Mercy Clause

I am back on this topic
I spent the week despite the external chaos
thinking internally about Love
and what it is
I am not sure that I know really
maybe it is a vague thing
or maybe it is many things all under the same heading
I think that Love actually might be Mercy
maybe
I know that sometimes Love can be measured by action
but mostly I think not
I think we probably don't all love the same or feel the same or think the same about love
but the thing is- is that God is Love
so as I try and see with no eyes
and understand though I am a fool
I do want to know what Love is
so that I can maybe have and give more of it away.
Because I don't think that real Love is selfish or about desire or covetousness
I don't think real Love is about comfort and ease and bounty
So what is real Love?
I believe that Love and Peace go hand and hand
But what does that mean for me?
What does it mean if I actually probably spend more time judging and hating than loving and edifying? How does Jesus fit into all this? Jesus came to show us how to love. He said to love our enemies. What if sometimes I can barely tolerate my own family and "Loved Ones"? Where does this all leave me?
How do I change?
How do I Love more?
The only thing that I do know that is not really fun- is that often when I go through really difficult experiences, it does make me more compassionate to others- because I realize that I have no idea what other people are going through, no idea what bondage or tests or weariness another is actually going through- and so I learn to show some mercy.. so that's something- but sort of scary because who wants to suffer to learn how to love?
Can't I just Love by snapping my fingers? maybe you can..?

am I rambling? I'm rambling.
but maybe thats also the thing
Love goes in circles
we give love we get peace