womanly undergarments for idiots

there should have been a course in University about the complex matter of undergarments
that I should have taken
and same with the girl at Ikea on saturday

so far I have discovered a few rules :

never where black underpants under white pants
never where sexy/questionable underpants that show above your skirt to church!!(ack)(why?)
where a slip that matches in height and color(this is very difficult business-tricky)
where a brazzier that matches in color that you don't hate and doesn't hurt (impossible)
where a T-shirt brazzier with a T-shirt
never show bra straps
where a uniback with a unitop
where a cami/topslip/tanktop under anything see-through or too low - it must match and not be bulky- (again- impossible) this is when I pull out the trusty cardigan- which is too hot

crossing your legs in church while sitting across from someone involves more then making sure your knees are touching- the entire leg must touch the other leg to ensure there are no ghastly surprises
wash these bits- throw out when worn out!!
hello Pantyhose== what a gong show these are. I think I have given up on this entire concept. - does anyone own pantyhose that they actually like to put on? these make me feel like I am stuck in a small elevator with strangers.

so this is the beginning of getting dressed for women- i did not go into the next steps of which bottom depending on what doing and what company- which shoes- which top -which jacket- and as always which Hair do-

this whole fiasco gets much worse when pregnant