost

thinking of you today
i am so glad you had your doggy friend to cuddle with
i know your parents are broken of heart
i am sorry you couldn't yell for help

it's a wrap

does anyone not love wrap dresses
the ultimate
go anywhere anytime
cover important bits
no brainer
outfit in one?

it can be done

i finally found a way to get anywhere before 11am

i think this is cool- from a blackberry ad

don't just like

like is watered-down love.
like is mediocre.
like is the wishy-washy emotion of the content.
athletes don't do it for the like of a sport.
artists don't suffer for the like of art.
there is no i like NY T-shirt
and romeo didn't just like juliet

love. now that's powerful stuff.
love changes things.
upsets things.
conquers things.
love is at the root of everything good that has ever happened and will ever happen.


"it's not about the hundred people whose minds you can't change.
it's about the two people you empower"

proverbs ?

the beginning of knowledge is the fear of God

cul de sac

neighborley neighbors who see and know everything

this holiday season

can fat please be phat

i am a sexist

i don't do garbages, or shovel snow, or mow lawns, or change oil,
thats what men do

hello and welcome

this is Canada
southern Canada actually
this is winter
this is what happens
yes the roads are bad
yes its cold
yes it will get colder
no it will not end till mid May

Tiger- what up?

why snorkle in the goldfish pond
when you own your own reef?


me - carbs = dead

dear baby K

get better little man
we miss your sweetness around

ecclesiastes 7:5

it is better to hear the rebuke of the wise, than for a man to hear the song of fools

10,000 East African albinos displaced, in hiding after rash of killings, report says -  News - MSN CA

10,000 East African albinos displaced, in hiding after rash of killings, report says - News - MSN CA: "NAIROBI, Kenya - The mistaken belief that albino body parts have magical powers has driven thousands of Africa's albinos into hiding, fearful of losing their lives and limbs to unscrupulous dealers who can make up to $75,000 selling a complete dismembered set"

Gone with the Wind

have i talked about this book yet?
you need to read this book
more than once


when one coffee a day is not cutting it

yesterday at the 5 year olds birthday party

it makes me want to cry when people don't get my humour


i am remembering the cement sander that some people duct taped
to my bed railings once when i was gone
and in the night with their remote control apparatus
turned it on
it wasn't very funny at the time
ah, 20 - something

Serendipity - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Serendipity - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia: "Serendipity is the effect by which one accidentally stumbles upon something fortunate, especially while looking for something entirely unrelated. The word has been voted as one of the ten English words that were hardest to translate in June 2004 by a British translation company.[1] However, due to its sociological use, the word has been imported into many other languages (Portuguese serendipicidade or serendipidade; French sérendipicité or sérendipité but also heureux hasard, 'fortunate chance'; Italian serendipità; Dutch serendipiteit; German Serendipität; Swedish, Danish and Norwegian serendipitet; Romanian serendipitate; Spanish serendipia)."
when i said that she was Tame
i didn't mean that was a bad thing
just that she was Tame
there is nothing wrong with being Tame

new zealand

a place where
only zany
or so it appears

the answer to all hair woes has been discovered


birthing flashbacks-

mesh underpants- really
muffins and apples-
breastfeeding bully's
giving birth to a negro child (or so I thought- looking at her deep shade of blue body)
doctor sans gloves who tried to push baby back into my uterus as things were "too fast"
epidural bliss (should have started muchhhhh earlier)

and a wiggly strange little mass of perfection that i had no idea what to do with
love begins
are 2 year olds who only nap for 25minutes at a time allowed?


if one dreams about icing
one is obligated to indulge in icing
the following morning

the zoo

like the garden of eden
but with more clothes
and sliding doors

a tip from bubs

when renting apartment with poor heating
place blowdryer and self under blanket
and turn on high

why do i blog?

i have no idea

cathartic maybe?

times that i have called 911

rented place
basement dweller
being attacked by ex
screaming -call 911

car is on fire on deerfoot

small child is lost in the middle of nowhere

rented place
front door broken into
while i lay asleep upstairs

my favorite thing is when 911 is busy

strange but tru

once at a random cafe while working
i told my comrad that i had the perfect manfriend for her
she had just been dumped by her boyfriend for another woman

i told her about my cuz
who had just broken up with his babymom in another city
and i thought they would be perfect

and guess what
when names got exchanged

her boyfriend had dumped her for my cousins baby mom

is that not the strangest thing

just reading this

glory box: "I'll be wondering how you - with your hours at the gym, perfectly maintained hair and skin and nails, and fresh off the fashion-tree duds - has any time for your kids"
hire me
hire me
hire me

grow where i am planted

the other day my painting on the window ledge fell and i thought
thats strange
and then 5 minutes later
my 5 drawer shelf fell and almost crushed my daughter into smitherreens(sp?)
and then I thought
what else will fall
what is going on?
and amidst the wind and falling leaves
another plant fell
out of its place
leaving disarray
which begs the words
take heed lest ye fall

the truth is

you slayed me

you slayed me when you compared apples to oranges
cuz their not the same

you slayed me-right through the heart
when you said you were done
and didn't really miss it

it was like slo-mo
and i acted calm and composed

but the truth is
yes, you may have gained many an orange this year
but by losing that apple
you lost it all
reach out before you bust out
today is the windiest day ever.
today is also a strange day.

you don't even want to know what happened to my skirt in the washroom at work.

i did it

forgive me for commenting on your weight
i never know
who wants to hear the compliment
who wants to hide


so some of my apparent flu symptoms that weren't going away
were in fact directly related to
my protein powder
the makers thought it would be a humorous choice
to add Inulin as a fibre
which sounds good till i discovered
it is a fiber that cannot be digested by humans
yes, yes indeed
i have spent 2 weeks drinking indigestible fibre
i am sure that you can imagine the outcome

sunny much?

am i the only pale one left
the only one left on the whole planet that doesn't go to


i look around the room at any gathering
and i see brown people
from europe

brown shiny happy people
that should be pale and pasty like myself

and so
should i too join the brown people?
i'm feeling lonley and afraid here in Caucasia


time to shop
i say

the less i have to spend
the more i think i deserve
to spend

i say
more latte's
more clothes
a new blender
a new paintbrush
a massage booked

this is so sad and frightening
i know

stop the downward spiral into debt abyss......

14 and pretty

self esteem issues prevail for teenagers
comparisons abound

be free ladies
you're a bunch of babes

to everything there is season

this baby blooms only in november



zero plus zero is zero

i've never been a math wizard
but i realize
that nothin plus nothin is well, nothin

i hope everyone knows that restructuring

is just a polite word for firing people because of financial problems

gargling is not working

but i appreciate the honey advice
from my indian friends
i think it works

aunty clause

i have an aunty
have i told you about her?
aunty clause-
like santa
only better, thinner, less hairy, and available all year round.

how could i have been luckier?


hi. my name is Robin. I was previously living in a fantasy world with my fantasy job. i am now looking for different employment as my hours have been drastically cut due to restructuring. I am wondering if I may potentially break the world record for jobs held by the time i am 40.

living in hole

because I just realized the complexity and insanity of this blog world
it may seem rude
but i never read other peoples blogs
well I read 2 peoples
2 people who I actually see and talk to all the time
but just now for some odd reason
i started looking around on the blogplanet
and i am aghast
they are all connected
all these people
my stuff, eachothers stuff, familystuff
i am feeling
like my underpants were forgotten on the front step
(forgive the metaphor)
I am feeling like

k- i'm over it


come over now and save me from myself
i have a confession to make
i am 31 and don't have a hair-do
is it because i use no products or heating apparatus
is it because i only brush my hair every few days?
is it the mix of straight and curly
or the dreaded BANGs!?
or is it because I refuse discomfort
at any cost

opinions are grrrreat!

my first

dangle art project

to my husbands dismay
as he foresees
our ceilings disappearing
into dangles

made in China

do we have an opinion about this?

do we know enough?

do we care?

remember november

wash hands
wash hands
wash hands


my daughter has joyfully
completed her 3rd

is there enough wall space in this house for the both of us?

Rocky 4

my husband has a new nickname from me
and we both agree
it's suitable
and sometimes
moderately funny.

its kinda like the time

i got hit by the truck while walking across the street
and my feet went up and the apple flew out
and the policeman gave me a nice trip to the Foothills
where I ran into my friend
who convinced me to skip seeing the doc
and entertain her while she got a Brazillian.
that was a strange day.

the four seasons

a must to be heard
to all enlightened ears

hey - if you can't talk about exes what can you talk about?

i remember

eons ago
driving in truck
with then boyfriend
and telling myself
self- you need to trust this guy
and then
being hit by a car
aprox. 30 secounds later

and that was a nice metaphor
for how things turned out

when i am 60 years old

by then maybe
i will stop having bad teenager skin
but probably not till then
bliss baby bliss

in the words of Vanilla Ice

will it ever stop
i don't know
turn on the breaks
and I'll slow

a post dedicated to those who are ill

not just for a day, or a week or two
but those with illness

when i get a flu or cold
i am quickly reminded
of how great my life was previous to falling sick
what it was like to jump sing and survive

and it gets pretty yucky and depressing pretty fast
and i think then about people who are really suffering with real illness
now that would be a real struggle


whats the issue with these things anyway? are we concerned?
i sortof think Halloween is lame

Glory to whom

i have been meaning to say
and not sure when the right time is
i would like to just glorify God
and i don't really know what that means
but I have an idea
so i'm gonna give it a whirl

if I am ever right
ever say the right thing
do the right thing
think the right thing
if I have a talent or a goodness or any likeable-ness about me
if I fail or miss a beat or haven't won every relay
if ever, from me came Light-warmth-Wisdom-Loveliness of any sort
Praise God
If I can function, go to work, look after my kid and have a normal marriage
If I can cook one decent meal- dress appropriately- say Please and Thankyou
even that
is Gods
When I am lucky enough to receive a good or desired outcome
it is not me- my strength, my skill, my hardwork, or smarts (let me assure you)
it is God
and if a veil of difficulty lie in my path
it is God
if a success of any kind comes my way
it is God
and if failure,
the Lord is my God

my heart is presently beating, my breath is presently ebbing,
today is a gift and not my hand can quench it


the topic of the week has been death
fear of death
the fact that we have no control essentially of death coming or when it comes

like someone said to me once when i was speeching them about their eating habits
"i am alive because God is allowing me to be alive, and if we wants me to die- I will die"

the thought of Heavenly Wonderments is not a problem for me
suffering however, is pretty unattractive to me


sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers

Swine flu FAQ -  News - MSN CA

Swine flu FAQ - News - MSN CA: "As of Oct. 28, 2009, at least 62 Canadians have suffered H1N1 flu-related deaths. Health Canada reminds Canadians that different strains of influenze usually result in about 4,000 deaths a year. Measures must be taken to protect yourself from all influenza, not just the current strain, the agency advises."

bored anyone?

come join the rest of western society in the 2009 H1N1 Hysteria
everyone is invited
everyone is getting free popsicles
& no one knows whats going on

the last trump

she is engaged
yay :)

credible and incredible

the difference is wide
i have known many an incredible person
to whom belonged no cred
i know many a credible person
that might be a little less the incredible

beholding art

because of my new job
i work with "artists"
i use that word and cringe
cause i don't know what that means
but they call themselves "artists"
and i am learning a lot about this world
about people and their work
their creations
and today i am going to define Great Art
and tomorrow i might not agree with the definition
but here goes
Great Art is free from fear of criticism

Edmonton hostage recalls ordeal -  News - MSN CA

Edmonton hostage recalls ordeal - News - MSN CA: "Like the gunman, Morrow is a client of the compensation board, recovering from a shoulder injury. This helped build a bond, Morrow said.
'I used everything that I could just to build a rapport with him. Even the cigarettes in the beginning, I think it helped.'
Over the course of the day, hostages were released for health reasons or simply allowed to go to the washroom, from which they didn't return. Police negotiators also provided water, sandwiches and cigarettes, in exchange for the release of others being held. In the end, only Morrow and the gunman remained.
'We did have a handful of cigarettes there, and they were pretty much the clock,' Morrow said. 'The cigarettes were the clock at that point, and when the last one was done, I was hoping he was going to keep his word and walk out with me.'
'Nobody was going to die today'
'I was going to exit first,' Morrow said of the strategy that police and the gunman agreed to. 'They were really worried how it was going to end too. He was to leave the rifle on the table, and when I turned my back and walked out, I kept my ear on that rifle.'
Earlier, Morrow said, he had made the gunman a promise — 'that I would walk out of here with him, and nobody was going to die today.
'Just before I gave him a big hug I just wanted to make sure I could keep walking, get the hell out of there.'"

sorry for the continued sage info but i can't resist
then i read that he was an abusive drug addict
and now i can't decide
if i feel sorry for him or not
maybe he is a shmuck
rice crackers and cream cheese
thats all i gotta say

Edmonton hostage-taking accused weeps in court -  News - MSN CA

Edmonton hostage-taking accused weeps in court - News - MSN CA: "A man accused of taking people hostage at the Workers' Compensation Board building in downtown Edmonton wept during his first appearance in court Friday morning."

K- so I don't usually comment on the news etc. but... the other morning when i heard about this man- this is what I thought...I'm just gonna play -advocate for a secound here.

its 8:30 AM. this poor whatever probably did not sleep the night prior...he also probably did not eat. he spent the night going crazy- feeling unheard and alone and stressed to the max because he has no money and no cheques coming in because he can't get timely response from WCB. meanwhile the economy isn't exactly booming in his skilled area and if he really is in pain and can't afford whiskey or tylenol- he was probably pretty grumpy. he obviously had a firearm handy which is the main problem (i am sure if more canadians had more firearms handy there would be way more incidentsS like there are in the states..but thankfully most of the time when we are so angry that we want to point a rifle to someones head- we don't actually have one)...so he goes to the WCB building and well the sun starts coming up and maybe the light of day is starting to make him doubt his choice..but what are you going to do now when your on the 8th? floor with a rifle or two in tow... your gonna go through with it... I think it is absolutley amazing that this guy did not kill anyone being that the standoff lasted the entire day- by then we wouldn't have slept in over 24 hours or had anything to eat...that happened to me once (the no sleep or food thing) and I was not a sane person who could make proper choices...anyway...my other thought is this... i have been in paperwork-redtape-onhold for hours-talking to answering machines-people who don't give a_-people who live in other time zone- using my last minutes on my cell phone- can't get a response- not sure how to pay the rent- types of situations....and you know what- I am very surprised that what happened the other morning does not happen WAY more often. I actually feel really sorry for the poor shmuck- now he's screwed- but atleast he gets free room and board in jail- a happy ending after all...)

obama rama

and more in politics

this young chick yesterday wearing an Obama T-shirt (bobmarleyesq)
but um
isn't he still a newby
obama wins the nobel peace prize last week
but um
what has he actually done

i like obama - and I hope he meets the heights of greatness
that already greet him

people want a hero

i say - give it a few years- give him a chance to be a real hero

dear diaper fAIRY

what a strange sense of humour you have
to do that again
wet through tights and 2 skirts


trucks who are undercover superheros
who think that ice
does not exist
and who think
no one else is on the road
especially not
me and my daughter in our teeny chevy

proverbs 16:25

there is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end therof are the ways of death
i love baby birthday parties

found someone to share the rest of my orange paint with

paint the town orange
why is it when i finally do something for someone else
it is always better for me
like in return
i get more back


i heard about someone who lost their faith
and may have found it again

and you know what
i understand
and it happens

faith sees what the natural eye cannot see

thank you to those who fight their battles in prayer

whats with all this positivity?

today i heard a few things

i heard to relax- if you are in Gods Will- then relax and trust

I heard- be free..sin is bondage- so choose to not sin and be free

i heard a cheezy song that went like this " I'm ok- I'm alive, it's easy to count your sorrows and scars, but not me- I'm alive and thats good enough for me"

i heard another cheezy song that went like this "out of the blue- everything can change"

whats with all the music? i never listen to music. but today on my way home from my grandmas house 1.5hrs away with my daughter whining the entire way- I turned on the radio and the only channel that didn't sound like darktemptous music was of course Country 105. so i am not a country fan- but today I was like..maybe I should be...


is the word of the week
ultra- like uber
but better
ultra like
the gold bubbled crema from your espresso machine
ultra like perfect clay on the wheel
ultra like whipped cream
moments that are actually easy
moments when things are flowin
things are tuned in and turned on
the perfect color, the best bite, the right word
Ultra baybee

less sabi more wabi-can it be?

to know me
means to know
i'm a bit of a skeptic
a bit of a cynic
a bit of a -ya right
and um
i'm afraid to say
that things have been going really good
like really
i was actually sortof glad this morning when i got stressed and irritated
because atleast i knew that things were still normal
i don't know if it's the job, or finally cleaning off the birthsleeplesscobwebs,
or what- I was thinking maybe it's the spinach smoothies
my husband and I have been getting along fabulous
which if you know anything about my life
you know that is definitely a miracle
so ah
today when i asked someone how they were
and she said - fabulous
today I was like ya-i know what you mean
sorta freaky

to all my overachieving marathon runner friends

its none of my business but,
why run when you can sit?
why run when you can shop,sleep,canoe,walk,paint,talk,have nice toe nails?

arn't there enough goals in life
why make more?

I don't know
I guess it's just not my thing

Christians of the World

Did you all get the memo
that Christians and racism don't mix.


dust in the refrigerator?
since spinach and blueberries contain antioxidants
which fight free radicals
which cause wrinkles
in 3 years after I have had 1,000
spinach and blueberry smoothies
I figure I will look
about 10 years old

something I heard a few weeks ago

it's not about what we are giving up
but what we are receiving

another diddy by leonard cohen

and a deeper silence
when the crickets

(have i already shared that one)
how bout-

with Annie gone
whose eyes compare to the setting sun
not that I did compare
but I do compare
now that she's gone

life before Hope

what was it?

christmas presents

here we go
diversity of opinions
lots of gifts
no gifts
no santa
no tree

at my house we have no tree and no santa
we might have WINTER lights that sometimes are seen as Christmas lights
we will have some gifts

in my world at Gifttime- one should always receive what one needs or really wants
one should not receive things they don't need or want
this is really stupid
because someone is spending real money and essentially it is a waste
so in my world
we communicate
like I say "so what are you getting me for christmas...? this is what I want...)
this solves a lot of problems
and saves a lot of money
how do you politely tell someone
that really
they smoke too much weed
and really
their parallel universe is not that parallel
love begets love

black sea

the sea of black
and go buy
a different


I just had to edit my job list as 5 more came to mind
and I am realizing that I have had a tonne of jobs
those don't even include the ones that I didn't show up for my first day

what does this mean
not much I hope

Somehow I still manage to make my resume look awesome
thats all that matters

The thing is
the job I have now is my dream job- really.

jobs I have had-that I can remember


Satronics(telemarketing...3 weeks in the cops came to inquire as my boss was a felon)

Pantorama (o-ya baby)



Nanny- (the mom was a highclass prostitute)

My Donair(my boss offered me $5,000 to marry her brother from Iran)

Kaffa Coffee and Salsa House(4 years)

Buffalo Cafe

Juans Mexican Resturante


My Favorite Pizza Place

Panda Daycare(3 days)

Student Painting


Swimsuit Store

Think Twice


Candle Store

Chintz and Company

The Tarjan Group- Architecture Firm YDEWTK

Supported Lifestyles

Calgary Stampede

Tony Romas

My Favorite Candy Store

Chroma Clothing

U Frame It

Domestic Goddess

Please Mum

Society for Treatment of Autism


line from Pump up the Volume

"I can smell a lie like a fart in a car"

sounds gross maybe
but my mind often resorts to this quote
because I indeed
have had my senses exercised

I hope you want clay for christmas

where we are at 19months


95th %tile for height&weight



Have I told you that
when I was 20
my mom told me that I had a sister

which she had given birth to
before my dad, before being married, before being old enough

so I was no longer an only child at 20
and I have an older sister now
who looks like my daughter

friends with sisters

i am learning that women with sisters
have readymade friends
and maybe have a full caseload of business and socializing already

but I'm an only
and need my friends

which makes me want to blog -

the other day
friend and I having discussion
about aging

and she is realizing
that it is not as easy as she thought it would be
she doesn't love wrinkles and sagging and greyhairs
and she understands why people fight this

and well, so far on this aging journey
which I indeed am on
with dullface and crowsfeet
I don't really care

I have seen many a grey haired babe at 40
many a sagging classy fox at 50
many a confident smart welldressed vixen at 60

I'm kinda glad to be done 20 year old competitions
and I am working at being done with 30 year old competitions

I understand wanting to be perky and shiny
but I think its really sad
if thats all we are

i'm blushing

a real person from planet earth
that I have actually met in real life
other then sharmy
posted on my blog
not just a lurker
but a real person.
i'm blushing
(it doesn't take much)
i'm sortof getting bored with this blogging thing.
and i am feeling boring
cause I could dish more and share more opinions
but for what purpose?
so that my one reader will find me opinionated
so that I will later regret my offhanded words of judgement...
i don't know
i'm on the verge of pressing the Ol'Delete Button
much like I annihilated my FB

have i mentioned

that my job is soo awesome
and really i'm not just saying that.
i was told,
i am there for funk value
some leaves are still green when they fall off the tree

you know you are a nut bar when

you go into your friends MSN account and FB account
behind their back

not a project person

some people always have a project
maybe because they like that
maybe because they are afraid of stopping
i am usually running from projects
but latley
projects and I are friends
and we are dancing around
and enjoying one another
to be too busy
is a spiritual problem
we heard
i am copying what i read on someone elses recent blog
that essentially
it is impossible to please everyone
so instead we need to only make sure
that we have peace
we are living our peace

this time

the nurse
said exactly what i wanted to hear
she said
you gotta do what you gotta do, and
you will know when to change
ah, thank you
she was a mother as well
Are we
willing to do the Will of God
live the Word
in everyway?

orange wall of fire

is complete
and somehow
makes my house
feel like my home


my daughter is at the Teddy Stage
must have teddy
must kiss teddy
must sleep with teddy
rock teddy nighnigh


with 12 -8 year old boys
at 10 AM

there is this girl

that i never see or talk to
like maybe once every 4 years
and everytime i talk to her
this chick is hilarious
really really hilarious
love those people

master orange

trying to get the shade
of perfection
for the living room wall


got new fab job
clay painting with kids
sounds good to me

things i don't get

i don't get
that people like riding their bikes
i don't like it at all

i don't get
that people like to golf
i don't get it

all my leisure activities are leisure
there is no work or skill required
in any of my enjoyable activities

things that make me feel good regardless

morning smoothie
a walk in the shade
my morning coffee

kenny had it right

you gotta know when to hold em
know when to fold em
know when to walk away
know when to run
waves go up and down
seasons come in and out
some days are really super
others heavier
cornucopia of life
is all i've ever known
and believe it's

thank you

for the sweet peas
clothes and Vietnamese cuisine,
for your effort to me;
despite our unfortunate commonalities
you are a friend

when to stop

when we know someone is having a difficult time
busy and struggling
and we call and call
and call
and sometimes get through
but never get our calls returned
even though we love this person
when do we stop?
do we?


does anyone want to pay me
1500 bucks a month
just to exist?


I could be your muse?


I can't stand this spelling
of the word
your or
it's so

am i the last to know?

that in order to actually absorb Iron
we need to take it with Vitamin C

and Ditto Bvits and Calcium

The Lion and the Lamb

I think it is a good thing
if both of these
live within us
and lead at the appropriate time

Sometimes we think that only a Lamb is necessary
but I beg to differ
Lions have their place


our insides are the same
we have a heart and guts

we heard

goliath was big with a small heart
david was small with a big heart

the battle of the bangs

you probably know
i was fighting a battle
the battle of the bangs
wanting them
but staving off the wretched desire
i lost the battle in early July
and since then
i am reminded daily as to why
i should never have got them in the first place
right now i am at the bobbypin all the time stage
only worsened by the fact
the bangs are growing
thus creating a rather interesting rooster effect on the top of my head

ah. bliss

clarify the cigarette comment

i think smoking is pretty gross
for obvious reasons
and smokers breath is equally gross
as is smokers stinky clothes, hair, and home
not to mention it is an expensive luxury
like maybe quit smoking and save a starving child
i totally get it
and i totally get why people do it
and i totally know why they can't stop

I was a smoker
the kind that likes smoking and intends on smoking forever
much to my mothers dismay as she offered to pay me $1,000.00 to quit
which I ignored
I was a smoker
until things changed

and so, I get it
but it's not proper
and maybe even worse

tough old bird

a term referring to
usually a strong older women
who is sometimes overly abrasive and aggressive

I know a few

one comes to mind- my greatgrandmother on my dads side
widow twice- and both while relatively young
leaving her and her 10 children to run a farm
during the depression
while wild Indians(forgive the term)
would beg for food out the back door
and she would throw them scraps in the winter
when kittens and puppies were drowned to death
to spare them starvation
when literally a hunk of coal was given for christmas
when the death of the spouse meant relief from childbirth and physical abuse

these realities
one becomes a tough old bird
and how well, my grandma too became a tough old bird
and so knowing apples and trees like to stay close together
I hope that if I am ever tough
it is only for good
and well balanced
with a large dose of mercy and sweet

radish anyone?

so I eat basically everything
including -like today I had Kraft Dinner
and no, I don't read the ingredients
but I do make myself feel better by adding
broccoli and cottage cheese
and finishing it off with a splendid

actually, I hope nothing is wrong with me
cause I have been craving radishes like crazy
and eating swarms of them
and it leaves a nice after taste
much like a cigarette- )

This is the whole reason I wanted to Blog in the first place

I wanted to Blog
because i wanted to talk about
childbirth and afterhours of childbirth
but I have yet to have the words or clarity of thought
to say just the right thing
so I'm gonna just say something

I do not know what your experience was like
and you do not know what mine was like
you don't know

Sometimes what mercy is - is showing kindness support and gentleness even and especially when we don't understand why or what the needy one needs

personal opinion about names for children

everyone has some idea of the perfect name for their children
and i am sure we don't all agree on what is perfect or appropriate or proper- ahem

so i will gently say
why name your child after something that has negative connotations?

you know what
i'm chickening out of this Blog
I am gonna drop out of this
before I offend someone


speaking of spell check- i can never for the life of me figure out how to spell definetly- definetley-definetly - deffinetly-
did you all know alot is spelled a lot
why do i care?

there is a person

A person who recently entered my life and I really want her to like me and my daughter
and I am afraid that she won't
But I like her
so hopefully that counts for something

neglecting my duties and blogging about shoes

Has anyone noticed that I have not worn highheels for more then 5 minutes since I had my child.
I have
I have noticed that my Birks live on my feet and the tan lines prove it
I have noticed that somehow I have convinced myself that every outfit goes with Birks

But for some reason on Sunday I had some courage
and I wore heels-Gasp
and I was reminded as to why silly women do this almost everywhere
my legs looked better
my outfit looked better
and people were nice to me ())
no really- I even got compliments on my sallyanne handmedown makeshift outfit
-because of
the Heels
and so I am passing on my discovery for the few women left on the planet
who may not have come to this conclusion
Pumps look good
and so maybe sometime next year I will wear them again

Dear Diaper Fairy

Why was my daughters diaper on crooked today in church?
Why did she pee all over me, and why O why
did it run down my leg?

K- as in Okay

I can spell if I want to
I can use capitals if I want to
I can use spell check
I can use commas and semi-colons properly to my hearts desire
I know when to use italics usually

but sometimes I am having a dumb day or a lazy day- or the usual- I just don't care

But, I am now realizing sadly that many people cannot spell or punctuate
even if they graduated from highschool
(its all making sense now as i write this- i didn't actually learn this stuff in highschool, I learned it out of fear and desperation in university when I was over my head early on)
I am aghast at the spelling of would-be job holders on Kijiji!
Goodness- no you can't be my nanny- you can't even spell!

Now lets not be proud and snotty here people
I have scads of leeway(sp?)) for busy mothers and pregnant women
I just think if you are actually looking for employment that maybe you would want to appear well versed or atleast mainstream.

so speaking of art

i have a passion
for something i have never done
(i think thats pretty common)

I deeply desire to make stain glass art projects that dangle from the ceiling

maybe someday

right now i just need a job)


Proper is an old word that I have been using a lot to describe something that is Right(in my eyes) but not necessarily in the spiritual sense ie.

It might not be a sin to forget to recycle but it's not Proper
It might not be a sin to not call someone back but it's not Proper
It might not be a sin to eat only microwaveable meals but it's not Proper

I would not consider myself a particularly Proper person
but I do seem to have my Proper boundaries

Like when an 8 year old is rude to their parents friends -that is not Proper
Or when someone leaves their car lights on and we don't tell them- that is not Proper
Or not going to the dentist for a decade- not Proper

I am starting to laugh at myself now thinking of how many things that I do that many people would find very improper...

boots that go over the knee

are so in
and super interesting to look at
and might come in handy with a skirt
but are they too sleazy?
maybe flat brown ones would be ok


so there is this house i have been lusting after
in an amazing location
small and french and gorgeous
and today was the Grande Opening
and -not like I have any training in Design-
but whoever clothed this beautiful architectural specimen
did a terrible job
and totally missed the point and plan of the actual design of the home
AHHHHHHHHHHggGG! total let down
just because 'modern' sounds cool- doesn't make it the best style choice
in fact I would dare say 'modern' design is often novice and boring
hello suburban builders

update on Organic Milk

too expensive
tastes gross

the fall is coming

september september
we all remember

longer shadows
winds that bite
angled sunshine
shiny moon
better sleeps
loving to do nothing
nothing but wander
up the street and back

themost wonderful place on earth

is the farmers market sans the coffee
loove it! looove it!
want to live there
and listen to the wooden flute
and pet the oversized dog
and eat the oversized peaches
and smile modestly at the Hutterites
what you love
is not always
what is good


is a neo term
for a neo type
of lady stuck
two roads of travel

be different

be nice

i heard that said once
be different be nice
and i am starting to see
that it is rare and wonderful
to know people
who are consistently


sounds like fun
except when you must pay for something

fret not

when making Curry
without plain yogurt
feel free to use vanilla yogurt
it tastes great

so i was writing that i never do anything

and i realized that
i work
so that might have something to do with it

i think i have mentioned that i am frugal

which is a nice word for cheap

i am so proud of my Winners purchases

baby skirt- 3$

Ornan the Jebusite

just kept working


conversation re. our relationship with God etc.
and the need that we would not be vain and that we would just be natural and simple
sounds lovely- it is lovely
then the conversation went to
i'm all for not dying my hair and having piercings and tats-
but what about armpit hair and leg hair and dry lips...

and then later i was thinking
really we all have to find the right balance
that gives Peace
because- i think this is a rather complex area

2 things your therapist will tell you to never do

1- Mind Read- when we Think we can Mind Read- we will go loony- cause we can't actually do this and we should not assume we know what people are thinking.

2- Catastrophic Thinking- imagining the worst all the time..worst possible outcomes- essentially paranoia. not usually rational

home body

i guess thats what i am
cause when i look at all the other blogs out there
i realize i am doing nothing and going nowhere
well, except inside my head
which gets a little mundane for you folks

but i am happy for all you interesting
carpe diem types

my most recent painting

is a casual glance at Monet
and i really enjoy it

how do you comfort the mourning?

mocking anyone?

i am trying to learn to not mock
i actually just found out what mocking meant last week
and found out that it's a sin
and so am feeling like i need to work on that
and i am realizing that i mock all the time
and chalk it up as funny
sorry people and planet
if i have mocked you unknowingly in the past
i think maybe mocking and sarcasm have a lot in common
and i still really like sarcasm...
hopefully thats ok :)

vitamin D

so its funny that i care less about sunny days
cause according to my recent blood tests
i need to care
i am D deficient

some one else

i know someone right now who works fulltime to support their young brother
and their mother who is dying/fighting with cancer
and their father who fought in 2 wars- Chechnya and Afghanistan- and who has so much pain from the fighting that he is unable to work

having said all that-

once i met a girl from mexico city
and we became friends in an evening
and i told her at the end of the evening
that i would come and see her within the year

i don't know why i said that
for some reason i believed it would occur
all the while knowing that i was unemployed
and hated flying and had no desire to go to mexico whatsoever
and then i forgot that i said that

and then about 11months later
my girlfriends wanted me to come with them on a trip
and i didn't want to go- really
but one of them made their boyfriend send me on his airmile points
and for some reason they could not get me a flight directly
and i had to switch planes in mexico city
which would be an overnight stay
and so sometimes
things happen

Man there is a tonne of christians out there

all different shapes and sizes

not the same

my favorite T-shirt

i wear too much, have had it too long, and its worn out, and still it makes me happy
its sword and rose and floral romance
makes me feel like i'm a love avenger

truly done with quantum physics

i've talked about it before and now i want to get specific
quantum physics- you know - the concept that what we think will come to be:
the absurd idea/philosophy that somehow we are in control of the universe- our environment- what happens to us-


so in the case of ions this appears to be true based on what we ie. smart scientific people know about neutrons etc. whatever - complex but simple- anyway

the problem with this idea is that people think
that they must think positively
that thinking positively is the answer
the Truth
the next religion- the positive religion
"because if one thinks positively then one will effect the future for good"- BAAHAHAAHH
"if we think about good things then good things will happen to us "

so fine- this is better then thinking negatively
i am not suggesting that
that would make the good days bad and that's really stupid

my problem with this positive religion
is simply that
its become a religion
because its easy and feels good
but that doesn't make it Truth

again, i am not suggesting that we become critical complaining negative people
and i am not suggesting that we doubt God or doubt Goodness or even doubt ourselves

i just think its asinine to suppose that the reason there are Tsunamis and Poverty and Hate Crimes and Hail Storms and Starvation is because enough people are not thinking enough positive thoughts

and so,
if i want to say my coffee doesn't taste good
well maybe it doesn't
maybe my coffee really in reality does not taste good like it usually does
and so,
i will say- my coffee doesn't taste good
and this is not a sin
its reality
and if i say it tastes good to satisfy the positive religious police
then i would be lying
and my coffee still would not taste good

i really hope that its true

that in weakness we can be made strong
cause the weak in me
is all and only to be seen

last night

you were in my dream again
but this time
we both knew
that you had gone

i want to write your name here again and again

maybe this is why no one close to me has ever died
because its too much for me

you and i were not really anything to eachother
and only now i am letting go

decision making

its interesting
how people come to their decisions
about life
about jobs and babies and who to marry and when
about what to wear and how to do ones hair
its interesting

which is why i was never good at math
(how do these stories go together you ask?)

well because
ever since i was ticking
i made decisions simply by what felt right
and if that led to confusion
i would pray

and in math class
answering the question by what felt right
usually meant -fail
and when i prayed that i would pass- ...fail
math is not about intuition
and hence my decision making skills had to be mixed with
knowledge and skill

and so i wonder
how we decide

better to be broken

than to be powder

had the strangest dream

last night
about you

you were angry
that you were
and wanted to take it out on me

have i mentioned

i am soo thankful
my husband is employed

a dear friend

last time i saw her she was mentioning her new Chanel Ear Bobs
and today,
well- it was quite the opposite

Life has a way

have i mentioned

i am sooo thankful
for running water

to a dreamer

my cousin
to work for a newspaper
in Uganda

i hope you are aware
of the other side

i hope you are street wise

repeating a quote

if you give people a peice of your mind- you lose your peace of mind

sunday afternoons

are the quietest longest deepest times

and i have heard this confirmed by many a non believer


which brings me to her

and my prayer

that there would be a hedge about her

can i just say

thank you for my house and my dishwasher and my job and my car that hasn't fallen apart yet
thank you for Canada
thank you for the breeze
thank you for Tylenol
bathtubs with hot water
a new back yard
sleep- my favorite
my husband and his job and his car that hasn't fallen apart yet

i don't want to know

i am not a vegan -or an organic addict- or an overly foody know it all
because i don't want to know the truth
because i would starve to death
i have been down that road and it got really depressing
and i got really poor
eating only perfect pure happy eats

however- by accident i read something today about milk- that i won't even repeat
and tomorrow i will only be buying Organic milk thank you very much

maybe got rid of the rain jacket a bit too quick

i am laughing that the weather network is calling for rain this entire week
laughing because well
because i am not crying
i don't mind
its been a long summer
(which i have been told is false)

should have kept the rain jacket


maybe i need to do a cleanse


asked me once if i had an RSP account
and he was offended deeply when i told him that i didn't need one
because "i was lucky"
looking back i probably could have come up with something that sounded more astute
but still i save nothing
like zero
(i mean i can save when i spend- but not just save)
so why don't i mature a little and start saving
or something
because i cannot think past next week
and that is the truth


what am i going to be when i grow up?


i need a break-prefer on a lake

thank you for different people

who look different
eat different
talk different
dress different
parent differently

i am so thankful that there is diversity on this green earth
there is usually more than one way of doing things

people of my work

jehovah witness
christian baptist
christian- were saved
i'm special
i am a rock star
anglosaxons plus
chronic pain sufferers X2
depressed a few
autistic-a bunch
young mostly
dreamers all

i think i need

a bunch of things
i really do need them
i think
i really want lots of things
and well

more is just more
and more is not enough

i want to learn to love to live like a simple person
encourage is what i want to do
even though sometimes i fail at this

my mom used to say- and now i believe

puppies and babies make the world go round
you cannot lead where you will not go


the cause of suffering is desire


i am so happy for those who receive their promise


i'm feeling bad about my message about doing drugs
because if you know me you would know that i have
zero reason to be pointing fingers in that department
in other words
i did some drugs in my youth

but maybe thats why i am so opinionated about them now
i really think they're terrible
i have seen many people go to the gutter because of drugs
ruin their life their youth their potential

and sometimes their children

when it comes to addiction
it is serious business
not just things you smoke
but alcohol, pornography, and such
this stuff robs lives ruins minds
its actually pretty sad

my dolly


do you smoke weed? does your husband?
many people do
old people smart people poor people
its not actually legal
and well doesn't really fit with your professed Christian lifestyle
especially because you are now in your thirties
and have kids

some ugly phases
need to be passed

do you snort cocaine?
do you think that your kids will not want to do that if you are?
do you think that they won't know?

is it actually cool?

some ugly phases
need to be passed

i learned that

the staircase is actually going down
not up
i need to go down the steps
not up to higher heights

decided to cut down on coffee

and thus having a hard time formulating thought

i really like church

i really like going to hear the gossple preached
i like to go to church
the definition of church is simply - people meeting together for worship
in the bible they met in homes
i do that too
sometimes i listen to preachers and i hear them speak what is in the bible
and i have a lot of peace
and much comfort
knowing that what i need- i have
i know where to go
i believe the bible is truth. the truth
i trust in a/the Holy Spirit

A tough pill to swallow - Sympatico / MSN Green

we may not all have a degree in ecology- but here is a simple snippit of something i stubbled upon a while ago. this may not seem like a big deal to us or you now.
this is huge. this is talking about the androgeny of the ecosystem...the animal kingdom.
as the male species slowly die off and become unisexual this has huge implications for the entire flow of the natural universe.. it also may explain other things...hmmm
too much estrogen everywhere will make for major craziness...we know it causes some cancers and one article passed onto me tied a connection between it and autism..
AHHH! panic now and avoid the rush!!!

A tough pill to swallow - Sympatico / MSN Green: "It’s easy to see why the birth control pill is the most popular contraceptive in Canada: discrete packaging that fits into a woman’s purse, convenient once-a-day administration and an effectiveness rate of 99 per cent if taken correctly. But in recent years, alarming results of environmental studies have come to light that may have eco-conscious women second-guessing the pill as their chosen method.

University of New Brunswick researcher Karen Kidd and her team spent two years spiking lakes with synthetic estrogen to mimic the effect of estrogen that is expelled in urine and winds up in wastewater. They found that the hormone was interfering with the reproductive systems of male minnows; in effect, the fish had become “feminized.” David Janz, a professor at the University of Saskatchewan, has spent the past 15 years studying the sustainability of Canada’s native fish populations and has observed eggs growing in male fish. Janz notes that the physiology of a fish is remarkably similar to that of a human. “I always say, if you’re concerned about water quality, go ask the fish. They live there.”"
crayola farted at my house

so if you actually read all of those 120 things

i can tell you that i do now have a car with insurance
i had mosquito netting over a bed
i went on a canoe sortof and did go to NYC
i made a pottery set sans forks(too difficult)
i am an aunt and mother and i did get married
i went across Canada on the greyhound(well to Quebec City)
i do count to 10 and beyond when impatient
i went to SanFran
i have a porch and i blow bubbles almost everyday at work(sensory for kids)
i have very long hair right now
i got purple suede boots in 07
and i do love my age

i haven't been trying to actually do this list- but its funny what is being accomplished anyway...if you even want to call them accomplishments...

2 years later list continued

then in 2005 i added 25 more things to my list:

"Long Hair
Purple Suede Booties
Paris again for more than a day
Really Rad Trustworthy Good Friends
Find a job that really works for me
Find a man who really works for me
Lose flying fear
God in all choices
Learn how to do my part for the workers
Learn how to do my part for the environment
Lose fear of cooking
Love being a woman
Love my age
Lose unproductive stress
Live away for real
Paint for real
Really nice lingerie
Get married and have a great big wonderful wedding
Have beautiful strong babies
Get another degree
Work Out
Do not dwell in dark places
See Miracles Everywhere
Never not be me, from the inside out
Never be numb"

list continued

"remain an average lake
not accept position #64
somehow make yummy chocolate cookies that are good for you
own a car and have insurance in alberta
rollerblade ever
have a battery operated toothbrush that has levels one to ten
do what I say or say less or something
do not fear physics
lose concern for the judgment of others
eat donairs from A and A with sharmilla
eat shark- if it is an option
have a craft room
wear a hat to a wedding(not baseball)
learn how to use the mini yellow pages
have a good long distance plan
have mosquito netting over a bed in my house
learn which gut to trust
write a childrens book
scubadive- where there are rainbow fish or colorful(whatever they are called)
know the rest of God( rest as in calm/peace)
empire state
liberty the statue
taj mahal
direct a play
perform once more
entire pottery set with forks
lawn furniture sculptor replicating naked ones
see a penguin- not in a zoo
be an aunt
dress up as a cowboy and attend the calgary stampede
bake a big cake—like really big---the jump out of kind
steak in texas
grande canyon camping.
A night at sea...witha life jacket or water wings
Know a vacant beach and pretend its mine
Give time and money and smiles
Drink tea with Thyra
Be a friend
Be a daughter who is an example
Remember that we decide how others treat us
Have a healthy mom
Grow long eye lashes miraculously
Be on a butterfly farm
tap dance
spend an hour in an elevator.........(note dots)
(90-100 were made up between me and a 5 year old- so not sure that they count)

list continued

"Realize I am lucky
Ride a horse twice a week for 6 months
Across canada
north yukon. Nwt
fire pit in backyard
photography- do a show—white picket fences, that are decrepid
wall mural
have a breakfast party- invite handicapped people
speak spell sing spanish
iceland on a donkey
moss garden
own a large gong- for all the shows that come and go
count to 10 instead 3 when I am impatient
own a 6 toed cat
have large tree house in my backyard- many big trees with berries—or maybe just raspberry bushes
do a perfect cartwheel
convention in france
remember those that pass by
life is fragile
remove warts
hug more
its all about the VW van
or red pickup truck
put faith where doubt reigns
don’t take self too seriosly"

to do list

k for some reason i am having hard time posting this. i found this in my inbox from march 2003- a list of 100 things to do before i die.

sanfran...........................that rhymes
marathon- or long walk
ocean dipping with skinny involvement
ballet lessons again
Teach art to the 5 year old population
Be a mom
Apple pie- just once
Garden with carrots
Deck off bedroom
Porch –big
Sabastian – a dog that doesn’t know how to bark
Visit the fatherless and the widows in their affliction
Vancouver island for a month or a year
Singing lessons or piano –whichever seems more promising
Blow bubbles"

authentic life

having a conversation yesturday
with a quasi teacher
and some things rang true

to pray
to live from that place
of prayer
our connection with God

that everyone is on a journey
that God is working with everyone

to be free
to trust
to submit
Thy Will Be Done


God is Light and in him is no darkness at all
Jesus is the Light of Life

Light will always win over darkness
within and without


k- if a dog or cat pisses on the rug- use this

but if you want Fresh air- open the window

this stuff is full of chemicals and does not increase the air quality of any space
if you have asthma or if you smoke this stuff is the worst thing for "airing" out
i actually think that within the next 5 years this stuff will be taken off the market
for being proved as a health and safety concern


i have never known someone really well and watched them die of cancer or anything like it
i have also never known anyone really well who died with a tragic surprise

but i was morbidly thinking the other day that there must be something special about having the chance and opportunity to say Goodbye. to ensure peace with God and man.

when all is said and done


so this person was telling me the other day that they have ADHD
and I was like
how do you know
and when she told me the symptoms
i was like
sounds like everyone i know
including myself

so i would like to inform all you people
that you have ADHD
attention deficit hypersensitivity disorder
i find it refreshing when a Doctor admits that he doesn't know the answer
i find it refreshing when a Minister admits that they are not sure about something

i found it encouraging the other day when a friend admitted that she didn't know the way- the next step- but that she would look and trust in God

i really like knowing that i am not the only person on the planet that sometimes and maybe often doesn't actually have it all figured out and frankly is just trying to keep it real from one day to the next

man is but dust


my mom is still alive
she is a medical miracle
she is held together by much that is artificial
and Gods timing
she finally got her firstaid(what are those called?) necklace in the mail today
of which they could not fit all her pertinent details on it

pump up the volume

for anyone who doesn't know
i grew up watching wayy too much T.V
like wayy too much

and i am glad that i now don't have a T.V
not because i think T.V is evil in itself
but because it is a time robber
and often feeds us with nothing
it is dead. often addictive. and gives a false sense of reality

but when i did feast often
and watch movies
Pump up the Volume
was the coolest movie ever

having said that

i do understand
and prefer to not have people talk about me behind my back

and i do prefer to not have hideous pics of me posted on the internet

to you my friend who is far away

i miss you
i worry about you


i don't have any secrets
i may not blog about all my issues and drama
but if i met you in real life
and you asked me about anything
i would tell you


i don't understand secrets
i understand choosing to not gossip about others
or keeping a secret for someone else

but for me
i don't get it

i think that if we fear sharing
something, then that something
has power over us

thank you

to the friend who reminded me
that we need not fear "losing it"
cause we "don't have it" in the first place

honk your horn

i honk my horn
i honk for safety
i honk to communicate
to warn
to inform
i honk when i am happy and when i am not so happy
honking is not personal
i am happy when someone honks at me when i am sitting at a green light

the other day i was in a vehicle with a bad driver
and we almost got hit by a car
and i said - why didn't you honk your horn'
and she said- oh, i don't get road rage'
and i was like-what are you talking about? what does road rage have to do with honking?

i also believe the kindly wave when someone lets you in
i think strollers and shopping carts and wheel chairs should also have horns

this book is wayyy to funny

this little piggy went to prada


i like it
i like the smell
i like the greenery etc.
i like summer clothing

but- i am not a summer worshipper
i am not a sun worshipper
truth be told i like grey days
i like rainy days
i like snowy days
i like fall
i like cold breezes
i love shade

i am afraid to admit that last week i was missing frost

one thing that i know for sure is that i cannot tolerate being too hot
i mean cannot tolerate
like i am gonna faint- can't talk- can't stand
truly am suffering

so thats my sortof boring blog about summer


was cool in 1988
and his music is still cool

but lest we forget
the dude was a tad shady

possible pedophile
plastic surgery addict
black man made white?
super weird
in every way


"love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. if you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. wrap it up carefully round with hobbies and littles luxuries; avoid all entanglements. lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. but in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. it will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. to love is to be vulnerable.

c.s. lewis"

july 2nd 2004. sent to my inbox-

"lets be clear about a couple things here.... you are not better orworse than anyone, just different. and not even that different.Your heart works. It loves and laughs and gets crushed. You are maybe not the kinda girl who will live in one house or have one job for the rest of your life, but you are more grounded in truth than most people I know and that is supposed to matter more than anything else. I don'tknow how to make you believe that though, when you are living here now today in this life..... Those sunny smiles that everyone else have pasted on their face is not them handling life better than you... it is them not handling life at all... and maybe just pretending better. But you are not stuck here robin, and there is no such thing as a mistake. There are just choices, and some are better than others, and some you'll wish you hadn't have made, but that is called LIVING. this is life, and we don't get that much of it, so live the way you have to to get through and don't worry about the naysayers... they will always be there, and yes sometimes for your own good.... but ultimately it's up to you. Up to You. and i know you'll do the right thing if the right thing is revealed. but i love you regardless so go sit on the beach and paint and have barefeet and flowers in you hair... whatever it takes."
"You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you, Peter Pan. That's where I'll be waiting. - Tinkerbell"
"your mind your humour your smile your spirit your heart your beauty your conviction your courage your dreams your support your goals your future your past your absolute breathtakingly important existance inspires me and is no less than a miracle- a shooting star.


"Gemeinschaft macht gemein” – “community makes common (crude)” and warned of the dangers of a society where mass-values are so strong that they can deaden even the strongest conscience.
Without an active prayer life we lose strength of character and succumb to what sociologists call herd instinct: we fall prey to fear of others, to ambition, to the desire to please people. Without prayer, the constant traffic and opinions of people around us will swamp our inner lives and finally drown them. We think we are our own masters, but in actual fact many of us cannot think for ourselves, let alone pray, anymore. Having lost its relation to God, our life consists merely (to quote Nietzsche again) of “constant adjustments to all sorts of different collective influences and societal demands.”"

my husband

has a trait that i wish upon every husband for the sake of their wife

he is not a picky eater
he will eat anything- or nothing

and if there is nothing
he does not complain

never once
and believe me
many a time
i don't cook

i don't really like cooking, and i am not that good at it, and i am not a picky eater- like i snack all day on things that make up a sandwhich- i don't ever make meals. if i cook it is a OnePlateDitty
ie. casserole, curry meal, shanghai, pasta, salad. that's pretty much my repertoire
and maybe one day it will change and maybe not

hubby is well acquainted with making himself scrambled eggs, or eating a microwave special.
and i really appreciate that.
nothing would be worse for me then the pressure to be
Suzy HomeMaker (i think thats her name)
I am more Amelia Bedilda(we all know her right?)

so thanks hubby
for making my existence
a little easier

the commune

i hope sharmi will personally attach the true plan for the commune
that we would fantacize about
because my rendition is much more vague
she had it down to the location and which plants would grow in the garden
didn't you?

i just think its funny
so i will tell you dear internet lurkers

sharmi and i would laugh to hysterics about how we wanted to live on a commune and grow dreads and have babies..i am laughing now talking about it..

in fact i think sharmi did grow dreads then...

but looking back, i think there may have been a problem, like- i am not the outdoorsy type at all. i don't camp, i don't hike, i don't do any adventurous water or winter or summer sports, i like shade and a hammock with no spiders. i like polka dot bikinis and i prefer if my fellow female friends shave their armpits.

maybe we should have called it a Spa and not a Commune..hmmm

we are not limitless

atleast i am not
i have my limits
i have seen them -some of them
with my bare eyes
i have seen the bottom of the barrel

we will never not need God
and we will never need more then God

i remember hearing- "when you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on"
and i am thankful that they didn't say "let go - and give up"

You will Die

thats right
you will die
so will I

So often the topic of Death
comes up and is greeted with silence
no one wants to talk about death

shutter the thought

Well, lets talk. I am scared to die. I am scared to meet my maker. I am scared to experience any pain what so ever. I am scared to end up in Hell. I am scared of the unknown. I am scared of not being in control.

But it will happen. Death, that is.
Unless Jesus returns sooner(option B)

Attention inhabitants of Universe Normal and Expected

There is another Universe coexisting here that is sometimes
abnormal and unexpected

Things may not be what they seem

When a 30 yr.old woman is walking down the street holding hands with a 14yr.old boy- she may not be a Pedophile..maybe she is woman working with an Autistic teenager who will run into traffic without handholding... but, thanks for yelling "Pedophile" out your car window.

you can see the train stops

a wise man regardeth his beast
proverbs(can't remember where, but its there)

cat people

some people hate cats
thats what they say
i say hate is a strong word

thier fuzzy and little and interesting

what do you hate about them?
because one day when you were little a grumpy one scratched you?
because they don't care about your existence half the time?

i don't get that
one thing i know
is that often what we hate is what we fear

anyway the point of the blog is to tell you
i have a cat named Jacob
and that i like cats and dogs and fish and birds and other beastly sorts except spiders and snakes because i fear them

read it love it live it

blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy

alas- my short lived break from thought

cause then i was thinking

i hope whoever reads this doesn't think that i just ate a salad today

good grief dear internet

are you not well aware of my diet or lack of

what i really ate so far today is:

-toast with ham and cheese and honey and tomato

-shanghai noodles with red pepper pinneaple tuna broccoli

-green salad with tomato carrots and chips(the only way to have salad is with chips)

-2 Dads cookies and half of a Venti Starbucks Chip Mocha Thing

and it is 1pm people- thats right- and it will continue

we get free food at work

and then big snack before bed

i eat a lot

which is good

because one of my all time rules is:

eat when you are hungry

not later because a big supper is being served, not later because you are going out for lunch, not later because you feel like you ate too much already that day... but right when your stomach starts to burn. eat right then. thats when your body knows exactly what to do with it. (atleast thats what i think) which sort of leads into why i don't and never have schedule fed my baby.

i think when baby is hungy baby should eat.

like when your plant is dry you water it

or when you have to pee you go to the toilet

to me it is sort of basic

sigh of relief

today i don't have an opinion about anything
i am on autopilot
went to dog park with babe
rearanged living room
ate salad
off to work

i sortof like days when my brain takes a short breather

just don't ask me what i think about anything

a friend reminded me

of a line from the book the Fountain Head
where one man wants to know from the other man
"what do you think of me"
and the response
"i don't think of you"

which leads to thought #3 of the day

Class is not a product of being wealthy
i have met many a stinking rich person with no class
and many a dirt poor person with skads of class
(ps. i don't think i am that classy--infact i would say often i display no class)

Style is not a product of being wealthy
ditto above

Infact I don't even know what the definition if style is, i would say maybe their isn't a definition. which would mean that it is much like beauty. beauty and style being in the eye of the beholder.
so maybe i don't know what i am talking about
maybe everyone has style- just all with different names and themes- sort of like language. we don't all speak the same language, but that doesn't mean were not making sense.

hmmm deep thoughts


amoung my fashion rules
stands a sure-fire go-to rule:

(not that i am a CEO of Fashionistas Inc. but,
here's my opinion of black)

black is boring and easy- overly done- overly sexualized
and so i don't want to wear it often
when things get ugly and i am in serious doubt as to what-to-wear
i always go to Black
black on black
summer winter day night casual funeral whatever
black does the trick

black goes with everything
kiss(keep it simple stupid)

religion and history

so i was reading this history book of mine from Uni
and was of course noticing that the beginning of time was quite different in this book vs. my Bible
and i realized that if i wanted to be an unbeliever
there was and will always be plenty of opportunity
there will always be information/knowledge
that will go against Faith

but i am relieved to see that within me
i don't desire to be "free" of Faith
i don't desire to lose my Peace, guidance, comfort, direction, prayer life
i don't desire to be an orphan wondering searching for an easier word to live by
i don't desire to let my lusts have free reign
i don't want to know what i could do without boundaries- infact i think i already know

the grass is not greener on the other side

dear friend

your secret is out
Proverbs 18:9
He also that is slothful in his work is brother to him that is a great waster."


i am not an economist
but um..
my grocery bill is going through the roof

and from some sources
from what i understand
things will continue to go that direction till it all explodes

my father is reading a book called "why your world is about to get a lot smaller"
and in summary
we will not be able to afford grapes from Chile, fish from Norway, suntan trips to Barbados etc.
because of the endangered resource of fuel-gas-oil

i am not a optimist when it comes to the future of planet earth
probably because i believe the Bible and Gods plan to essentially annihilate the place

i'm gonna dig an underground bunker and start growing potatoes

my spice rack

sea salt

grow up already

i have never bought an iron or ironing board
i have never bought a peice of tupperware
i have never bought a vacuum
i have never bought towels-though i have given some away

i have acquired them all through osmosis (aka- hand me down, and marriage)

i would simply never buy clothes that needed ironing, never use plastic containers, borrow my neighbors vacuum, and steal my parents towels

because i like spending money on fun things- not this adult-suburbite boring stuff


auntie and i were having conversation about one of the shopping rules we both agree on and that is:
you can never have it all- Quick, Cheap, Good
maybe 2 of the above like,- quick buy, good quality...but not cheap
or cheap, quick,...bad quality
get it?

kind of reminds me of another rule that I have-
Cost per Wearing:
ie. twenty bucks wear it 4 times ..so what?
240 bucks wear it 4 times.. stupid purchase!

so just a heads up I will be wearing my new purse till 2012...really.

long skirts

i mean the really long "new" Maxi skirt
the ToTheGround skirt

looks great
and maybe if you lived in a bungalow and had no children it would be fine

but i gotta say
climbing stairs with a toddler
stepping on my own dress
holding child and falling

makes me realize
i will skip this Trend all together