so i was writing that i never do anything

and i realized that
i work
so that might have something to do with it

i think i have mentioned that i am frugal

which is a nice word for cheap

i am so proud of my Winners purchases

baby skirt- 3$
momtshirt-2$
momtshirt-3$
momtights-3$
momskirt-8$
babyskirt-7$

Ornan the Jebusite

just kept working
threshing

yesternight

conversation re. our relationship with God etc.
and the need that we would not be vain and that we would just be natural and simple
sounds lovely- it is lovely
then the conversation went to
i'm all for not dying my hair and having piercings and tats-
but what about armpit hair and leg hair and dry lips...

and then later i was thinking
really we all have to find the right balance
that gives Peace
because- i think this is a rather complex area

2 things your therapist will tell you to never do

1- Mind Read- when we Think we can Mind Read- we will go loony- cause we can't actually do this and we should not assume we know what people are thinking.

2- Catastrophic Thinking- imagining the worst all the time..worst possible outcomes- essentially paranoia. not usually rational

home body

i guess thats what i am
cause when i look at all the other blogs out there
i realize i am doing nothing and going nowhere
well, except inside my head
which gets a little mundane for you folks

but i am happy for all you interesting
carpe diem types

my most recent painting

is a casual glance at Monet
and i really enjoy it

how do you comfort the mourning?

mocking anyone?

i am trying to learn to not mock
i actually just found out what mocking meant last week
and found out that it's a sin
and so am feeling like i need to work on that
and i am realizing that i mock all the time
and chalk it up as funny
so
sorry people and planet
if i have mocked you unknowingly in the past
i think maybe mocking and sarcasm have a lot in common
and i still really like sarcasm...
hopefully thats ok :)

vitamin D

so its funny that i care less about sunny days
cause according to my recent blood tests
i need to care
i am D deficient

some one else

i know someone right now who works fulltime to support their young brother
and their mother who is dying/fighting with cancer
and their father who fought in 2 wars- Chechnya and Afghanistan- and who has so much pain from the fighting that he is unable to work

having said all that-

once i met a girl from mexico city
and we became friends in an evening
and i told her at the end of the evening
that i would come and see her within the year

i don't know why i said that
for some reason i believed it would occur
all the while knowing that i was unemployed
and hated flying and had no desire to go to mexico whatsoever
and then i forgot that i said that

and then about 11months later
my girlfriends wanted me to come with them on a trip
and i didn't want to go- really
but one of them made their boyfriend send me on his airmile points
and for some reason they could not get me a flight directly
and i had to switch planes in mexico city
which would be an overnight stay
and so sometimes
things happen

Man there is a tonne of christians out there

all different shapes and sizes

not the same

my favorite T-shirt

i wear too much, have had it too long, and its worn out, and still it makes me happy
its sword and rose and floral romance
makes me feel like i'm a love avenger

truly done with quantum physics

i've talked about it before and now i want to get specific
quantum physics- you know - the concept that what we think will come to be:
the absurd idea/philosophy that somehow we are in control of the universe- our environment- what happens to us-

hogwash

so in the case of ions this appears to be true based on what we ie. smart scientific people know about neutrons etc. whatever - complex but simple- anyway

the problem with this idea is that people think
that they must think positively
that thinking positively is the answer
the Truth
the next religion- the positive religion
"because if one thinks positively then one will effect the future for good"- BAAHAHAAHH
really?
"if we think about good things then good things will happen to us "
really?

so fine- this is better then thinking negatively
i am not suggesting that
that would make the good days bad and that's really stupid

my problem with this positive religion
is simply that
its become a religion
because its easy and feels good
but that doesn't make it Truth

again, i am not suggesting that we become critical complaining negative people
and i am not suggesting that we doubt God or doubt Goodness or even doubt ourselves

i just think its asinine to suppose that the reason there are Tsunamis and Poverty and Hate Crimes and Hail Storms and Starvation is because enough people are not thinking enough positive thoughts

and so,
if i want to say my coffee doesn't taste good
well maybe it doesn't
maybe my coffee really in reality does not taste good like it usually does
and so,
i will say- my coffee doesn't taste good
and this is not a sin
its reality
and if i say it tastes good to satisfy the positive religious police
then i would be lying
and my coffee still would not taste good

i really hope that its true

that in weakness we can be made strong
cause the weak in me
is all and only to be seen

last night

you were in my dream again
but this time
we both knew
that you had gone

i want to write your name here again and again

maybe this is why no one close to me has ever died
because its too much for me

you and i were not really anything to eachother
and only now i am letting go

decision making

its interesting
how people come to their decisions
about life
about jobs and babies and who to marry and when
about what to wear and how to do ones hair
its interesting

which is why i was never good at math
(how do these stories go together you ask?)

well because
ever since i was ticking
i made decisions simply by what felt right
and if that led to confusion
i would pray

and in math class
answering the question by what felt right
usually meant -fail
and when i prayed that i would pass- ...fail
math is not about intuition
and hence my decision making skills had to be mixed with
knowledge and skill

and so i wonder
how we decide
...

better to be broken

than to be powder

had the strangest dream

last night
about you

you were angry
that you were
dead
and wanted to take it out on me

have i mentioned

i am soo thankful
my husband is employed

a dear friend

last time i saw her she was mentioning her new Chanel Ear Bobs
and today,
well- it was quite the opposite

Life has a way
of
rotating
things

have i mentioned

i am sooo thankful
for running water

to a dreamer

my cousin
leaving
to work for a newspaper
in Uganda

Darling,
i hope you are aware
of the other side

i hope you are street wise

repeating a quote

if you give people a peice of your mind- you lose your peace of mind

sunday afternoons

are the quietest longest deepest times

and i have heard this confirmed by many a non believer

her

which brings me to her

and my prayer

that there would be a hedge about her

can i just say

thank you for my house and my dishwasher and my job and my car that hasn't fallen apart yet
thank you for Canada
thank you for the breeze
thank you for Tylenol
bathtubs with hot water
a new back yard
grandparents
sleep- my favorite
mountains
dragonflies
my husband and his job and his car that hasn't fallen apart yet

i don't want to know

i am not a vegan -or an organic addict- or an overly foody know it all
because i don't want to know the truth
because i would starve to death
i have been down that road and it got really depressing
and i got really poor
eating only perfect pure happy eats

however- by accident i read something today about milk- that i won't even repeat
and tomorrow i will only be buying Organic milk thank you very much

maybe got rid of the rain jacket a bit too quick

i am laughing that the weather network is calling for rain this entire week
laughing because well
because i am not crying
i don't mind
its been a long summer
(which i have been told is false)

should have kept the rain jacket

help

maybe i need to do a cleanse

someone

asked me once if i had an RSP account
and he was offended deeply when i told him that i didn't need one
because "i was lucky"
looking back i probably could have come up with something that sounded more astute
but still i save nothing
like zero
(i mean i can save when i spend- but not just save)
so why don't i mature a little and start saving
or something
because i cannot think past next week
and that is the truth

p.s

what am i going to be when i grow up?
serious

btw

i need a break-prefer on a lake

thank you for different people

who look different
eat different
talk different
dress different
parent differently

i am so thankful that there is diversity on this green earth

there is usually more than one way of doing things

people of my work

muslim
jehovah witness
christian baptist
christian- were saved
christian-undercover
athiest
i'm special
i am a rock star
indian
ugandan(sp?)
jamaican
kenyan
chinese
anglosaxons plus
chronic pain sufferers X2
depressed a few
autistic-a bunch
young mostly
dreamers all

i think i need

a bunch of things
i really do need them
i think
i really want lots of things
and well

more is just more
and more is not enough

i want to learn to love to live like a simple person

encourage is what i want to do
even though sometimes i fail at this

my mom used to say- and now i believe

puppies and babies make the world go round

you cannot lead where you will not go

reduce

the cause of suffering is desire