someone said yesterday eve to me
what do you feel inside?
meaning
why do you come to bible study and church
she asked because
all she knew is that she felt happy
and well, I was sort of aghast.
not that I think it is wrong to feel happy
I think that is great
that you know that going and partaking of this fellowship makes you happy
and that's good enough for you.
but I was like
um.- I feel a desperate fear of losing vision tomorrow and so I cleave today
and I think she thought that I was crazy
what I really wanted to say
was
I feel a desperate need to know the Holy Spirit, to hear the voice to me, to learn in fellowship, to gain peace and comfort and strength because we never know what is on the horizon. I fear God.
that is what I wished I said.
...
but my real thoughts on this topic are
do some people not feel their need?
and if they don't feel their need
isn't that dangerous?
Wasn't Jesus and God(in the OT) always seeking only those who were broken and contrite in themselves, and who felt their need. Weren't they always interested in the beggers. not those who are whole, but those who are sick?
Truly I am not trying to sound high and mighty here folks, I just don't get how any human person does not feel a desperate need to be close to God. don't people fear? don't people want peace? don't people pray? are people not aware of their sin? do people really feel sufficient in themselves?
truth is- i don't care what good thing brings you to want to read and pray and have fellowship- but the road I have always walked is the road of Need.
Self sufficient I am not.
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